i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

breakdown cancelled, guy in [shop redacted] gave me a discount on my plants ‘just cause’ and then didn’t scan half my other shit either. i was like ‘oh you missed–’ and he goes ‘discount innit’. i think maybe he just hated his job but also possibly humans are good and long story short i’m not mentally ill any more.

women don't want me, fish don't fear me. I pass through life like a smooth stone, making no impression on the thin parchment that is fate.

Today I found out my dead grandpa was a massive shoplifter and every ice cream sandwich, Little Debbie roll and candy he gave me was more than likely stolen. He always had little gifts for me. Gifts he had stolen. Apparently Walmart was his favorite spot to steal from. I thought I couldn’t love and respect my grandfather any more than I already did but I do now. Poppy, you were a real one.