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Jokes: Get Your Funny On!
r/Jokes
He looks around, and takes a seat neat to a very attractive women.
He gives her a quick glance, then causally looks at his watch for a moment.
The women notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"
"No", he replies, "Q has just given me this state-of-the-art watch. I was just testing it."
The intrigued women says "A state-of-the-art watch? Whats so special about it?"
Bond explains "It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically".
The lady says "Whats it telling you now?"
"Well, it says you are not wearing any panties."
The women giggles and replies, "Well , it must be broken because I am wearing panties"
Bond smirks, taps his watch and says,
He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, โMy car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?โ
The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, โWe can't tell you. You're not a monk.โ
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and his about his merry way. Some years later, the same man in the same car breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, โWe can't tell you. You're not a monk.โ
The man says, โAll right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?โ
The monks reply, โYou must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk.โ
The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, โI have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.โ
The monks reply, โCongratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.โ
The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, โThe sound is right behind that door.โ The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, โReal funny. May I have the key?โThe monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
My local drug dealer started dressing up as a Jehovahโs Witness so he wouldnโt arouse suspicion.
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
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