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[–]Mediocre_Special2702 73 points74 points  (2 children)

“If someone offers to take your burden, you need to know he is serious, not just being polite and kind. Polite and kind do not last.”

-The Kitchen Gods Wife

[–]annier100 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I loved The Kitchen God’s Wife even more than The Joy Luck Club! It is so great!

[–]byneothername 9 points10 points  (0 children)

That one is my favorite Amy Tan book. I sobbed during the ending.

[–]MoonChica 157 points158 points  (0 children)

That’s beautiful. I remember reading this book in the 90’s.

[–]iabyajyiv 97 points98 points  (5 children)

Haven't read the book but have seen the film. There's a scene in there that I find painful and relatable. It was when the mother raised the daughter like the daughter is an outsider because the mom knew the daughter willbe married into a new family. My mom treated me the same and it felt like the greatest betrayal ever. My mom experienced hardship as a woman in a patriarchal culture. But when she became a mother, she knowingly chose to do the same to me, even when I repeatedly begged her not to.

[–]recovering_spaz 46 points47 points  (0 children)

There was an AMA in a Duggars related subreddit from one of Annas old friends who has since escaped from the cult. One of the saddest parts to me was revealing that they hadn't spoken to her a long time. Women are expected to shed their old friends and lessen contact with their blood relatives to focus on their inlaws.

[–]EdenMaryoles 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It's so disgusting

[–]AtTheEndOfMyTrope 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry you went through that. I hope you now have women in your life who nurture and mentor you the way you need.

[–]AnnoyedDuckling 78 points79 points  (1 child)

The Bonesetter's Daughter is good too.

[–]recovering_spaz 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I love that book! Easily one of the novels of the 90s.

[–]Dana07620 145 points146 points  (9 children)

The Joy Luck Club is fantastic...especially if you've never read Amy Tan before.

But I finally gave up on Amy Tan because every book of hers that I read was basically about mother-daughter issues. I thought she explored that theme beautifully in The Joy Luck Club and with four different takes on it.

The movie The Joy Luck Club is also a wonderful adaptation. I actually had a copy of it placed in my mother's casket.

[–]UnstuckTimePilgrim 14 points15 points  (1 child)

Saving Fish From Drowning has almost no mother-daughter drama and it’s a really interesting premise. Definitely my favorite of hers.

[–]Dana07620 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I'll check it out.

[–]byneothername 12 points13 points  (1 child)

Have you watched the documentary about Amy Tan? It’s on Netflix. I, too, got frustrated with the mother-daughter theme repeated across her books. But I watched the documentary and realized she was just writing what she knew really well. Boy, did her mom have Issues.

[–]Dana07620 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Have you watched the documentary about Amy Tan?

No, I haven't.

Boy, did her mom have Issues.

I could guess that from her books. Writers reveal more of themselves than they think they do. And this absolute obsession of hers with mother-daughter relationships clearly originated from something deep within her life experience.

[–]humankookaburra 25 points26 points  (2 children)

And everyone who liked The Joy Luck Club should also watch Saving Face, which has one of the actresses from the former and is also about a mother daughter relationship of Chinese-Americans. Written and directed by Alice Au, an absolute legend.

[–]TEG_SARMilitary and Espionage 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Saving Face is such a lovely movie. And it’s nice to see a movie involving lesbians that isn’t mired in tragedy or that uses a straight relationship and cheating to get the story started.

[–]Corporal_Canada 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I freaking love Saving Face. It was recommended to me after a friend and I watched Crazy Rich Asians and I told her how my dumbass thought it would be a satire on Nouveau-Riche Asian culture.

Saving Face is great in capturing a part of Asian-American life

[–]joetheslacker 4 points5 points  (0 children)

They're definitely variations to the mother daughter relationship but I always get so into the story and journey they go through.

[–]ArtemisiasApprentice 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree, every book of hers that I read seemed like a variation of the first. All beautifully written though.

[–]248_RPA 9 points10 points  (1 child)

This has always been one of my favourite quotes of all time. It makes me cry.:

“I saw what I had been fighting for: It was for me, a scared child, who had run away a long time ago to what I had imagined was a safer place. And hiding in this place, behind my invisible barriers, I knew what lay on the other side: Her side attacks. Her secret weapons. Her uncanny ability to find my weakest spots.

But in the brief instant that I had peered over the barriers I could finally see what was finally there: an old woman, a wok for her armor, a knitting needle for her sword, getting a little crabby as she waited patiently for her daughter to invite her in.”

[–]abbyb12 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh gosh! That is a beautiful quotation capturing the "stuff" that comes from the immigrant experience and the battle to both preserve and let go of tradition and culture.

Truly, such a good read.

[–]scrimbopolus 26 points27 points  (0 children)

This book means so much to me personally. I'm from the Philippines but am of Chinese descent, with my grandpa being a first gen immigrant. There's only about a couple million of us in a population of 100m. The Joy Luck Club was required reading in 8th Grade and I got to share my experiences in a class with only 2 others like me.

