EDIT — I am from a culture where giving up things for your filial duty is normal. I do not understand why my wife can’t bare to also understand her mothers sacrifice should not be overlooked.

I (33M) and my wife (35F) have been married for 3 years and together for a total of 5.

We’ve had our issues here and there but the biggest gripe is how she treats her mother VS how I treat my mother.

I come from a single mom and a dead beat father. And she has both of her parents and even a deceased step father who was supportive towards her goals. I love my mother and would treat her to anything she needs/wants. She’s my mom.

This is where our conflict comes into play, I saw the way she treats her mother. Almost hostile and it’s very different from the way I treat my mother with respect.

It’s not a singular incident that led up to me posting this but just the entirety of my wife’s behavior.

She talks behind her mothers back that she’s a horrible mom and was never there for her. (I talked to her siblings and her brothers don’t agree, her sister does.)

And it boils down to the fact when my wife was 20F, and in college. Her step father died, leaving a toddler and her mother behind. Her mother was a SAHM and had no idea what to do. She took up odd jobs and needed a baby sitter which was my wife.

Here’s where I called my wife ungrateful/spoiled : she was paid to babysit, and was with a kid for 7 hours a day. Better than a normal job at that age. She didn’t have rent or bills to pay.

She argued back that she : dealt with an absentee mother (who started a new family after divorcing her father and leaving her in her words), constant worrying of her privacy and safety, moved to a new state (no friends) and wasn’t allowed back into college because of the scheduling of her moms odd jobs and kids schedule.

I don’t believe this as her siblings have told me different things, like her mother moved out of state for better opportunities. She visited once a month, and overall seemed like a trying single mother. Whose husband unfortunately passed away in a car accident.

AITA for saying my wife is spoiled?