atheism

The idea of god and islam were probably the things that hurt me the most in life. I left islam 3 years ago after going through an intense mental breakdown due to doing something that was prohibited in islam. I was a very obedient muslim and literally took the idea of god and islam to the heart. My teens years are filled with me thinking about hell and god’s eternal punishment if you don’t follow what he says. My sense of the future was completely taken over by the fear of going hell. I was very isolated because I knew everybody is not following islam the way they should and I literally saw everyone as the enemy that would drag me to hell with themselves. Since I left islam, I was extremely suicidal the whole three years because even though i no longer believed in islam, my fear of the world and relatives still persisted. I actually entered medical school before I left islam and I just couldn’t continue and had to drop out. Everywhere I went was hell. A very murderous rage had taking over me. I had to spend 2 weeks in psychiatric hospital due to intense psychotic episodes where I was delusional about how people are going to hurt me.

Then I started reading about psilocybin and how they help people with trauma. Then I bought the spores and started growing them. The first three trips were unsuccessful and put me into state of insanity. but for the last trip I literally contemplated everything about my life. It was unbelievable how much I was conditioned by the idea of god and fear of hell. It was like each of the trauma I experienced was ultimately because of the fear of god during my teens. Things like fearing and hating people was the biggest issue I had. I could not explain what were they except where I called it “anxiety” or “complex ptsd” but those were just understatement of what I was experiencing and therapy did not help at all because it was too simple for me and they were only trying to give me relief instead of cure.

Psilocybin is the real gift of evolution. When you eat it with a right understanding of it, you can dissolve all the stuff that’s controlling you unconsciously. Even things that you didn’t know that were controlling you. For example it showed me that the reason why I sought religion in the first place was due to some religious friends that I had when I was 6. I had completely forgotten about them, yet they had caused a cataclysmic disaster to my life.