You already know that there are myriad ways one can express their sexuality and gender identity. That applies to the level of sexual attraction you feel towards others, too — and asexuality, as this spectrum of sexuality is broadly known, proves that when it comes to sex, things aren't always simple.
Being asexual means that you generally do not experiencing sexual attraction to others or want to act on sexual desires or fantasies, according to the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN). Importantly, this isn’t the same as celibacy, which is the decision to abstain from sex.
“Asexuality refers to someone who experiences very little or no sexual attraction to people of any gender,” Chris Grant, a British Association for Counseling and Psychotherapy integrative counselor and psychotherapist told them. “It specifically refers to sexual attraction. This is because someone who is asexual may very well experience aesthetic or romantic attraction, but not sexual attraction.”
Like many other sexual labels within the LGBTQ+ community, asexuality is an umbrella term that describes a diverse “ace” spectrum of identities. They each may have differing levels of sexual attraction, like demisexuals, who typically need an emotional connection before feeling sexual desire, or graysexuals, who experience diminished amounts of sexual attraction rather than none at all.
As with any sexual identity, there is no single way to be asexual or experience asexuality. Read on to learn more about how asexual people experience love, sex, and relationships across the ace spectrum, according to sex educators and members of the community themselves.
What is asexuality?
Asexuality is a broad label that encompasses a number of sexual identities. While being asexual means you might not be sexually attracted to others, that doesn’t mean that people on the ace spectrum don’t have romantic relationships. Like any sexual label, it isn’t black and white.
“To be asexual is to not experience sexual attraction or a desire for sex, or to experience a desire for sex to a lesser degree than other people,” Tara Lombardo, director of the Institute of Human Identity, told them. “But I've had ace clients who have crushes, who want relationships, desire closeness, or have a platonic friendship that has all of the themes of a romantic relationship but without sex. In fact, the pressure to connect in that way can influence your relationships.”