Today I Fucked Up
r/tifu
2
2
My brother (18) and I (16F) are in the same year (Both in year 12) and when we used to go to the same school (not anymore, thankfully) people used to ask us if we were twins and i'd explain that no, i skipped.
Pretty much everyone got confused and people always thought we were twins, and i got tired of explaining so i just gave up and told everyone, yeah we're twins. I'd explain it, then once more i'd get asked by the same people what it was like to have a twin. I got tired.
We've been in different schools for three years now.
I've mentioned i was 16 a billion times and i thought everyone knew it was just a thing i say as then they're likely to work it out because HE IS 18. ITS A RUNNING JOKE NOW IN MY WHOLE SCHOOL! People will ask me "Hows your twin?" its just a JOKE
Basically, a girl who came from my brothers school kept asking when my birthday was so i told her and she gave me a confused look and said "but his is in November." I guess she didnt realise i was 16 ??
And i was not in the mood to explain it (i was in the middle of homework, and she found me in the library) so i said "Yeah, my mom was in labour for months." and that was that. She fucking BELIEVED me. (why would you even??)
her mom ended up calling my mom because the whole school is making fun of her for believing my mother was in labour for months and her mom started complaining to my mother, who got mad at me for not explaining the joke to her.
My brother thinks its fucking hilarious, though. He laughed about it for absolute ages and told our whole family and his whole school.
IN MY DEFENCE WHO THE FUCK WOULD BELIEVE THAT??? I AM SORRY
EDIT: The real reason i got into trouble was because of this: My mom said "You're giving me a headache, all of this because of some joke." and i said "A headaches better than the whole 16 months of labor right?" and now im grounded.
I found out how badly I fucked up two days ago.
My wife recently went out of town to visit some of her old stomping grounds and visit some old friends. When she got home things seemed normal. Hanging out, drinking beer and talking a little about her trip.
We've been having issues with our sex life, as in there hasn't been one for a couple of years, so it isn't something recent. I thought it might have been a low libido on her side because there wasn't much sex when we first got married, and other issues like age and too much drink. I haven't been happy about this situation but I still had a little hope for us. Hope that something might spark somewhere and kickstart some intimacy, because when the planets did align and we did make love it was beautiful.
I recently got a new pair of headphones. I play guitar and do some amateur recordings in apple's garageband on my mac. Recently I have been learning about mixing and mastering my recordings. One of the things I learned was to get a nice pair of headphones made for this purpose. I found out my new headset for mixing lets most of the outside noise passthrough, unlike my noise cancelling headphones that I usually use; I guess that's to keep the headphones from blowing out your ear drums from the broader range of frequencies.
My wife sometimes spends her evenings on the phone talking with friends and family. I usually don't pay much attention and I will put on my headphones to block most of the noise while I do random stuff on the internet or watch streaming videos and TV shows when she does this.
Two evenings ago she's talking on the phone. I can hear her with my new headphones on. She starts telling a story about this guy she's having sex with on her trip... brain goes, record scratch, WTF? I walk into the living room where she's starting to get into the details of this story and I say "I can hear you." She quickly makes an excuse to her friend why she has to get off the phone.
We both have had a couple of beers at this point, not drunk but a good buzzing going on. Accusations fly, words are exchanged, divorce is probably used the most by me. She blames her infidelity all on me because of a conversation we had a couple of years ago.
My wife moved to my town before we got married many years ago. It's not a very big town, but not tiny either, population of about 35,000 people. She's made a couple of friends, but not as many as she is used to having where she's from, and the few good friends she did make have moved away.
The fuck up is my misunderstanding of the intentions she had behind this conversation we had a couple of years ago. One night we're hanging out drinking beer and chatting. She says something like she would like to have more relationships besides me. I think, good, you should, and I want you to have more friends. So I say something like "yeah you should be doing that." Her intentions were to start having sexual relationships with other people, well, because the lack of our sex life.
I have been on reddit long enough to know how tricky open relationships can be. Both parties have to be on board with a definite set of boundaries and rules. Everything, and I mean everything has to be made clear from the start in these situations. I didn't think her intentions were to start having sex with other people when we had this conversation. I made it clear before we got married that open relationships are not something I'm into. It's something I definitely would not have agreed too if I knew that's what she meant.
