r/TwoXChromosomes: You are the community. You have all the power of the internet to mold it.

I’ve been with my husband for 17 years, married for 13. Our dynamic is that he gets mad and demands something and I give in to keep the peace. I always try to fix everything and take care of everything and it’s never enough. Today he angrily demanded that I get rid of our cat because it pees on his drum mat. This cat was his idea to get and we’ve had her for 16 years. About 12 years ago he wanted to get rid of her and I cried and he dropped it, but I had to take on all of her care. I scooped her litter box during both pregnancies and such. If I tried to get him to help he would just say to get rid of her. Anyhow, this morning he said I needed to get rid of her and I said NO. He said fine he would get rid of her then and I calmly looked him in the eyes and said if he did I would never forgive him. He seemed shocked. I told him I put up with a lot of his shit and this was a bridge too far. So he’s been sulking all day in the guest bedroom and I’ve been going about my normal routine. I’m really proud of myself for putting my foot down.

Edit: the cat only peed on his mat when she was inadvertently separated from her litter box. My oldest moved the cat and the litter box into her room for a period of time and then would accidentally shut the door and kitty would be trapped outside the room. I’ve since moved the box to a more central location so this won’t happen again. The mat was the only somewhat soft spot she had access too since we have tile floors . She has not peed there for a while but he pulled the mat out today to clean it more thoroughly and the old urine stains are what set him off.

Edit 2: My husband is not always a jerk. He loves me, but he does take me for granted. I love him and I make it easy for him to take me for granted. I’ve just finally decided not to play that role anymore. Either he will accept it or he won’t. I’m not afraid of being alone or anything like that. I’d be fine.

Edit 3: Thank you to those offering encouragement and support.