Brewster's Millions (1985)
Actors:
Alan Autry (actor),
Joey Banks (actor),
Steven Benson (actor),
Grand L. Bush (actor),
R.D. Call (actor),
John Candy (actor),
Carmine Caridi (actor),
Stephen Collins (actor),
Hume Cronyn (actor),
Ji-Tu Cumbuka (actor),
Shaka Cumbuka (actor),
Jerome Dempsey (actor),
John DiGangi (actor),
Bennie E. Dobbins (actor),
Gary Alexander (actor),
Plot: Brewster is a minor league baseball player. Unknown to him, he had a (recently deceased) rich relative. In order to test if Brewster knows the value of money, he is given the task of disposing of $30m in 30 days. Brewster isn't allowed to have any assets to show for the $30m or waste the money in any way. If successful, Brewster gets to inherit $300m. The biggest problem of all however, is that Brewster can't tell anyone what he's doing, so everyone thinks he's crazy. Add to this the fact that if he fails, two scheming trustees will get their hands on the money, Brewster's task is not an easy one.
Keywords: accountant, accounting-fraud, african-american-man, apostrophe-in-title, bail-out-of-jail, bank-vault, bar-fight, baseball, baseball-catcher, baseball-pitcher
Genres:
Comedy,
Taglines: An American excess story. Yesterday he was a relief pitcher in the minor leagues of life. Today he's been handed the American Dream... on a very hot plate. He has 30 million to spend in 30 days - and he's doing it in the craziest, funniest way ever! This is the story of Montgomery Brewster, a relief pitcher in the Minor Leagues of life, who is about to be handed the American Dream... on a very hot plate. One man is about to make the biggest decision that will change the course of his life... financially and mentally. From the people that brought you "The Warrriors", "48 Hrs.", and "Streets of Fire" comes a film about one man's chance to be rich... with a catch. Spend $30 Million in the next 30 days without acquiring any assets in order to collect an inheritance of $300 Million. Sounds easy? Well, you'll soon find out. You don't have to be crazy to blow 30 million dollars in 30 days. But it helps. Your Basic Riches-To-Rags Comedy
Quotes:
Monty Brewster: Gentlemen, do you think I'm a lowlife?::Tailor: Oh no, Mr. Brewster. Not with these clothes.
Rupert Horn: [speaking to Monty in his recorded will] Brewster? Greetings from the grave! Don't look so surprised. Did you know your great-grandfather was a honky? My old man married twice. One wife, white, produced me. One wife, black, produced your grandmother. Checkered family you might say. I've outlived them all Brewster, except you. They tell me you're my only living relative and I have to say, I'm disappointed. Look at you! what have you made of yourself? A failed baseball pitcher. I believe in being honest, Brewster. No bullshit. I'm stuck with you. But... we're gonna have some fun... [starts laughing only to be overtaken by terrible coughing for a moment before calming down] Let me tell ya a little story, Brewster. When I was seven years old, my daddy caught me smoking a cigar. Locked me in a broom closet for two days and two nights with nothing more than a box of cigars and a book of matches. No food, Brewster. No water, just those god damn cigars. Wouldn't let me out till I finished every last one of them. Taught me one HELL of a lesson! I'm gonna do to you what my daddy did to me. I'm gonna teach you to HATE spending money. I'm gonna make you so sick of spending money that the mere sight of it will make you wanna throw up! [pause] So, here's my proposition: you have thirty days in which to spend thirty million bucks. If you can do it, you get three hundred million!::Monty Brewster: [more to himself] There's gotta be a catch.::Rupert Horn: Of course there's a catch! You have to spend the thirty million, but after thirty days you're not allowed to own any assets. No houses, no cars, no jewelry. Nothing but the clothes on your back! Now, you can hire anybody you want, but you have to get value for their services. You can donate five percent to charity and you can gamble another five percent away, but you can't give this money away, and that includes buying the Hope Diamond for some bimbo as a birthday present. [pauses for a beat] oh, I know what you're thinking, you'll buy yourself a dozen Picassos and use them for firewood, right?::Monty Brewster: [nods his head somewhat, still stunned]::Rupert Horn: Wrong! You must not destroy what is inherently valuable, that's instant disqualification. Oh, I almost forgot. You're not allowed to tell anybody WHY you have to spend this money.::Monty Brewster: But why can't I tell my friends?::Rupert Horn: Because I don't want anybody helping out! Nobody helped me out in that closet with those cigars! I never had any friends. So, Brewster what do you think? You got the balls for it? [pause] I doubt it. That's why I put a special wimp clause in my will. You can have a million dollars right now and forget the whole thing. Or you can go for the big one, Brewster. The three hundred million. But if you fail, you don't get didley!
