Found the internet!
Jokes: Get Your Funny On!
r/Jokes
2
4
2He is very excited, as all his life he has longed to meet the Prophet Mohammed.?
Having arrived at the Gates of Heaven, he meets a man with a beard.?
"Are you Mohammed?" he asks.?
"No, my son. I am Peter. Mohammed is higher up." And he points to a ladder that rises into the clouds.?
Delighted that Mohammed should be higher than Peter, he climbs the ladder in great strides, climbs through the clouds, coming to a room where he meets another bearded man.?
He asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"?
"No, I am Moses. Mohammed is higher still."?
Exhausted, but with a heart full of joy he continues to climb the ladder and, yet again, he discovers an even larger room where he meets another man with a beard.?
Full of hope, he asks again, "Are you Mohammed?"?
"No, I am Jesus... You will find Mohammed higher up."?
Mohammed higher than Jesus!
The poor man can hardly contain his delight and climbs and climbs, ever higher.?
Once again he reaches a larger room where he meets a man with a beard and repeats his question:?
"Are you Mohammed?" he gasps as he is, by now, totally out of breath from all his climbing.
"No my son.....I am God. But you look exhausted. Would you like a coffee?"?
"Yes, please!"?said the man.
God looks behind him, claps his hands and calls out:
"Hey Mohammed, two coffees!"
3
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement. He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
734Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"
She points up and says: "3 pulls"
Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.
Professor X: "Yeah that's cool and all, but not really a super power..."
Girl: "Yeah I was just kidding, I can heal paraplegics"
Professor X, still standing: "Oh my god"
About Community
Members
Online
Related Communities
496,634 members
5,337,615 members
129,875 members
138,369 members
147,764 members
50,852 members
692,014 members
210,441 members
r/Jokes Rules
