So i'm a 25 year old indian man currently residing in canada. I've been online dating for years now and it's been an uphill battle.

Now we all know these platforms promote the most superficial aspects of dating, so ofcourse i was fixated on certain aspects of myself which i thought made it harder for me to date. I'm short for example at 5'7. I always thought my race/nationality also had a huge part to play in my dating difficulties but after much adivce from dating related subs and friends, i convinced myself this was all in my head. Even if it was relevant, it didn't affect my dating life as much as personality, sense of style, you know the rest. Well recently i had a revelation that completely made me rethink this and kind of justified my old way of thinking. I have two friends, one indian and another dominican. One guy's british and the other guy is french. Last year they were also struggling a bit like me, but this year their match rate and number of dates have completely changed. They opened up their phones and showed me. they're getting a match with every second swipe and really good looking ones at that. My french friend is having a field day tbh, getting action every week. I asked them what they did different, and they told me it was simple: they posted pictures of their room with their respective flags in the background. French and english. In their own words " Worked like a charm". Seriously they both have over a 100 likes each. I've only seen girls with that many likes.

Now i'm someone who puts a lot more effort into online dating/dating in general than anyone i know. I specially cater messages, study swipe ratios - what would give me best results etc. Tinder and bumble for me are ghost towns, even with paid subscriptions. So i don't pay for them anymore. Even on the odd chance i get a match and we have a good conversation, i'm unmatched or ghosted when they ask the dreaded question "Where are you from"? And i say india. Although i've been living here for 5 years and my english is so good people always think i'm indian american/canadian.

Now all three of us are very similar in appearance. We're all 5'7ish, skinny frames, same skin tone and the only difference being my hair. In fact when we go out clubbing or to social events, i have better luck with meeting girls, getting attention. I dont think it's an apperance thing either as all of us are relatively good looking and my past dates have all told me i was cute. So the deciding factor came down to my background/nationality.

It's actually funny, in one way i'm happy my height isn't as important as i thought. But now it's another factor out of my control. And i get it, it's all right for people to have preferences. It's a bit hard to call it a preference though when it seems like the vast majority of women won't consider dating you. I've already made peace with that fact, as i can't change what i am. What i do get annoyed though is how people think this isn't a real bias, or it's all in my head. It's denying me my lived experiece, so by extension it feels like they're denying my struggles. When you go over 5 years trying your best to find a partner with little results, while your friends find new realtionships within months (With a 10th of the effort), it's hard to not feel jaded. Sometimes people say i shouldn't try too hard. Well if i'm not getting any luck putting in a 100% effort, what am i gonna see at 50%?

Anyway this post isn't meant to be a diss on anyone, it's just to highlight how things you may not think matter much actually matters a lot. Maybe the problem isn't always you all the time as popularly stated. You can be a good looking guy with an outgoing personality but still struggle due to factors like ethnicity which are out of your control. Doesn't mean it's your fault.

TLDR: Ethcnity/background/nationality has a huge factor in dating, online even more so.