Monty Brewster: What are you gonna vote?::Crowd: [in unison] None of the above!
Monty Brewster: Why is it when there's trouble we're the ones that get into it. I mean, there's a bar full of people and we're the only ones in jail.::Spike Nolan: I don't think it's racial you know, because I'm in here with you.::Monty Brewster: That's comforting.
[discussing the redecoration of Monty's room]::Marilyn: Imagine this. Mesopotamia...::Monty Brewster: Mesopotamia...::Marilyn: meets Busby Berkeley.::Monty Brewster: Busby Berkeley...::[Monty has a bewildered look on his face]
Monty Brewster: Marilyn? I could die in this room.
Spike Nolan: Monty, this is Hackensack, NJ. No scout comes here, you understand that. Trains are going through the outfield right now. But you strike this guy out, I'll take you with me tonight and get you drunk, that's a promise.
[On night 29, Angela Drake is calculating all the expenses and finds that Monty had spent the remaining $38,000 on the big party in the Plaza Hotel's Grand Ballroom; Brewster walks into the room to see the inevitable]::Monty Brewster: Hi. I thought I'd find you here. Listen, since Warren's not around, I... thought maybe I can escort you to the party.::Angela Drake: Monty, I'm real sorry about you retiring from baseball. I know how much it meant to you.::Monty Brewster: That's all right. I mean, it happens to everyone sooner or later. It's the nature of the game.::Angela Drake: Yeah. Well... I don't think there's anything left here for me to add up, so I guess this is goodbye.::Monty Brewster: Goodbye? Don't you wanna go to the party?::Angela Drake: Oh, no. I couldn't stand another one. If you wanna know the truth, I don't see what could you possibly be celebrating unless you think it's okay to squander thirty million dollars.::Monty Brewster: I don't. I just think maybe it was a phase I was going through.::[Angela, about to turn cross, starts to walk away]::Monty Brewster: Listen, tomorrow, things will be different. I won't be like this anymore.::Angela Drake: [turns cross] Come tomorrow, you are dead broke. It's all over. You don't even have a job playing baseball anymore. And what do you do? You throw a party with last thirty-eight thousand!::Monty Brewster: Listen to me. I pissed off so much money, I figured, what difference does $38,000 make?::Angela Drake: [angry] Oh, how dare you. That's more money than a lot of hard-working people earn in a year! You better get your values together because you're gonna need them.::Monty Brewster: [frustated] Why don't wait until tomorrow and then you'll know what this is all about.::Angela Drake: [furious] Just forget it, okay? And I hope you have fun at that party 'cause it all you got left!::[Angela, very upset, storms out of the room and slams the door behind him]::Monty Brewster: I love you.
Charley Pegler: upon watching his infield screw up a simple three-base toss during practice: "Great! That's great! Tinker to Evers to Shit!"
Chu Chu and the Philly Flash (1981)
Actors:
Jerry Anderson (actor),
Carl Arena (actor),
Adam Arkin (actor),
Alan Arkin (actor),
Matthew Arkin (actor),
Tony Arkin (actor),
Scott Beach (actor),
Ralph Chesse (actor),
Eugene Choy (actor),
Daniel Forrest (actor),
Danny Glover (actor),
Dabbs Greer (actor),
Max Grodénchik (actor),
Sid Haig (actor),
Danny Aiello (actor),
Plot: Flash used to be a talented baseball player but he took to drinking and now he sells stolen watches in the streets. One day he meets Chu Chu who, before falling into alcoholism like him, was a successful entertainer. Now she still dances but in the streets for no more than a cent or two. Luck seems to smile at them the day they find stolen government documents forgotten some place. They decide to return them to their legal owners but instead of the expected reward money all the retribution they get is a whole lot of trouble.
Keywords: baseball-has-been, carmen-miranda-impersonator, character-name-in-title, homelessness, reference-to-carmen-miranda, san-francisco-california, vagrant
Genres:
Comedy,
Taglines: Meet the oddest and funniest couple of the year!
