For those wanting to escape: Any locations not firmly under patriarchy's thumb?

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-10T00:05:43+00:00

I recommend Newport on the coast. It's a city in its own right, not just a tourist stop. Also, Corvallis, on I-5, between Salem and Eugene. Good highway to the coast, home of Oregon State U.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-08T11:48:08+00:00

If the name is the only issue, then it's reasonable to expect that your daughter will smile through your introduction, and then say, "I go by Tommi. It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Oldfriend."

It would also be gracious of you to modify the introduction: "This is my daughter, Thomasina; she prefers Tommi."

Did your friend who suggested that you post here know that the respondents are largely young and unreligious? And also, frequently, quite harsh?

Never mind about the nickname for a month or two. Take the gracious route. Give some thought to building up your relationship with your daughter. I'm sure that will be difficult, but you're a fully grown adult, and some corners of the internet are built more for helpfulness than judgement. Find some supportive advice, tell her you'd like to turn over a new page, and begin trying things out.

NAH. Relationships are difficult. As long as you're still trying, you're still a good mom.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-08T03:53:50+00:00

Wow.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-08T02:44:41+00:00

This reminds me of that couple who wore swastika masks to the grocery store. They got filmed, scolded by a European-born woman who thought they really ought to know better, and the cashier refused to serve them. They thought they were making a point about how the entities that made masks a requirement were Just Like The Nazis!

But they were wearing Nazi masks.

Their intentions were irrelevant. They were wearing the symbol. Giving it visibility. Making it part of everyone's experience, a topic of conversation. It doesn't matter whether the uncle thinks positively or negatively about Hitler and Nazism. Hell be dressed as Hitler at a party, in front of the kids, normalizing the appearance of Nazism in that group.

And if OP goes, she'll be condoning all of that.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-08T00:23:49+00:00

You have a right to tell your husband how you want to be treated in your marriage, and it can be different and better than he treats everyone else, because you are his wife. If he won't respect that, he's a bad husband, and you can tell him that, too. What kind of treatment does a bad husband (who has wronged his wife) deserve? Every thing you do for him, you stop doing. He can write you a love poem if he ever wants clean underwear again. He can talk to you like you're his queen.

NTA

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T23:57:33+00:00

One more person telling you that pics from this party will haunt your ambitions and spoil your dreams.

If there's a Nazi at the party, it's a Nazi-tolerant party. If you attend the party, then you are someone who tolerates Nazis.

Eyes on your whole future. Please. There are better boys.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T22:37:08+00:00

I've never been to Georgia (although Savannah is on my places-to-go list), and I've been following her for three or four years now. Every time Georgia leans blue, I say to my husband, "That's Stacey Abrams. I wish every state had three of her." Her work on voter registration and turnout has been incredible.

The shenanigans her opponent pulled in the last gubernatorial election opened my eyes to the extent of voter suppression in this country. It's shameful, and her strategy for combating it is the clearest-eyed I've ever seen.

Abrams is a powerhouse, and I hope she moves into the governor's mansion early next year.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T12:54:48+00:00

Do you know of any Indian or Chinese equivalent of Ana?

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T11:02:28+00:00

Wild. I commented in support of voting last night. Got negative responses from accounts created summer of 2020, and even more from ones made in September this year. Non-troll accounts were saying things like "I voted already" and "I'm discouraged but I'm still voting."

We still have a chance. Reach out to three or five friends and encourage them to vote.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T10:43:15+00:00

I like Ava.

Cassie is a good one if you can find a longer form that you like. Such as Cassia (cinnamon), Catherine (solid classic), or maybe Cassiopeia, after the constellation.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T00:45:24+00:00

Hope wins, hooray!

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-07T00:02:26+00:00

"Improves pollster incentives" only applies to pollsters operating in good faith.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-06T23:36:53+00:00

The right has been funding skewed polls to discourage blue voters. It affects aggregates like FiveThirtyEight; it gets into media reports. There's still hope! Reach out to three or five friends and make sure they vote.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-06T18:19:53+00:00

I loved how that scene ended. Especially the bit where McGonagall is very kind to her, legit her friend in that moment, even though you get the feeling that they don't get along most of the time. "There, there, Sibyll... up you get..."

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-06T17:56:22+00:00

I read about that, too! It's a strategy to discourage blue voters. Don't fall for it! VOTE!

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-06T17:52:47+00:00

Kansas has a constitutional guarantee for reproductive rights now. KANSAS. Because they voted for it!

https://www.rockthevote.org/how-to-vote/

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-05T21:26:45+00:00

NTA. Keep protecting your baby. I'm so sorry.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-05T21:13:52+00:00

https://www.rockthevote.org/how-to-vote/

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-03T04:23:30+00:00

I look forward to an update. I hope that it includes you apologizing to your fiancee, and ending that relationship with the humility and chagrin that your behavior has made necessary. I hope to read that you suggested to her that she keep the ring, but maybe trade up for one with a gemstone that she likes. Most of all, I hope that you start something with Jordan. He's the light of your life, and has been for years. I sincerely hope he's queer enough to go for it.

Good luck to you.

tactical_cakes · 2022-11-01T03:05:23+00:00

That was only four years ago?

tactical_cakes · 2022-10-29T21:07:42+00:00

You've thought this out, and your perspective is sensible. Yes, it's okay. A love life is not an intellectual stance; that's moronic. In my experience, judgmental friends don't add enough to an adult life from your late 20s on.

Something in your phrasing leads me to think that you might be okay with sex if you had an established relationship with someone you knew you could trust, and had a strong sense of future with. That would also be sensible. As many have pointed out, compatibility is a big deal in the long term health of a marriage. But it's not something you have to establish in the early stages of a relationship.

It's a good mindset, right up there with live and let live. Plenty of equally worthwhile men will have no trouble with your preferences at all.

tactical_cakes · 2022-10-29T11:19:00+00:00

This is the kind of unnecessary rudeness that was justly castigated earlier in the thread.

tactical_cakes · 2022-10-28T20:48:17+00:00

Hey, if you're at home and he's out of the house during the work day, you can totally schedule a locksmith for a time he won't be there.

Edit: because it's NOT YOU who should be moving out. YOU are the primary caregiver, and you are the one who most needs to keep her there, in her familiar environment.

tactical_cakes · 2022-10-28T20:46:56+00:00

You had surgery less than a week ago, and he's going out to ball games??

I don't care if it's his dad's birthday! You are his wife! His wife who is recovering from surgery while caring for an infant. If his dad wants his birthday celebrated he can drop by so that you can say happy birthday to him while he helps you by mopping the floor. Because your husband, obviously, is already cooking everyone dinner.

Does that sound like a fantasy to you? Because it shouldn't.

tactical_cakes · 2022-10-28T19:58:08+00:00

Does he fear you at all? Or is that a one-way thing

tactical_cakes

TROPHY CASE

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