Today I Fucked Up
r/tifu
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4I'm sorry I just need somewhere to vent as literally everyone is saying I'm a d*** for kicking my pregnant ex out over this. To clarify this is not the first time she's done this but this time it cost me over $1000. Also, I'm sorry if this was choppy I'm seeing red right now.
So recently I got 2 massive orders for pastries for 2 weddings and a few other parties, I had spent 1 week working with my team on the orders as it was 75-100 per item. Well, we finished yesterday and I and the team decided to go to the movies and just relax... big mistake. My now ex had a party planned... without asking me... in the home, I pay for while she just sits on her butt doing nothing. She's never had a job she just waits for everyone to hand her what she needs.
We recently found out she's pregnant a month and a half ago, but she's been using it as an excuse. At first, it was just 1 or 2 of them but it gradually became more. 1 to 2 to 15- 20. which wasn't an inconvenience as it was only one more batch, and I was fine with that.
However, yesterday was the last straw when I went out she threw a party with 14 of her friends and they got hungry, so they made their way down to the shop and went through nearly everything my team made. (My dad owns the bakery it's not too far down from our house, so it wasn't that hard for her to get in.) Well, when we came back we found my ex and 14 of her friends wasted on nearly $1000 of pastries. I nearly lost my s*** and started screaming at her asking wtf was she doing and why she thought this was okay.
She blamed this on pregnancy cravings and tried to say that she wanted the baby to eat well, but when I asked about her friends she said they also had cravings. I kicked her out and had to call and explain everything to both parties. Full refund for both of them as there was barely anything that could be salvaged.
TL;DR I left products alone while I went to watch a movie and came back to my ex and 14 friends completely wasted on over $1000 of it.
UPDATE: She ended up calling me on her parent's phone around 7-8 am screaming at me for posting our private lives for everyone to see. She then proceeded to ask me through crocodile tears if I would press charges on her and her friends for "having fun". I replied yes and as I was about to hang up she brought up the child, as to which I told her to get a paternity test or not it will not be my problem. She then starts trying to manipulate and gaslight me crying saying "it was just her being hospitable to her friends and that it was rude of me to yell at them and kick them out" she then proceeds to cry about me not caring about her and I just hung up and blocked her.
As of right now, I'm fixing to leave for the PD and I hope you do come, Maddie with the evidence I have you'll be arrested on the spot... Also, I've seen this in the comments a lot so to clarify
1: wasted on sweets, not alcohol, and 2: yes I did use a condom every time however a few of them broke I assumed nothing of it as she was on birth control... I feel like this was just planned or she was sleeping around either way I'm still going through with charges. there are too many comments to go through but these were the questions I saw the most. Also thank you for the support... It means a lot
I (47m) have 3 kids in their 20’s. All are independent and live on their own, one is pregnant with her first child. I was done, ready to be a grandpa, starting to think about selling my company and taking an early retirement.
Then I met her.
It was about six months ago and our small city was hosting a massive blood-donation event to combat a shortage. A bunch of local businesses and non-profits set up stalls and were giving things out to donors, advertising their services, etc. I own an electrical company and we were put at a table right next to a table for the local charity. There was only one person working at it, a young woman (29F), and we started talking. We ended up spending the whole day chatting, flirting, laughing. We hit it off.
Here’s where it all starts to go wrong. I could have just taken it as an ego boost that this beautiful younger woman gave me some of her attention, could have just waved at her while we put our shit in our cars at the end of the night. I didn’t though. I asked for her number.
That was six months ago and a few days ago she told me she’s pregnant. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I am so fucked. My fourth child is going to be younger than my grandchild. She’s happy, like this isn’t going to completely ruin my plans for the second half of my life.
She was never on birth control, and always open with me about that, however condoms fell by the wayside pretty quickly. I kept meaning to make an appointment for a vasectomy but figured pulling out would be fine, my ex-wife and I had done it for almost a decade and never had some much as a scare. Dumb. Dumb as hell. Idiot of epic fucking proportions.
Learn from my mistake folks, because I sure as hell didn’t learn from the cautionary sex-ed lessons. The pull-out method is bullshit.
TLDR: met a pretty younger woman, had a lot of sex, now she’s pregnant and my procrastination on getting a vasectomy has backfired exactly like how you’d expect it backfire.
Edit for clarity: GF and I went on a few dates before we first slept together and it’s been going on ever since. We aren’t exactly in a relationship, I wasn’t taking it too seriously because of where we are in our lives, but I like her a lot. To everyone suggesting a paternity test, she did offer and is scheduled to do it in early September. She’s been very transparent with me about other relationships (when we first started seeing each other there was another guy but it fizzled out within a month) and is generally an honest, straight-forward person. If she says it’s 100% my kid and offers to do a paternity test of put my mind at ease, I do believe her, however we will confirm.
