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Jokes: Get Your Funny On!

r/Jokes

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Discord Admin and completely unfair
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Posted by10 hours ago
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The second oneโ€™s a repost.

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Posted by10 hours ago
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She said "It's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!" .

Thinking back, I really should have run but you don't get offers like that every day.

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Posted by12 hours ago

A few moments later, two more men wander in and sit next to him. They get to chatting and he discovers they are doctors.

After a few moments, one of the doctors comments that he needs a drink.

"It's ok, I'll get it for you," says the lawyer, and gets up. The doctors notice he has taken his shoes off. One of them gives the other a sneaky look, reaches into his briefcase, and pulls out a thumbtack that he quickly sticks in the lawyer's shoe.

The lawyer returns with a highball and gives it to the doctor. The two doctors wait to see if he'll put his shoes back on. After a few more minutes the second doctor starts to get up and says he too wants a drink.

"No problem, allow me," says the lawyer, and again walks to the back of the plane. The second doctor pulls out a thumbtack and sticks it into the other shoe. Again, the lawyer returns, hands over the drink, then sits down.

Eventually the pilot comes over the PA saying they are preparing to land. The doctors, giddy with anticipation, watch as the lawyer closes his laptop, pushes up his tray, and starts to pack up his stuff. Finally, he slips his feet into his shoes and immediately feels the sharp pain from the thumbtacks. He looks at the doctors disappointedly.

"How long must this go on, this pettiness between our professions? How long must we fight and try to humiliate one another? Why can't we just get along instead of putting thumbtacks in each other's shoes, or pissing in each other's drinks?"

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Posted by6 hours ago

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, and both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in.

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity".

The Angel thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, and drinks it down. Then, pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, "ok, your Majesty, you may go in".

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The funniest sub on reddit. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts!
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Created Jan 25, 2008

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r/Jokes Rules

1.
Rule 1 - Keep the comment section civil and light hearted.
2.
Rule 2 - It's a repost.
3.
Rule 3 - It's actually Spam.
4.
Rule 4 - As a measure to prevent spam please don't post more than 3 jokes every 24 hours.
5.
Rule 5 - No emojis, links or title only jokes.
6.
Rule 6 - Jokes must be in English, no limericks, riddles or lists of jokes.
7.
Rule 7 - Mark NSFW and NSFL comments.
8.
Rule 8 - No self-promotion.
9.
Rule 9 - Reddit prohibits any sexual or suggestive content involving minors.
10.
Rule 10 - Overly offensive content
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