For couples who can't be in the same room

Hello,

I am writing this because I have found myself in a situation I never thought I would, and especially not feeling how I am now. I am confused and sad, and with no one around me I can really speak to about this, I hope the kind people here at LongDistance can help me with their own experiences.

I am currently in an almost 5 year relationship with a woman I met during my years studying abroad. I went to live in her country (in the EU, this is important for later), but I myself am not from there. The relationship has been great, being together have been some of the most wonderful times of my life. But recently I had to move back to my home country. Its been almost a year now, and I am finding that spending time with them on calls or video is something I dread doing rather than looking forward to. I find myself wanting to ignore calls and texts, but then I remember our time and guilt trip myself to answering. Now I find myself wanting to break up, but I don't know if I should, and here is why:

In a couple of months, I will have the opportunity to move closer. Not to her country, but a neighboring one, where I will be attending university again. However, that effectively means we will be, once again, continuing a LDR. And if I am being completely honest, I don't know if I can take it. This whole experience with being away has shown me that physical proximity is very important. The new sitution will be better, since we can maybe see each other every other weekend. But I don't know if I can take it anymore. Or pretend that things will get better. But I am also scared that I am being to negative and things will go back to how they used to, and breaking up will destroy that possibility. I don't know what to do anymore.

We agreed to meet up at the new place I am moving to, to see each other after so long, and spend a couple of weeks together. Should I break up before then, over call or text? But that feels wrong to me, but it also feels wrong to do it when she's gonna be travelling with me. Do I wait until after the trip together? I don't know anymore

You know what pains me the most? Its that I don't really miss her anymore. I find that I can go fine for days without thinking about her. Sometimes I do, but I wonder if what I miss is a companion, someone I can be intimate with, and not that I miss her. I don't know if I am making sense.

Anyone has gone/is going through something similar? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Also, apologies if the grammar or english isn't up to scratch, its not my first language and this post is sort of a stream-of-conscience thing.