Do other women/ afabs feel like they are subjected to sexist comments more in this sub than in other autism subs?

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T21:43:54+00:00

Yeah. I don't typically post here, or interact. R/Aspiememes is even worse. For a lot of different reasons there is an idea/commonly held belief (not even sure if it's true or has been studied) that women with Aspergers can enter romantic relationships easier than men with Aspergers. Due to this commonly held belief it seems like some men with Aspergers hold resentment (also anecdotal) toward women with Aspergers. I feel like that resentment turns into misogyny and that misogyny leads to a Venn diagram between incels and men with Aspergers. Not all incels have Aspergers and not all men with Aspergers are incels, but some incels have Aspergers and they join r/Aspergers and make this a hateful space. R/short is like this too. A bunch of guys who perceive that they are unloved by women, or feel left out of success and society lash out at any woman who tries to post on there.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T17:15:51+00:00

Yeah. It's really tough with in laws. I think there's an urge in us (I'm a people pleaser) to just push through not ideal situations to "share the new baby time." It's not necessary and if you need to cut the vacation short, do it!

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T04:07:21+00:00

To clarify I was in the 4th trimester and she wouldn't cook for herself or do anything for herself much less for us. The worst part was my mom HAD been helping and felt too awkward to help because she didn't want to butt in on the other grandma's "time."

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T04:04:39+00:00

Nah. In laws basically just want to hold your baby for hours and not do sh*t for you. That's been my experience so far. My mil was going to stay with us for a couple weeks and a few days in I told my husband that she needed to go because it was so much ADDED work for me. He cried and felt super awkward but totally understood and backed me up because he knows how hard it is.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T03:54:03+00:00

It's 2022 baby and we aren't playing games.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T03:52:51+00:00

Just going to his job is not enough. Would he be going to work if he was a single guy with no kid? Yeah. Just stop doing the other stuff. If he complains explain how alimony and child support works. Hand his ass a damn vacuum, broom, mop, some dish soap and clap clap. Maybe a recipe. If he doesn't want to help cook he can work etc to pay for takeout. He made that kid too. All this extra work is his responsibility also.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-19T03:43:18+00:00

If she pays union dues then she is in a union. Is she at a hospital? Palomar and Tri city in North County have unions for their CNAs. I don't think most of the Skilled nursing facilities have union representation in San Diego. CNAs can go get another job right now. If she has a bad supervisor she should go to a new employer that has union representation for CNAs. The ball is in her court right now because there is such a shortage of CNAs.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-18T23:39:18+00:00

I made a jokey comment, but I'm alumni and this feeling sucks. What can you do? Be creative. You're getting a degree, you have a job and you're an intern. In the last recession I saw people leave college, stay in their unrelated "make ends meet job" and get stuck and never use their degree. These people lead horrific depressing lives. DO NOT DO THIS. I don't care if you have to sleep in your car for a month struggle for a reasonable amount of time to get and stay in a job in your field. I quickly stalked your other posts and see that you are CS. There's going to be layoffs in that field. You need to be smart. Do you go to grad school to shield yourself from this recession? This is your parachute if everything else fails. Think about less glamorous jobs that you can use your degree/experience. Universities, colleges, and hospitals need employees with your education and experience. I've seen lots of postings at MiraCosta college and CSUSM for data analysis and programming. I keep seeing Scripps hospital hiring for epic analysts for the EPIC systems that many hospitals use. It sounds like Scripps does in house training. I hope this gets your wheels turning on how to protect yourself from the recession. Maybe your job won't seem very trendy to your graduating cohort, but in 6 months when they're laid off they will be asking you to put in a good word for them.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-18T23:04:04+00:00

What will happen to SD? If I remember 2008-2009 correctly you're going to see a lot of people getting into fake military marriages and clamor over Starbucks baristas. A lot of that had to do with the fact fake military marriages and Starbucks had health insurance, but now that we have affordable care act Idk how this will impact SD.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-18T00:06:05+00:00

I haven't done this yet, but if you have a monitor you can hook up to your phone screen I don't see how it's any different than if you lived in a mansion sized house and went to the other side of the house. I'm super paranoid so I would maybe leave an extra key hidden outside your door just incase your keys got lost in those few minutes and you get locked out of your home. if you have anyone (like a partner) you could also text them "hey I'm walking to the car if I don't text you when I get back inside the house in 5 minutes call me and if I don't answer call 911."

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-18T00:00:45+00:00

Stay strong OP! Shit is wild out here. I have a big freeway driving phobia after getting rear ended going 70 mph in the slow lane near La Costa. The lady was a total crackhead driving someone else's truck. You're not imagining it. People drive awful here and inappropriately fast. They text and do all sorts of stupid sh*t swaying in their lanes. They don't let people merge because they're in a big rush to get to downtown or Sorrento valley and can't afford to live closer to work or leave at a decent time so we all have to pay the price with our lives!

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-17T23:55:33+00:00

Yep! My husband hates how I "hang around" the semi trucks, but it keeps me alive! I have bad PTSD on the freeway because I was slammed into from behind while one of us (me) was going 70 (in the slow lane).

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-17T18:42:23+00:00

This answer is so well put!

