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Jokes: Get Your Funny On!

r/Jokes

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pinned by moderators

Posted by3 years ago

3

MODPOST

Reposts...

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Posted by9 months ago

2

MODPOST

Let's discuss spam, spammers, and the spamming spammers who spam.

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Posted by17 hours ago

Walks into a bar

A nun walks into the Mother Superior's office and plunks down into a chair.

She lets out a sigh, heavy with frustration.

"What troubles you, Sister?" asked the Mother Superior. "I thought this was the day you spent with your family."

"It was," sighed the Sister. "And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ."

"I seem to recall that," the Mother Superior agreed. "So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?"

"Far from it," snorted the Sister. "In fact, I took the Lord's name in vain today!"

"Goodness, Sister!" gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. "You must tell me all about it!"

"Well, we were on the fifth tee — and this hole is a monster, Mother — 540 yard par 5, with a nasty dogleg right and a hidden green ... and I hit the drive of my life. The sweetest swing I've ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted ... and it hits a bird in mid-flight!"

"Oh my!" commiserated the Mother Superior. "How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!"

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Posted by6 hours ago

My doctor told me that I had a healthy prostate.

I was deeply touched.

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Posted by3 hours ago

Long

A nun is praying in her convent in rural Ireland when there is a sudden bang and a cloud of green smoke

When the smoke clears she sees two honest to goodness leprechauns standing in front of her, looking just like the legends said they looked. Fine green clothes, top hats, red mutton chops and standing about two feet tall. One stares at his feet sheepishly. The more confident one speaks

"Top of the morning to ye, mother! We come with a question. Are there any leprechaun nuns here?"

The young nun is still shocked by their presence but answers "no, I've been here five years and there are no leprechaun nuns in this convent"

"Only five years though. Not quite an expert. Has anyone been around a bit longer?" Asks the leprechaun.

"Oh mother superior has been here nearly sixty years and she would be able to answer any questions you have" responds the young nun

She leads them up the stairs and down a long hallway to the office of mother superior. The one silent leprechaun continues staring sheepishly at the ground.

"It's an honor to meet you, mother superior! We have some questions."

Mother superior adjusts her glasses in disbelief at what she is seeing. "My goodness for such special guests please ask anything you wish"

"We understand there are no leprechaun nuns here now. Has there been any in your tenure?"

She responds "oh no I would certainly remember that"

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Posted by12 hours ago