Judo - The universal principle of adaptability

Well. This is embarrassing - especially since I'm usually the one giving advice around here.

I've been doing grappling (wrestling, judo, BJJ) a long time, so I thought this problem would go away with time. Instead its taken "new and interesting" proportions.

So I figure, for the first time, I'd talk about it and see if any of you can relate, have answers, or are demi-gods amongst us who live charmed lives. It's high time I figure this little problem out - and you all are my brain trust.

The Problem: Its a mental block that keeps me from going more than 50-60% in randori - sometimes shiai. I stop committing to techniques, stop taking the initiative, and become a "counter" thrower.

What's going through my head:

1. I am 210-220 lbs, 5'11" and relatively strong / athletic. My partners are not. I have to go easy.

   1. Nuance 1: My judo class is mostly people several weight classes below me (3 or more weight classes). Even the nidans are smaller than me. My sensei is my weight class, but he's frequently getting hurt working with the younger competitive people and gets taken out for months at a time.

   2. Nuance 2: Conversely, my BJJ class is people my weight class or above - but they are BJJ folks - so I can't go hard. To their credit, they are taking the opportunity to learn stand up from me - but I still have to go easy on them.

   3. Nuance 3: I don't hold back from fellow wrestlers.

2. If I go past 60% I hurt people.

   1. Just in the last few months:

      1. I hurt an ikkyu with an osoto-gari (he did a good ukemi, but fell on his bad shoulder).

      2. I rung a nikyu's bell with an osoto-gari.

      3. I hurt a younger competitive kid with an Uchi-mata (Sensei told me to throw him with Uchimata if he held a defensive stance for too long - I did and he hurt his "ribs").

      4. I tweaked a nidan's back with a kosoto gari. (Honestly don't know how this happened - I think he has back problems)