Adults on the Autistic Spectrum
r/AutisticAdults
Hey everyone. I'm new to reddit but I would like to share a bit of my story and ask for any advice if anyone has any.
I'm 28 and currently trying to get an autism diagnosis. I could make an endless list of traits I would associate with being autistic, but I want to keep this relatively short.
My main issue at the moment is that I find it extremely difficult to explain myself, which is one of the reasons it has taken me so long to even get to a point in my life where I realised I could be autistic. I tried to speak to a GP several times about 5 or 6 years ago because I thought I could be autistic, but I would be asked why I thought that?
And that for me is the worst thing anyone can ask me because in my mind it seems like a million different things are going through my thoughts when someone asks that and whatever I am trying to think about is caught up in the mess of thoughts so I either just blank out and stare or try my best to act normal as a way to avoid embarrassment.
So when the doctor asked why I thought I was autistic, I couldn't think of any exact reason why, other than the fact that my girlfriend thinks I am and that I had been spending the past few weeks taking test after test and watching a bunch of videos about adhd and autism. I ended up getting nowhere with the GPs and gave up trying after a few visits, as I felt like they were annoyed with me/didn't believe me.
Several years later I am now trying to get a diagnosis and have been waiting for the past year for them to get back to me after my initial autism assessment. I was hoping that a diagnosis might help me deal with these issues, but the gp (as supportive as some of them can be) never seem to help and just keep telling me the only thing they can do is give me the number to refer myself to councilling, which I have tried several times but has never seemed to help.
I am struggling so much and whenever I get to a point where I feel like I'm falling into a meltdown or shutdown I can't express in words what I am feeling or why I am getting so angry. And sometimes I think of the perfect thing to say to explain myself after I have just made a massive scene, but it dissapears from my mind almost immedietly, so I am just left saying nothing.
I also get asked what is wrong during/after these meltdowns or shutdowns and I can never explain what is wrong, I can only think of the word bad, but when I just say that I am feeling bad I feel like the people around me get annoyed because I can't tell them what is wrong in more detail. It is also difficult because when I eventually calm down everything becomes a big blur and I often can't even remember much of what happened, or if I do, I then get overwhelmed thinking about it and then cycle back to having a shutdown or meltdown.
Sorry if I have made this too long, I would mainly just be interested to know if anyone else here has difficulty explaining themselves or even forming sentences most of the time when asked certain questions?
Also, don't get me wrong, I can talk just fine a lot of the time when it is something I like to talk about as long as it isn't around a lot of people. I think my main issue with this is being unable to communicate things that are abstract or nonphysical such as feelings, kind of like I need to be able to imagine it as something in a 3d environment otherwise I can't process the thoughts properly.
I feel like when I’m playing CoD/Any Competitive game like that I feel like I’m at a disadvantage all the time.
Separate from the obvious neurological issues with my fingers especially when I’m overwhelmed and they get numb and it’s harder to control…
But it just feels like when people swing around the corner they see me and react faster than I can react to seeing them.
Randomly I’ll have really great games and I’ll be top of the match and everything and some games (most games) I’ll barely get 5 eliminations…
Does anyone else (autistic specifically) notice an obvious dip in productivity equivalent to that? Or could this be something else entirely additionally to autism?
I usually only get to see my friends in person once a year. Sometimes even less. I’d been hoping one would have a get together for their birthday which they seem to do. It never came up this year. Today I see that they have all gone on holiday. They haven’t been mean or excluded me on purpose, it’s just a reminder of how unnecessary I am to them. It’s also sad that I can’t do things like that due to money, family, anxiety and all the rest.
Hello, for various reasons i’m going undercover here. I need some advice. I don’t even know where to start with this.
I’m an animal person, i’ve always understood and communicated with animals far, far better than with any human. I greatly struggle with making and maintaining friendships with people beyond work-based chitchat. I cannot make eye contact with people, and I get physically nauseous and sweaty when people stare at me. I struggle so hard to verbally communicate my feeling effectively, which is insanely confusing to me because i DIRECTLY STATE my feelings. For example: I’m having a really stressful couple days because my elderly cat (who is my best friend in the world) needed to go to the vet for what I thought was a simple procedure (as a certified vet assistant). He ended up having pretty severe anemia and needed a blood transfusion, the doctor kept him an extra night (tonight) without calling me before hand and I got very anxious very quickly when I realized I couldn’t contact the vet and check up on him for the entire night. He was supposed to come home today, but they kept him another night without notifying me, which I’m fine with (no hate vet, thanks for the cat blood), but its very stressful for the sudden change. I went to my parents and siblings who were chatting downstairs and we entered a conversation about him. I literally said “i’m mad” and explained why. I do this frequently, if i am feeling a strong emotion i will start the explanation with “i’m feeling (blank)”. HOWEVER this never seems to translate to people. I feel that they never fully comprehend what I’m saying or expressing, and its often humiliating and isolating. I feel like no matter what I do my feelings are never truly expressed. This is one reason I interact and communicate so much better with animals, because I completely understand physical body language. I’m 17 for 2 more weeks, and while I love my parents, they’ve never even entertained the idea of me being autistic, or allowed me to see anyone to talk about it. I think mostly in fear (?) I feel isolated and completely alone. I feel so strange and judged and scared and Im not entirely sure what to do. When i think about the possibility of an actual autism diagnosis i feel such an insane amount of relief, because i just feel like I wouldnt be so alone and it would finally MAKE SENSE.
Advice? Kind words? $2,500 for vet bills?
Is swaying a common trait in adults with autism when they are bored or ruminating?
About Community
Members
Online
Filter by flair
r/AutisticAdults Rules
This forum allows open discussion and debate, but please do not make it personal. A good way to avoid problems is to make sure you are presenting your own specific experiences and opinions, not making generalisations about a group.
This rule includes, but is not limited to: negative stereotypes of autistic people; negative stereotypes of disability; transphobia; homophobia; sexism; and racism.
Your are free to talk about your own experiences. Please recognise that other people may have different experiences. In particular, please do not suggest that autism, autistic experiences, or difficulties associated with being autistic do not exist.
Please do not label people as autistic because they exhibit negative behaviors, or assume that someone's bad behavior is because they are autistic.
You won't be banned or censored because you say "person with autism" instead of "autistic people". We all have different preferences. But please be polite when people tell you how they prefer to be called.
Please be sensible when reporting posts based on this rule. This rule will not be used to stifle debate and discussion on contentious issues, only to filter things like spurious medical or legal claims.
This rule particularly applies when posting the same link to multiple groups, and when you are advertising your own content on a blog or video elsewhere.
Researcher posts do not need special permission, so long as they go into the sticky research thread, following the guidance there.
You don't have to be autistic to post here. This includes, but is not limited to, people wondering if they are autistic, and dealing with autistic adults in their lives. Participants operating as researchers or journalists must use a "researcher" flair so that others can freely choose whether to engage with them.
Related subreddits
20,680 members
193,120 members
662 members
36,112 members
123,256 members
60,195 members