Reading the story of the dead cat found behind the fridge reminded me of my own fuck up. Little bit of side info. I live on and run a farm in South Wales and we have our own spring fed water supply to the house and sheds. That's where the fuck up occurred. Daily I drive up to our mountain grazing to check on our sheep and cattle, to do this I go past our water storage tanks. Through the course of the week I started to notice a smell of a dead animal, initially I ignored it as I live in the countryside and it's not uncommon to find the occasional carcass. On the third day the smell was getting stronger so I had a nose around the water tanks and ground surrounding it,I found a dead crow on the ground so I moved it into some scrub and carried on with my day assuming I had found the source of the smell. Back home the wife and kids were noticing a bit of a bitter taste to our water. I did seem a bit off but it's very mineral rich and we were having unusually hot weather so the spring had slowed down, I attributed the bitter taste to the fact the ground water was more sedimented than usual. Days go by but the stench around my tanks began getting stronger to the point it was overwhelming. I thought fuck me that crow is rancid but it is hot so perhaps that's why it smells so bad. All the while our water was starting to become very bitter and not good to drink even after boiling it. On the 8th day the water in the house was smelling awful aswell. The same rancid smell that I thought the decomposed crow smelled of. So I go up to the water tanks just to make sure all is well. I lift off the heavy iron lids only to be hit across the face with the most unimaginable stench, it was hot wafts of rotting corpse. It knocked me back off my feet. I can't explain how bad this smell was,my eyes were streaming and I gagged so much I pulled a stomach muscle,I knew instantly this was more than a dead crow. Fly's were swarming around like it was the apocalypse ,I tried to hold my breath and shine a torch in the tank to see what was in there. Some how and I still to this day don't know how, as the covers were still in place,a sheep had managed to fall into the water tank and drown. It had been in there decomposing for well over a week all that was left was maggot covered bones and entrails floating around in our water supply, which myself and family had been happily drinking for the last week. The next day was spent suited up in the 30 degree heat spooning out the jellied remains of a dead sheep from my iron water tank covered in maggots and corpse sludge,gagging and sweating. It had to be bucketed out by hand. It was with out a doubt the worst thing I have ever smelled. The heat didn't help. It took days to clean up and disinfect and even longer for the wife to forgive me for letting her drink rotting sheep flesh flavoured water.
TL;DR Tifu by ignoring the fact a there was a rotting animal corpse in my drinking water supply.
2So, an hour ago, I was in a meeting to discuss a project and before we started, my supervisor wanted break the ice by asking us what our favorite summer memory was as a kid. Everyone is giving these really classic Americana answers like hanging out with friends till the street lights came on, going fishing, etc. Meanwhile my family barely did anything or went anywhere because we didn't have much money; most summer's I'd just stay home and watch whatever was on tv or play a video games except for this one summer where a classmate invited me to join him on a roadtrip to six flags so I told that story figuring it's better than telling a bunch of managers about when I beat Zelda 2 in an afternoon.
When it comes to my turn, I talk about going on a roadtrip to Disneyland, it's just maybe a 10 hr drive from where I grew up and how it would be my first time going there and how excited I was. I talk about how I got carsick and my friends dad didn't want to pull over, how it was 100+ degree heat and they didn't want to turn on the AC so I was boiling alive, all while telling myself "It's for Disneyland! DISNEYLAND!", passing the time by singing Disney songs in my head. After all the annoyances, what felt like a week to an eight year old, we finally get to Disneyland, go on the monorail, and I'm making a mental note of "I wanna go on that ride, and that ride, and that ride", just for the monorail to end, and my friends dad say that it's time to go to beat the traffic. Eight year old me is crushed, we just drove all this way, rode the monorail, and that's it!?".
As I'm telling this story, I just see one of my coworkers in the meeting look very confused, like he's trying to remember something while the rest of my coworkers have this look of pity and ask if I ever got a chance to go back and enjoy disneyland. Halfway into the meeting the one coworker just shouts out "DUDE! THAT'S FROM TINY TOONS!". He starts to explain Plucky Duck's plot of the Tiny Toons Summer Vacation movie where he goes to an amusement park with Hampton's family.
Apparently I had watched that movie so many times one summer when it first came out that, as time passed, I started to misremember it. For the at least the past decade, I had honestly thought I went on a roadtrip with a friends family that was that horrible but nope, just really loved Tiny Toons.
TL;DR: Watched a cartoon so many times one summer that I mistook it for a memory and told it to my coworkers.
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