[–]lycosa13 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I read this a couple of years ago. I'm an immigrant but only lived in my birth country for the first two years of my life, so I was basically raised in the US. It made me emphasize with my parents a lot more. Like how much different, and difficult, it must have been for them to be in a new country where they didn't speak the language or know any of the "rules." And to not entirely know what it's like for your kids growing up in a much different place than you did.

It's one of my favorite books.

[–]NewWiseMama 3 points4 points  (3 children)

Does anyone have a similar recommendation about the relationship of Chinese sons to their mother and outsider women who marry them?

[–]Particular_Concept 4 points5 points  (1 child)

Not about a Chinese family but The Namesake (both book and movie) definitely captures that same push-pull of growing up between cultures.

[–]lolunnb 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love The Namesake (book and movie).

[–]CDNChaoZ 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Not a book, but Bao.

[–]Constant-Stick2915 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Reading this as we speak and really enjoying it. :) beautiful quote.

[–]Thomisawesome 18 points19 points  (0 children)

I was always embarrassed that I loved this book so much when I was a 15 year old boy. But man, I’ll shout it from the rooftops now. This is a beautiful book.

[–]Heybitchitsme 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Amy Tan is a writing God. Her other works are equally stunning.

[–]monocled_squid 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I love this book soo much! And when I read the quote, I remember reading it 15 years ago!

[–]BellyWhomp 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I love that quote. One of my favorite books and movies.

[–]stink3rbelle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think about the book all the time. Mostly the younger generation daughter with the husband who makes her pay for his strawberry ice cream.

[–]highpriestess420 12 points13 points  (1 child)

One of my favorite authors! She has a great way with words. I also love The Hundred Secret Senses.

[–]FeatherMom 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The Hundred Secret Senses was absolutely beautiful and one of her underrated works. I loved reading Amy Tan growing up.

[–]ninigeee 4 points5 points  (3 children)

I watched this movie growing up, then read it when I was in high school and I remember liking it alot. I found a great copy at the thrift store the other day and plan on reading it again a whole 15 years later at 30.

[–]pete_forester 9 points10 points  (2 children)

They just announced that they're making a sequel to the movie. Literally announced a few hours ago!

[–]Bookssmellneat 6 points7 points  (0 children)

My uni did a daily lunch hour movie screening in a dining hall. Decided to stay for a movie I’d never heard of. Got caught watching this tender, highly emotional, gorgeous movie in a noisy crowded well-lit place. I was steady crying for 2 hours as my heart swelled and broke with each woman’s story. Very awkward but I’ve loved the movie and book so much ever since. I’ll be happily looking forward to a sequel-I know these women.

[–]ninigeee 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That's exciting, I'll be looking forward to it

[–]LanguidMelancholy 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been putting off reading this for a longer than I’d like to admit and you just finalized my decision to move it to the top of my list. Thank you.

[–]Causerae 6 points7 points  (4 children)

Loved The Kitchen God's Wife. I found it more introspective than Joy Luck, centering more on one person that the mother daughter dyad. Ofc, the theme's still there, but it's not as much a focus, imo.

Anyone recall the section that describes the Kitchen God's Wife? I've been trying to find it for decades. 🤔

[–]Mediocre_Special2702 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I found this book in a clearance section of a bookstore and nabbed it up. It definitely has the outline of how a mother-daughter relationship is present - but it’s more finding out the moms story. It’s good.

[–]Doctorblank 1 point2 points  (2 children)

Remind me and I’ll pull out my copy after work tonight!

[–]Causerae 1 point2 points  (1 child)

Reminding you! :)

[–]Doctorblank 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please let me know if this is not the section you meant! I am happy to go back :) also apologies if the formatting is weird, im on mobile!

“Suddenly Mrs. Hong clapper her hands together. ‘Where is my head today?’ she walked to the back of the store, calling to me. ‘It is back here. The factory made a mistake. Of course, it’s a very nice statue, no chips, no cracks. But they forgot to write down her name on the bottom of her chair. My husband was so mad. He said, ‘What are we going to do with this? Who wants to buy a mistake?’

So I bought that mistake. I fixed it. I used my gold paints and wrote her name on the bottom. And Helen bought good incense, not the cheap brand, but the best. I could see this lady statue in her new house, the red temple altar with two candlesticks lighting up her face from both sides. She would live there, but no one would call her Mrs. Kitchen God. Why would she want to be called that, now that she and her husband are divorced?

When Pearl came to drop off the children at my house this weekend, I said to her husband, ‘Go watch TV with the children. I have to give my daughter some medicine I found.’

I took her upstairs to my bedroom. Pearl-ah, I said. Here is some Chinese medicine. You put this pad on your arms and legs, the herbs sink into your skin. And every day you should drink hot water three or four times a day. Your energy is too cold. Just hot water, no tea or coffee inside. Are you listening?

What are you looking at? Oh, that statue. You never saw that before. Yes, that’s true, very fancy, fine porcelain. And the style is good too. See how nicely she sits in her chair. So comfortable-looking in her manner. Look at her hair, how black it is, no worries. Although maybe she used to worry. I heard she once had many hardships in her life. So maybe her hair is dyed.

