aspergers
r/aspergers
I'm 26 and I still live with my mother, my younger and older siblings. Apart from the times I'm at work or the gym, I spend my time at home my bedroom, as it's the only place I feel like I can genuinely get peace.
Last week my family went on vacation and I had the house to myself, and it was honestly the best week I've had in a long time. Not necessarily because I had the freedom to do whatever I want, but because when I was alone, I felt like a functioning human being for once. I wasn't just confined to my room all day but I was around the house doing all kinds of things, like housework, working in the yard, cooking meals, baking and all kinds of things like that without any interruptions or disturbances. It was great, and I slept so well too because that house was actually quiet during the evenings and nights.
But now they're home again, it's only been a few days and I'm back to being confined in room, and I realize just how much I actually need to be alone to function normally. The problem is that I live in a fairly small place, so homes really don't grow on trees, and the few places that are out for rent here are out of my price range. Even if I find a home then I don't have the financial stability to rent, and if I'm going to buy one I have to save up my salary for probably another 10 years.
Is there anyone who currently or have in the past found themselves in this situation? Do you have some advice?
so, i was standing on the street in front of my house at about 7:30 pm (i moved here roughly a year ago, i live here with 1 of 2 support staff because i have autism & tourettes & ocd) and noticed a woman was washing her car in front of her house about 7 doors down the block, across the street. i walked up to the road in front of her house and said “hi”
she said “hi” back with a weird frown on her face.
i said “i live just over there” and pointed to my house. “are u washin your car?”
“ya” she said
“cool…” i said.
a car drove by so i briefly stepped onto the sidewalk. when it passed i stepped back onto the road.
“do you like chocolate milk?” i asked (this is an icebreaker-question i frequently use).
she looked around. she looked behind herself. finally she said “if you dont leave im calling the police.”
…
dumbfounded, i replied “oh, um…. ok. sorry.” and walked away from her house
Hi everyone. I haven't been officially diagnosed, as being on the spectrum wasn't something I took into consideration until recently. I've contacted my psychiatrist and we're talking in 2 weeks, but wanted to vent my frustrations here (if that's okay).
A little bit about me: I'm 28 (M) years old and made a career playing electronic music for about 5 years. Once the pandemic hit, I no longer could play shows and went into a very dark place mentally. Things have gotten a lot better in that department since then, and I've been interviewing for jobs recently. When I was 8 years old I was diagnosed with ADHD and have always been lost in my thoughts/day dreaming - I was an unruly child to say the least. When I was younger, I hated loud sounds and couldn't go see fireworks or anything of that nature. Bright lights were also a problem and going to stores such as Home Depot or Lowes would cause me to get upset. Without ADHD medication, I can sit and daydream for hours on end. I always stared at the ground when walking and thought that everyone did that, and in general I've always been the complete opposite of self-aware. There were things that I had never noticed about myself until I was older, and it's taken a lot of time to adjust to societal norms that I've noticed. Some more examples are that I never smile or laugh even if I think something is funny, people assume I'm mad when I'm not, and I often get labeled as an asshole for reasons I don't usually understand.
As far as I know, I've always had very obsessive tendencies. My father had substance abuse issues and passed away when I was 3, and was known to be obsessive too. I have a insatiable desire to pick my eye brows and if I can't pick my eyebrow I start getting irritated and stressed which makes me think about it more. My mind races a million miles per hour, and my mother told me that my dad was similar in that regard. This is probably why I gravitate towards music, as it helps keep my thoughts sorted and takes the edge off. The only other thing that seems to help slow my brain is cannabis, even though I wish that wasn't the case.
I love being alone, but I do have friends (lost a lot of previous friends because of this). As I've gotten older, I've gotten better at making friends and talking to people but it took a LOT of work. I'd say the first 25 years of my life felt like a constant battle to understand how to talk to people and get certain reactions, as it's never felt natural to me. It can be extremely draining for me to be around groups of people for extended periods and keep up with my "act." I'd say that being around more than 5 people causes me to get exhausted within 30 minutes or so because of all the different personalities. 1 on 1 conversations are preferred as I can dial in on who I'm talking to really digest what's going on.
Overall, I feel like a lot of these tendencies and issues I've had throughout my life still reside with me today. The only difference between then and now is that I can hide it well, and talk to my therapist on a monthly basis which helps sort my thoughts a bit. Even with the therapy I still get pretty overwhelmed with my thoughts and patterns at times and just feel like crying (I cry maybe twice a year and dang does it feel good) out of feeling crazy.
Recently, one of my friends brought up Asperger's in a conversation and naturally I got curious and started looking at topics here on reddit. The amount I relate to some of these posts gives me comfort and understanding of myself, even though I'm not sure if I do fall on the spectrum in this way. I really hope I'm not infringing in this sub by not being officially diagnosed, but I appreciate anyone listening to my frustrations and giving me a chance to speak about the issues I've faced.
I don't think I have any questions or anything, but if anyone wants to talk or faces similar issues please feel free to reach out. I think just writing my thoughts out and consolidating some issues has been beneficial, so thank you for allowing me to write and speak.
I pretty much never share any of the music I listen to with anyone, not even with close friends or my partner. It feels way too personal and I'd be scared they would dislike the music and say something bad about it, because in a way it would feel like they dislike me.
Whenever someone asks me what music I like I answer something very vague like "ah electronic music" or "japanese music" and hope they wouldn't ask more about it. I always feel like they would find it weird anyway, unless it's some really mainstream song pretty much everyone has heard before, in which case I don't mind so much sharing it. But if it's from a musician who is not well known I don't wanna share it, because I don't want anyone judging it.
I also feel like that with a lot of other things like certain Youtube channels I watch, since I think it's not something people would expect a 25 year old guy to watch. I wonder if this is related to aspergers and others here also feel like that or if it's just me being very insecure. I also wish I could change that, since it often makes it harder to connect with people.
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