Yes, I know I’m an idiot. Yes, I was thinking with my dick. Yes, we did discuss abortion and while she is pro-choice, it isn’t a choice she would make for herself. I respect that and have no intention of pushing. I think it’s very clear I am just as much to blame as she is and will step up. I will love my kid, I will be a good dad. In the event it doesn’t work out with GF, I am confident she is a person who I can easily co-parent with.
4
*** Let me preface this by saying this story is incredibly long, but every person who has heard it has thought it one of the craziest stories they've ever heard ***
So right up front, this happened about 17 years ago. Right before Episode 3 came out.
I was a senior in college and was an introvert to say the least. I was going through some personal shit I wasn't mature enough to handle, so I stayed indoors a lot. My best friend had asked me if I wanted to go camping with him and some friends the coming Friday night, but for the aforementioned reasons I declined. We'd both been drinking, so I commented wouldn't it be funny if I showed up in the middle of the night and convinced everyone a serial killer was in the woods. We laughed at the audacity of such a thing, and continued with our regular college schedule.
Friday night comes, it's 11PM and I'm watching Aqua Teen Hunger Force alone in my dorm room. My best friend had just recently gotten a cell phone as they were just starting to become mainstream and affordable for broke people. He tells me they're at the camp site and that I should come out and do the prank we talked about earlier in the week. Being 22, broke, young and bored, this seemed like a fantastic idea. So I tell him I agree, I'll pack some shit up, hit up walmart for some libations and snacks, and begin the hike through the woods to a camp site I had never been to.
The first major mistake of the night was deciding I had to bring my handgun with me. It wouldn't be real without gunshots, so my immature, idiotic 22 year old self thought this idea genius. As I said, this all occurred shortly before Episode III came out, and a couple weeks prior we had drunkenly walked through Walmart and I saw Ben Kenobi's lightsaber for sale and just had to have it. So I toss that in my bag and begin my trek for the evening.
I'd never been to this camp site before, and we agreed I couldn't use a flashlight as that would be visible well before I made it to the campsite. So I used to the moonlight to navigate 1.5 miles of a somewhat existent trail (it would be there and be gone for a couple hundred feet) until after about 40 minutes I finally saw the glow of their campfire. My buddy had periodically "gone for firewood" and would call me to track my progress. As fate would have it, he "went for firewood" just as I saw the campfire in the distance, so we were able to begin our ruse and what would become the dumbest thing either of us has done in 40 years of living....
I guess it's important to introduce the entire cast of characters in this story, as it will help make sense later on. My buddy "Dave" and I were the primary culprits, but our friend "Mike" aware of what was planned and in on it too. Mike's girlfriend "Jane", and his two friends "Carrie" and "Mark" whom were dating, and Mark's younger (and underage) brother "Brian" were all present. As stated, there was a campfire, but what I didn't know until I got there was that their campsite was at the base of a waterfall with very steep inclines to their immediate right and left, making the only plausible escape route directly forward in the area I was coming in from.
TIFU by getting my mom and my Gf’s mom to think we hated each other while we secretly dated (Update)
Hey everyone. The comments were harsh on my first post but I can’t say I didn’t deserve it. I liked the suggestions of tricking them into meeting or even a random musical number with strangers as somebody suggested. But we just wanted to be straight up instead of doing something crazy again.
So the past few days, my GF and I have been trying to get our moms to talk to each other. They were against it at first, but eventually agreed to give it a try. Today we all met up for lunch to talk things out.
Basically my Gf and I did our best to explain why we did what we did. We said there was a lot of pressure for 2 strangers to meet and date and we felt as though they overstepped some boundaries. So we decided to do that stupid joke of pretending we hated each other so we didn’t have to hear the constant “We told you so”. We apologized for taking our joke too far and said that all we want is for them to be friends again.
The moms said that the hardest part in all of this was finding out we were actually together after they had already fought. They finally got what they wanted but couldn’t actually enjoy it. They also apologized for trying to interfere with our dating lives, but we told them that it wasn’t necessary because it turned out to be a good thing.
We all talked for a little longer and it went pretty well. They asked some questions about my GF and I and started joking around with us. It ended up a being a lot less tense than it was at the start. Their friendship is not back to where it was yet, but I’m confident that it will. Could take some time, but I’m glad things are moving in a positive direction. I feel like we can do now is enjoy ourselves and hope for the best.
TL;DR: 4 of us talked things out. Their friendship is a work in progress but heading in a positive direction.
