i will literally be your bimbo french house maid

therapist: how was your week?

me: mm.. i can’t remember

theyre right you know

found a yard burger today!

a blessing on your home

The generational divide came and punched them in the face

don't mind me

i'm just trying to kill god, mind your own business

“What do you have there?�

A KNIFE.

Sir Michael

stop right there, smooth criminal scum

a customer said “earl gay� instead of “earl grey� and my lizard brain reacted fast enough to say “that’s what they call me in England�

Tired: Chess game with the grim reaper

Wired: this incredibly high stakes and doubtless riveting game of uno

Fact: Today (September 23rd) is bisexuality awareness day. Be aware of bisexuals. They are dangerous.

WHY WOULD PORN BLOGS FOLLOW ME I’M LITERALLY KIN WITH A POPE

best sentence so far of 2017

going to print this out and find an elderly Lebanese woman to explain it to

Ok so everyone is deactivated but I remember seeing this posr back when the OP wasn’t and they meant they were RELATED to a pope (yknow, the original meaning of kin)

What a twist

ok this is false i was mutuals with the guy and he was definitely kin as in fictionkin with a pope it was the pope from that show the young pope or wahtever. anyways i think the reason he deactivated was it turned out he was into necrophilia

this was like 12 slaps in the face

Pressing the crosswalk button when there are already people standing there is like publicly announcing that you don’t trust any of them

(distorted music) trucks. EX. trucks. EX. buscles. BUSCLES! fall into   FLEX. 

trucks. EX. trucks. EX. buscles. BUSCLES! fall into   FLEX.

PICKUP! s!     MA  KING!       ‘MERICAN mi -      BUILT FOR   TO -  ORAnddfLIKing GELS GUY!     grOWN CRY

trucks. EX. trucks. EX. muscles. mUSCLES! fall into   FLEX.

trucks. hEX. trucks. hEX. muscles. mUSCLES! fall into   FLEX.

‘BAMAS!      ZEASY T -     robert’s a bore.      raAAEE  I WANT THREE       I WILL KILL YOUR T             dOON’T PLEASE

trucks.    (h) chickach        chickach *noises from the depths*  chickach *noises from the depths* chickach *noises from the depths* mmba bada     bada dabadaba BA dap   bo ba bo bap badabATRUCKS.H-HANDS. TRUCKS. *struggling for breath* HANDS *asthma* PASSION. PASSION.MORE THAN I dAN’t!

trucks. *breathing* ands. *neil calm down* trucks. *struggling* h-hands. *please someone help him* passion, passion.     

BIG FAT       BANDS!

PICKUP   S!     BLOOLOOLOO  P       BRUSH MY B -     BYE! GUESS I’M p -    DON’T YOU NYE A ONE ME YOU’LL SKYYY -       oney cry. 

(neil really starts to lose it at this point) ducks. hex. ducks. hecks.  buscles. BUSCLES! fall intAFLEX.

trucks. EX. trucks. EX. muscles. mUSCLES! fall intA  (horrible noises)   

s. saheAbueEaAAAAAAA    HAA    ha      haAAAA    (distorted music)

trucks. HEX. uggs. HXX. buscles. BUSCLES! fall inta             FLEX.

uggs. HXX. buscles. BUSCLES! fall inta             FLE     (distorted music, horribly mutated solo)

DUDESCH.   (haviDOO! kiss     (haviDUDE. KSS.  (havi (havi (haviDUDE! KISS!  (haviDO KSS!   (haviDO! KISS!    (havi (havi (having)

(distorted music)

This cat is so beautiful

minecraft isnt a horror game huh? then explain why my ass has been slapped by several berry bushes while on peaceful?

what the fuck was i on last night

Peaceful, apparently