But her smile is genuine, wise and innocent at the same time. And her hand, see how she just raised it? That means she is about to speak, or maybe she is telling you to speak. She is ready to listen. She understands English. You should tell her everything.

Yes, yes, of course this is for you! Why would I buy such a thing for myself? Don’t cry, don’t cry. I didn’t pay too much.

But sometimes, when you are afraid, you can talk to her. She will listen. She will wash away everything sad with her tears. She will use her stick to chase away everything bad. See her name: Lady Sorrowfree, happiness winning over bitterness, no regrets in this world. “

[–]ssseltzer 5 points6 points  (0 children)

ugh that book is gooooood

[–]whoareyouinthedark 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This book so good, I remember it literally made me cry as a teenager

[–]Villeneuve_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The book has been on my to-read list for years now, and this quote makes me want to get to it asap! I have a soft spot for books dealing with immigrant experience, search for identity, and the like, like those of Jhumpa Lahiri and Celeste Ng.

[–]icarusrising9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Wow, I remember reading that quote. Made me feel a lot, and think of my own mom.

That book was brilliant, and I don't know if any other book has so perfectly captured the feeling of being a first generation immigrant to the US, caught between two worlds. I'm not even Asian.

[–]heartbreakcity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Amy Tan is by far my favorite author, so I love to see other people enjoying her books! If you're into non-fiction at all, might I recommend The Opposite of Fate? It's not quite a memoir, but close enough to it, and she talks a lot about The Joy Luck Club in it. Truly a beautiful book, and it has such a great depth and humor to it.

[–]Ok-Active6881 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I absolutely love Amy Tan. Ive read all her books, but I think The Joy Luck Club is my favorite! This makes me want to reread it!

[–]FridaMercury 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this book (and the movie is beautiful too). I think this is one of the books that made me fall in love with reading as a child.

[–]Dirks_Knee 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My father is from Taiwan and married an American woman. I read this book a few years after it came out and it hits home on so many levels. Really, really good. Been so long, I should probably read it again.

[–]LucieSayz 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love this book. I just saw they’re filming a sequel to the movie!

[–]fightswithC 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice capture. It's fascinating how poignant moments can stick out in a story like that.

[–]Breadyterri 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I read this book for school and hated it. When I read it without the burden of memorising quotes, I found that it hit so much harder. Really love the book too

[–]Chemical-Routine9893 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beautiful. Thanks for sharing that!! Good writing is such a blessing to our minds and hearts, isn’t it?

[–]_herrmann_ 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the lost memory. It's still good today as it ever was yeah?

[–]its_tea_time- 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This... this is beautiful.

[–]Reddituser45005 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It is a beautiful and powerful quote

[–]Mstrchapl 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A friend of mine summed this book up so succinctly:

"My life sucks."

"Oh YEAH?!?"

[–]lovethosedamnplants 0 points1 point  (0 children)

this was one of my favourite books i read last year, it felt like such a privilege to read

[–]DrewJayJoan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am currently reading The Joy Luck Club for a literature class. I hope you enjoy it!

[–]ACcatlady 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is so lovely

[–]xPrettiUnicornx 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One of my favorite books, an absolute best. It was adapted into a movie which also good but the book was better.

[–]Mother_Locksmith_186 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Loved this book, beautiful writing

[–]Oolonger 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love that book. Amy Tan is a great writer.

[–]Standard_Zucchini172 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The book is good in the literary sense. But not a fan as i later realised the harm it does culturally.

[–]dephress 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I remember that line, and that it made me so sad. The mother is keeping the most precious and essential part of herself, the feather that symbolizes her good intentions, from her daughter until she can perfectly speak the language her daughter grows up speaking fluently. By doing so she erases her true self, her past, her culture. She could tell her daughter her dreams and goals in Chinese but doesn't see that as valid, such is her desire for a new beginning. Thus the two are separated.

[–]FireyToast 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Post a pic of the book on r/naked_books

[–]HipHopChick768 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I love Amy Tan! I remember doing a presentation for her in one of my many English classes in college!

[–]deadendworkbench 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Love this book. I’ve been wanting to watch the movie now but it’s not on streaming

[–]franhawthorne 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Swallowing more Coca-Cola than sorrow" -- Wow! What a sentence! It could apply to so many situations, relationships, adjustments... not just mothers-daughters or the immigrant experience. Here's my question: Is it a good thing or bad thing to swallow more Coke than sorrow?

[–]zsreport51 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have to admit that one of my favorite quotes ever from a book is out of Richard Russo's "Straight Man"

  • “It's possible to overlook character flaws of in-laws for the simple reason that you feel neither responsible for them nor genetically implicated.”

That quote has stick with me ever since I first read it back in the late 1990s.

[–]Rojacydh 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My kids only speak English too, and I realized when my own mother passes on I won’t have a family member with whom to speak my mother tongue. It was a sad realization. (I speak with my dad, husband and brother in English, out of habit.) Poignant experience of many, I would assume.