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Today I Fucked Up
r/tifu
I am 19m and have been hanging out with this girl 18 for a while now almost a year. I had feelings for her when I was in middle school but never got around to saying anything because I had a friend who liked her. They eventually got together in 7th or 8th grade. They promptly broke up due to him making a big mistake with her. Since then I have been slowly trying to get her to trust me since she doesn't because I used to be friends with the other guy. Forward about 3-4 years and we get to start talking. I'm not looking for something quick with her I wanted a genuine relationship that developed overtime. And for the past 6 months we've been hanging out almost everyday. She knew I had feelings and quickly shut me down saying she didn't want a relationship at the time which I was fine with and understood. And last night she went up to a friend's house and I couldn't go due to work. While I was at work however my coworkers wondered about the situation between me and her, to which I told them we're just friends. They constantly made the joke I should get bitches on my dck. They asked if ever did anything with her to which I said no, they asked if I had feelings which I do so I said yes. Then they decided to constantly tell me that I needed something in return from her since I hangout with her and buy her things all the time, which I simply responded with no. I'm happy with where I am with her or was that is. I told her this information last night/ early this morning which she said was problematic, which I don't see how it is since I enjoy hanging out with her rather than getting my dck wet 24/7.
Cut to about 4 p.m. today and I got a letter for a wedding invitation to a family members wedding. I decided to ask her if she'd like to accompany me which she said no. Which I honestly expected she doesn't usually like big events like that. So I continue on with my day and an hour later I get a message from her, stating that I pissed her off by telling her about what my coworkers thought. Which I couldn't understand why but couldn't say anything because I didn't know how to respond to it. She then said she wanted a break from me and told me she wasn't going to prom with me.
TL;DR- Been hanging out with a friend I had feelings for but kept them to myself, coworkers said I needed things in return from her since I hangout with her and buy her things. Said no to coworkers, and told her the situation. She then said she wanted a break and is now not going to prom with me.
I spent the better part of yesterday downloading and messing with a mod pack for Skyrim. This was a multi step process that wasn't particularly complicated, but extremely time consuming. I finally get it working properly, and it's amazing. Totally breathed new life into a 10+ year old game.
My wife, who has never played Skyrim, didn't really understand why I was so excited. She's not really in to PC gaming. She was playfully teasing me about the whole project. I figured that she'd appreciate it more if I showed her how to play.
So here I am at 11:00 on a Saturday night scrolling on reddit while she's on my computer playing Skyrim. She's logged about ten hours on her character since yesterday. On the one hand I think it's awesome that she's so excited about the game. I'm honestly getting kinda nostalgic, I remember how much fun my first play through was. On the other hand, I'd like to spend some of this weekend with her. And I'd like my PC back, but I highly doubt that's going to happen any time soon.
Tl;dr: wife is addicted to Skyrim. It's my fault.
TIFU by trying to prank my fiancée
Of course, this did not happen today, but yesterday - April Fool’s Day. And like most posts, sorry for the formatting, I’m on my phone.
I was wasting time on Reddit when I found an AskReddit all about April Fool’s Day pranks. Not wanting to ruin my relationship, I picked one of the more innocuous pranks wherein you put dry pasta under the toilet seat.
Easy set up, little cleanup, and dumb. It was perfect. I was home alone that day so I grabbed some farfalle pasta from the pantry (I wanted a good crunch) and got to work. I knew chances of my prank happening anytime soon were slim, as our master bathroom is slightly out of the way and my fiancée typically uses the guest bath. That’s okay though, I’m a patient person.
As soon as she got home from work, our son wanted to go play soccer outside. So we all go out and play for awhile before coming back inside and having dinner. After drinking a bunch of water outside, coupled with a glass of wine with dinner, nature called, so naturally I go into our bedroom - having completely forgotten what I did to the toilet.
I jumped.
The crunch! The feeling. The noise. The panic. Can confirm - this prank is a good one. I got myself. I chuckled and went out into the living room to tell her what had just happened, but was greeted by an empty room.
By some kind of twisted luck, she had gone into a different part of the house while I had seemingly shattered the toilet with my ass, saving me from embarrassment; the temptation to go back into the kitchen and grab the farfalle was too great.
I practically leapt across the living room and into the kitchen, grabbed the pasta box, and made my way stealthily back to the toilet.
I quickly cleaned up the remnants of the last farfalle explosion from the floor, carelessly sweeping some stubborn pieces under the rug.
So a bit of backstory my best pal got engaged to his other half quite recently and well they decided to throw a Mamma Mia engagement party, I decided why the hell not I’ll dress like Dominic Cooper and wear the full white outfit. This is where this whole situation goes horrendously south, I’m not a big drinker so I decided I’d drink fruit juice and mock tails all morning through to the afternoon until my mini speech, I had these vicious and quite frankly extremely painful belly cramps, me being idiotic I didn’t realise your body cannot process fruit juice particularly well through your bladder and it typically goes out the other hole, it gets worse from here out, as I was walking away from my extremely embarrassing and cramp ridden speech I decided to let a little fart seep out to relieve a little tension, not only did I let out a little puff of air I also managed to push out only what I could call poop water and stain my already ridiculous Dominic Cooper trousers, in-front of a tonne of friends and the family of my good friend. It was a day from hell. TL;DR - I wore Dominic Cooper white pants, drunk too much fruit juice and pooped water out my ass infront of 50 plus guests.
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Fuckup of the Week Winners
June 2019 | /u/Lemiius | TIFU by performing the "Major Tom" technique and now I think I'm going to be disowned
April 2019 | /u/Donthitsubmit3 | TIFU by submitting hardcore furry erotica instead of my final paper.
May 2019 | /u/Taway1234123491121 | TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it...