Today I Fucked Up
r/tifu
TLDR: told my gf I fancied her because of her curves. Now she thinks I think she's fat and I'm validating her thoughts of her being fat and hates the idea of being around me because she thinks that's how I now see her.
We had been apart for some time and I said I missed her and was looking at old photos because I love and fancy her. She asked why I fancy her, so I pointed out how much I love getting lost in her eyes, her smile, things about her personality. Then I said I love your body and your curves. I know she's insecure about her body and wants to lose weight so she can be more comfortable in herself.
I know I messed up by saying 'curves' but I didn't think that was a bad thing because curves isn't synonymous with weight. I wanted to reassure her that I do love her and want her. I've always told her she's hot and gorgeous and we have a very active sex life.
What this has turned into is that she thinks that because I said curves, I fancy her because she's fat and I'm validating her thoughts about her being fat. Which is not the case, cause she isn't. I've tried to reassure her that I fancy her and would fancy her if she lost weight.
Now she doesn't even want me in front of her or me to be around her because she feels horrendous and thinks because I fancy her in her current body that I'm either lying or only fancy her because of how she is currently, which she doesn't want to be.
Tifu by almost ruining my best friend's wedding. My 7 yo was the ringer bearer, my 4 yo the flower girl, and i was the maid of honor. As usual we were scrambling to get ready. I had just gotten the kids dressed in their outfits and was in my bathroom putting on my makeup. After about 30 minutes, it was unusually quiet. Whatever. I figured they were just playing like normal. I had just barely finished when i hear a timid voice from inside my room. "Mommy?" my 7 yo says. " I think i did something." Thinking he just messed up his tux or something, i went into my room and then froze in disbelief when i saw him. He sat on the floor with a (real!) pair of handcuffs cuffing his wrist to his ankle. I was dumbfounded. So many questions ran through my mind, the first being, WHERE THE F*#% did he get a pair of real handcuffs from?!? I finally muster up the words to ask. He doesn't want to tell me but finally does w/his head lowered in shame.. "D's toolbox". Again, WTF?!?! My boyfriend, D, had just moved in with us, and still had stuff lying around randomly. Turns out he had an old pair of handcuffs from somewhere in an old toolbox he never used anymore but had kept in our closet. WTF?!?! I ask for the key. He can't find it. The clock is ticking. We have 3 hrs til the wedding and it's an hr drive. We fiddle with the lock and try to pick it. It's useless. I call around to different locksmiths and find one down the street that can help. I end up carrying my son to the car, then into the locksmith's because of course he can't walk upright. The locksmith's face when he saw us was priceless but i was humiliated. How the hell do i explain how this happened?! Thankfully, the locksmith didn't ask any questions. He politely helped us by unlocking the cuffs and my son was finally free. Meanwhile my best friend kept calling and asking where the hell we were, they were starting the pre-wedding photos! "No time to explain now", I tell her, "but we're on our way!" We had an hr and a half before the wedding. I drive like crazy to get there. We made it 15 minutes before the start of the wedding. My best friend was ready to kill me! We missed the photos but at least we made the ceremony!
TL;DR TIFU by almost ruining my best friend's wedding when my 7 yo old (the ring bearer) handcuffed his ankle to his wrist and we had to go to a locksmith to get him out because we didn't have the key. Yes, real handcuffs and no, they weren't used for anything kinky! Lol
5
3I think this needs to be clarified before going into how this came to be. No our relationship didn't change and its a funny moment. This TIFU really came to be because neither of us put that much importance to our ethnic background.
My boyfriend's last name is Ho. Ho is used in both Vietnamese and Chinese. This is the beginning of the mistaken assumption I made. Me and him are Asian-American so we lost a lot of the nuances where the minor differences between Vietnamese and Chinese would show. When we would go to Vietnamese restaurants he'd generally order in English. Sometimes he'd order in "Vietnamese" but just the number. My first fuck up was assuming that he was simply just copying off me and nailed the pronunciation; I'm Vietnamese. I've met his parents and been to his family house. His parents came when they were 10 and became super Americanized. No accent in their English, their house looks more like a Asian-American house, and they only speak English with each other. Pretty much I'm assuming they're Chinese. My fuck up came to light when I happen to be at their house when his Aunt visits. His Aunt is not Americanized like his parents and I quickly notice a Vietnamese-English accent. Then I was completely shocked when I saw my bf parents and bf fully conversing in Vietnamese with his Aunt. I pretty much screamed you guys are Vietnamese. My boyfriend and his parents proceeded to laugh because they thought I had always known.
TL;DR Dated my boyfriend for 2 years. Assumed he was Chinese but find out he's Vietnamese.
2
6So I was out shopping today with my family and we saw some matching Pride month gear. My kids wanted to get it so we all picked out some clothing. So here you need a bit of backstory: one of my kids has mentioned thinking she might be bisexual. If it turns out she is we will be, of course, fully supportive. So as we were waiting in line to pay, I had a great moment thinking about how if she is, buying our first Pride gear together might be a wonderful ‘first’ that we end up looking back fondly on later in life. Okay then fast forward to later on this evening. I was walking down the hallway upstairs after a relaxing hot bath. I saw that the linen closet door was ajar so I pushed on the door, pushing it closed. The result of this was that I ended up pushing the very same daughter , who was inside the closet looking for something, right into the closet. TLDR: had a potentially formative family Pride related moment today with my kid. Followed it up by accidentally pushing her in the closet.
So I am mostly just grateful this only happened in front of a few people and not the bride and groom’s extremely Catholic families.
I was in a wedding this weekend, and a little bit into dancing, a couple of the other bridesmaids and I stepped out to change into sneakers. “Uptown Funk” came on and we were still singing and dancing along as we left. So I just carried on “this one’s for them hood girls, them good girls, straight masturbating.” And one of the other bridesmaids stops dead in her tracks. She’s like “what did you just say?” And I was like “straight masturbating! I still can’t believe he got away with keeping that lyric in such a popular song.” And the other bridesmaid says “I think the lyrics are ‘straight masterpieces’.” I look it up, and lo and behold, that’s what google says. I think surely that’s just the radio edit, and there’s an original explicit version that says “straight masturbating.” Nope. Turns out I’ve been confidently singing about masturbating incorrectly since 2014 (also I had to look up when that song came out and I’m horrified it was that long ago.)
TL;DR: been singing “straight masturbating” instead of “straight masterpieces” for 8 years and did so at a very Catholic wedding.
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Fuckup of the Week Winners
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May 2019 | /u/Taway1234123491121 | TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it...