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Texas lawmaker resigns after investigation finds he had inappropriate sexual conduct with 19-year-old intern by AudibleNod in news

[–]AudibleNod[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I feel bad for actual pet groomers.

Texas lawmaker resigns after investigation finds he had inappropriate sexual conduct with 19-year-old intern by AudibleNod in news

[–]AudibleNod[S] 595 points596 points  (0 children)

And an "anti-grooming" crusader.

Way to go!! by ImAllAboutYou in PoliticalHumor

[–]AudibleNod 18 points19 points  (0 children)

What's Marla Maples doing in this sub?

They'll make a meme of anyone I gues/s.

TIL Cardinal Richelieu is credited with the invention of the table knife by Hrtzy in todayilearned

[–]AudibleNod 9 points10 points  (0 children)

The bad guy from The Three Musketeers?

Hmm.

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Texas lawmaker resigns after investigation finds he had inappropriate sexual conduct with 19-year-old intern (cbsnews.com)

submitted by AudibleNod to r/news

Suspected Bud Light purchase likely led to altercation outside Ontario liquor store: police by SamsonFox_returned in news

[–]AudibleNod -121 points-120 points  (0 children)

It's like the chick-fil-a debate all over again.

Eat/Drink, don't eat/drink. Who cares. Just leave other people alone.

TIL of Piso Firme, a project which replaced dirt floors with concrete floors in Mexican slums. Changing the flooring, improved the residents' health and happiness, but also their children's communication and vocabularies. by EtOHMartini in todayilearned

[–]AudibleNod 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Like lead pipes or radioactive roadways or bleeding control stations?

What are your thoughts on the 43 Republicans who voted against the insulin price cap last year? by Patagonia_14 in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod -1 points0 points  (0 children)

When you don't have a national platform on which your party runs, everyone only votes for how they think their base wants them to vote in that moment and/or how their donors tell them to vote.

This is the best response I seen for a Tweet in a long time! by Travismatthew08 in PoliticalHumor

[–]AudibleNod 31 points32 points  (0 children)

*taps temple

Can't have a quiverfull family with condoms.

Michael Caine once said of Jaws The Revenge "I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible; however I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." What debasing job did you take that had a great financial reward? by AudibleNod in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

*Taps temple

It's not soul-crushing work if you sold your soul to get the job in the first place.

After claiming he will go back to New York and 'confront' his victim the deadline for Trump to testify at his rape trial passes by [deleted] in PoliticalHumor

[–]AudibleNod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's not a rape trial however.

It's a defamation trial where rape is a key component of the defamation. I hate to split hairs about Trump where it seems like I'm defending him. But the fact is the statute of limitations prevented a rape trial from taking place. The only remedy for this is a civil defamation case.

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Michael Caine once said of Jaws The Revenge "I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible; however I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." What debasing job did you take that had a great financial reward? (self.AskReddit)

submitted by AudibleNod to r/AskReddit

So how come it’s almost impossible to find a gf that wants to have sex for at least 4 times day? by EfficientMinute4909 in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You have to widen your search parameters.

Change the definition of 'gf' to include men, nonbinary and polygendered. Then expand the scope of age from 18 to 120. Then include different races, body types and hygiene levels. From there you may need to expand your geographic search as well as financial levels.

TIL that Christopher Columbus didn’t have to prove that the world was round. Everyone already knew. The pervasive myth comes from a fictional embellishment written by Washington Irving in 1828. by da_k1ngslaya in todayilearned

[–]AudibleNod 16 points17 points  (0 children)

The things I learned after reading Washington Irving:

  • Columbus proved the earth was round.
  • Paul Revere singlehandedly warned the Minute Men of the British attack.
  • Washington Irving has a small penis.

Captain Kirk is transported to the Millennium Falcon in the middle of a battle with the Death Star. How does he succeed? by Midnight-Ran in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fukkin corbomite, yo.

Kirk will explain that his transporter technology is only available with corbomite technology. A substance so powerful and wicked it is banned in his time except in use as a last resort by Star Fleet officers. Technology only available in his galaxy and in his time so no records of it exist and they cannot scan for it. And his transporter has unlimited range he will transport corbomite to the death star as well as the emperor's home and anyone else who crosses him.

The Empire is cocksure and tell Kirk (fukkin Kirk) that he's bluffing. Kirk transports 30,000 tribbles into the Death Star's main reactor. Which instantly destroys the death star.

In what odd manners did some arguments and wars settle in history? by orankedem in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The beginning of the end of the Cold War was the fall of the Berlin Wall. It fell because of a bureaucratic mistake.

What is an amazing scene otherwise terrible movie? by Iloveyou90000 in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The most amazing scene in the most terrible movie from the 21st century.

Which characters you want to be in a movie? by ri_ha_ya_hollow in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I want Luis from Ant-Man to cameo in every movie. He can be an exposition dump right before the climax of the movie, so everyone is caught up.

TIL that Buridan's ass is a philosophical paradox about a donkey that is equally hungry and thirsty, standing midway between a bale of hay and a bucket of water. The donkey is unable to make any rational decision between the two, and thus, it dies of both hunger and thirst. by [deleted] in todayilearned

[–]AudibleNod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

  • I blame the jackass who put the water and food equidistant from the donkey.
  • That's why you shouldn't take to look to mule things over.
  • Just like philosophers to never blame themselves and pin the fail on the donkey.

What is the most heartbreaking and soul-crushing lyrics you’ve ever heard? by Ariziken in AskReddit

[–]AudibleNod 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Father McKenzie

Writing the words of a sermon that no-one will hear

No-one comes near

Look at him working

Darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there

++++

Eleanor Rigby

Died in the church and was buried along with her name

Nobody came

Father McKenzie

Wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave

No-one was saved

Election Night by [deleted] in PoliticalHumor

[–]AudibleNod 78 points79 points  (0 children)

  • Register to vote.
  • Add every local election into your calendar.
  • Check your registration status every six months
  • Vote in every election

Oxford Community Schools says don't wear orange cords at commencement to send message about gun violence by paper_snow in news

[–]AudibleNod 96 points97 points  (0 children)

Tinker v. Des Moines Independent Community School District

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Your friendly reminder to check your voter registration status (imgur.com)

submitted by AudibleNod to r/PoliticalHumor

Dianne Feinstein releases Statement by SexyDoorDasherDude in PoliticalHumor

[–]AudibleNod 16 points17 points  (0 children)

*Taps temple

Can't care when you're too worried about the NCIS marathon.

Ex-FCC chief, public TV advocate Newton Minow dead at 97 by ledim35 in news

[–]AudibleNod 44 points45 points  (0 children)

The SS Minnow, of Gilligan's Island, was named after him in response to his "vast wasteland" remark.

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