2I have been living with my roommate tor a few months. My roommate (26 M) is always in his underwear at home. It doesn't bother me (30 M) because I grew up with all brothers and played sports with guys that were not modest... I don't hang out in my underwear but my roommate does all the time. When I get home I usually put on some gym shorts or sweatpants. However, my room doesn't have a bathroom, so I have to walk through the living room to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, take a shower, etc. If I get up at night to use the bathroom or get out of the shower and I'm in my boxer briefs he will yell at me to put some pants on, meanwhile he is laying on the couch in his boxers. When I told him he is always in his underwear, he said boxers don't count as underwear. I usually sleep in my boxer briefs, but I've been putting shorts on anytime I need to go to the bathroom or get up at night to feed my cat etc. I don’t think seeing someone for 50 seconds in their underwear will scar him for life.
This morning he got really pissed at me though. He usually sleeps in on the weekends and I got up to get a cup of coffee. I was in my boxer briefs. I didn't know he and his girlfriend fell asleep on the couch. His girlfriend went to take a shower and he immediately started lecturing me. He told me he hates when I walk around in my underwear, but especially when his girlfriend is there. MEANWHILE HE IS IN HIS BOXERS WHILE LECTURING ME. I again pointed out he was in his underwear and he said boxers don't count as underwear and it's his girlfriend that is there and I should make sure to wear pants.
TL/DR my roommate got mad at me for wearing only my briefs in front of his girlfriend.
So last night (I guess last night IFU) I wanted to take some cute photos of my baby, but his hair was looking like it somehow got hit by a typhoon on a bender, we’re talking Jimmy Newtron style cowlick meets Krusty the Clown patterned hair. The little Safety First hairbrush with its flimsy plasticy bristles was no match for this hair, we needed a real heavyweight for this wrestling match. We needed the real GOAT brush. So I head over to the bedroom and release the real goat hair brush from its prison cell aka our dresser drawer, where it lives its forbidden life, hidden away from our youngest but fattest cat Leo, and I brush my baby’s hair into something resembling a respectable, balding peach.
Now, here is where the FU happens. Rather than do it myself, I asked my husband to please escort the goat hair brush back to its prison cell, so that our criminal mastermind loaf of a cat Leo does not find his assault weapon of choice. You can all guess what happened (aka didn’t happen).
Fast forward to 3:30 AM and my baby’s hair is starting to furl up again but more importantly he decides 3:30 AM is a great time to host a screamo concert for the entire prison apartment complex. I haul my tired ass over to him and sit him in the drunk tank couch for some sobering middle of the night refreshments. Unfortunately, the screamo concert attracted the wrong kind of crowd and my oldest but floofiest cat decides to start a mosh pit for 1 by knocking everything off the coffee table, including the forbidden GOAT hair brush my husband “put away”. In my sleep deprived state I neglect to return this prisoner back to its cell (again), but eventually the screamo concert ends and we all (minus the goat brush) head to bed.
And then the real prison riot begins. The screamo concert had been a diversion. Leo, the fat bandit, was able to acquire his assault weapon of choice. He runs wildly, holding his goat hair brush between his sharp fangs. He knows security is nearby, so he evades capture by jumping into a cell-one with bars about 2” apart on all 4 sides-yes, the crib, and he begins his riot by running around in circles clanging the wooden handled goat hair brush against the wooden rails. CLANG CLANG CLANG. It’s a scene we’ve all seen on TV. Baby startles! Baby laughs!? CLANG CLANG!! Security runs towards the crib, but the fat bandit has escaped, still clutching the goat brush between his fangs. Eventually, we manage to tackle the fat bandit and retrieve the goat brush. I sigh, and take a moment to contemplate whether I need this to brush the Jimmy Netwron cowlicks out of my own Krusty the Clown patterned hair. And that’s when the fat bandit’s older but floofier accomplice reappears, aiming his loud meow directly at baby Jimmy the Clown Jr. This is a stick up. He demands treats! Treats now or I meow in baby’s face!! And this is how I wound up wide awake since 3:30 AM, a prisoner to 2 cats, a baby, Jimmy the Clown hair, and a goat hair brush. The most terrifying part is, I don’t know where I put the goat hair brush. If I ever manage to get back to sleep, it’ll have to be with one eye open.
TLDR: neglected to put baby’s hair brush away despite history of loaf cat wanting to murder it. Loaf cat found the brush in the dead of night, ensuing a police-style chase while he banged it on every surface (including my baby’s crib) waking everyone up. Featuring bribery by my floofy cat, who threatened to meow at my baby’s face after the hard work of getting him back to sleep unless he was fed treats.
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