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-17T18:40:22+00:00

You are right. Bed sharing is incredibly unsafe. Ask the pediatrician what they think when you go to the baby's next appointment. The pediatrician will explain that babies should always sleep on a firm surface with no loose blankets, or pillows because of a risk of suffocation. Research "evidenced based safe sleep," and explain to your wife that you don't want to accidentally kill your kid. Science and years of research and the entire medical field is on your side! If no one is at risk of falling asleep I push the comforters aside and my husband and I will cuddle our baby. Once he (the baby) falls asleep we carefully move him to a baby safe mattress and sleeping area where he is within earshot and view. He only wakes up once a night now if that so it is a bit easier. But even when he woke up every 2 hours to eat we did this sleeping arrangement. I did not get pregnant for nine months and follow all the guidelines just to accidentally suffocate my baby in our bed.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T20:03:50+00:00

My baby is chill and I'm already over being a SAHM. I had left my career to go to nursing school after working really hard to get in. I found out I was pregnant and then I was put on activity rest and had to take a medical leave from school. I won't go back until August. So I lost my new identity right after losing the identity of a woman with a master's degree/career in social work. I cry almost everyday. I have PPD. My husband has been really great though and I still resent him for being able to go back to a job. He swears he wishes he was at home and I'm like "cool I wish I still had my full-time job/made more money than you so you COULD stay at home."

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T19:48:32+00:00

That's so tough!!! I would keep pushing with her pediatrician because that does sound strange that she gets fussy after only 2 oz!

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T18:04:11+00:00

Yeah. I literally thought I was having neurological issues. I swap out words. Say crazy stuff. I feel like my iq dropped twenty points. It's getting better at 14 weeks. My husband had a vasectomy and couldn't help as much for a few days and my mommy brain came back really bad so I'm pretty sure it's just exhaustion and biology funneling our resources into what we need to take care of the baby.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T17:48:38+00:00

I say I hate being a mom like every other day and I really really love my baby so please don't judge yourself. If this was any other job we would be allowed to say we hate aspects of it.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T17:46:03+00:00

When my baby started sleeping through the night his wake windows got huge and he barely naps. He takes one hour long nap and maybe two other 30 minute naps. My mom says I was the same as a baby.if he starts getting fussy I will squeeze/massage his feet or switch out his toys within his reach. Sometimes I've found that even if he ate just an hour before if he is fussy he likes a little top off of maybe 2oz. I have to use formula so I'm not sure how that works with breast milk or pumping. The biggest lie are those baby schedules you find all over Pinterest. I used to be a daycare worker a decade ago and now have a graduate degree in behavior analysis and those schedules should be the loosest of guidelines especially before 6 months of age. You're (we are) insanely lucky to have babies who sleep through the night but the rest of the day I would say anything goes and make sure baby is getting enough nutrition and quiet/dim lit breaks between play. I wouldn't try to put baby down for a nap if she's just chilling and playing. If she shows signs of sleepiness like dropping eyes slower play movements I would try to dim the lights and see if she gets sleepier. If she snaps back awake like she's forci g herself to stay awake and starts crying I would try feeding her and then seeing if she'll sleep.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T17:31:40+00:00

You're saying his family enables him, but I think you have as well. When you have a baby you don't wait for an "ideal job," you go out there and do whatever you can. He wasn't even pregnant. What was he doing while you were waddling around trying to work???? Wtf was he doing when you were changing out your bloody pads after you gave birth??? This is nuts. Like I said, calculate what you need to make up the difference from his parents. Downsize, whatever you need to do. Unfortunately I don't even know if you can get child support because idk if his parents money counts as income. Is that why he didn't want a job??? I would talk to a legal clinic anyway to figure out child support maybe the govt can make him work.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T17:25:37+00:00

He was a loser before the baby. And you can't have dead weight with a baby. You're in survival mode and he is doing nothing to help you survive. The sad truth is his parents are doing more for you than him. I would figure out what benefit you can get like WIC or anything that can make up the difference in the money you are getting from his parents for the other half of housing/food. At the end of the day you are sharing finances with two other adults, not him and you need to remember that everytime you look at him. If he's not in school he can take ANY job until he finds his idea job. He can go do Instacart delivery for all I care. That's so disgusting that you were working right up to and after birth and he couldn't

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T17:18:14+00:00

I printed and put it in three different places in the house. If he says his family is coming out to help do not fall for it unless you have seen them be helpful with other babies.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T04:30:25+00:00

It is most commonly used for people with shortened cervix . I had a subchorionic hemorrhage at 7 weeks which if it is significant enough can lead to an early miscarriage. After being seen in the ER I met with an Ob who wanted to do her due diligence to see if there was a causation behind (a threatened miscarriage) and ran a lab on my progesterone levels. She was pretty great about trying to stay ahead of things that could come up with the risk factor of PCOS. Otherwise I was pretty much told to hope and wait and follow activity/pelvic rest. I never did get a shortened cervix, but I ended up with placenta previa so that was...not great. Honestly, I'm still really shocked I have a 15 week old baby.

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-16T04:17:16+00:00

I believe so! I didn't end up needing it so I can't say for sure

thedarkhorse90 · 2022-06-15T23:06:34+00:00

I'm a bit confused by your initial post. Are you pregnant right now? If you're trying to conceive you shouldn't go on birth control. Some obgyns like people to go on a pill 28 day cycle birth control until they have a regular cycle and a uterine lining that is a healthier thickness. If you don't get a regular period your uterine lining can become very thick not only is that bad for an egg to implant it can also lead to cancer. If you haven't used protection you ABSOLUTELY need to have a negative pregnancy test before starting birth control. Is there a medication to take once you get pregnant? Yes and no. Ideally you'll be at a level of health that supports your pregnancy. One test my obgyn did was check my progesterone levels. Women with PCOS are prone to imbalanced progesterone and this imbalance can l ad to miscarriages. Doctors can prescribe a medication to correct low levels and will check throughout your pregnancy. I think you should get a different obgyn it doesn't sound like this one is communicating very well.

thedarkhorse90

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