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Today I Fucked Up
r/tifu
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3Many moons ago, I live in a lovely apartment complex. Our upstairs neighbour was always quiet unless there was a football match on, never had his tv on loud, no loud music...
This, we discovered, was because he was quite deaf.
Then he moved.
In his place was now a younger couple, and while there was some noise, it was sometimes a bit much, but they'd immediately turn it down. They were unused to living on top of other people, but were considerate.
I must confess I did contemplate murder when the husband practiced a childrens son on his ukulele for EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT! And got the same chord wrong each and every time.
Anywho, they tended towards some rather... Vocal lovemaking. Especially her.
This of course, resulted in pregancy, and while likely somewhat encumbered by a steadily growing belly, their lovemaking did not slow.
One morning, after what had sounded like a particularly pleasurable session, I met her on the stairs and remarked that it sounded like they'd had fun.
And then I saw her suddenly shrunken belly and the very new baby in her arms.
Obligatory not today.
I'm in a building with thin walls. Very thin walls. Thankfully everyone here is completely silent almost all of the time, which made this night much worse. I (M20s) invited a girl over (I'll call D) and her friend (J). The plan was to let them try out my VR setup.... With a horror game.
That was the biggest mistake ever. Unbeknownst to me, D is a screamer. A very loud screamer. So first I have a go on the headset, show them how it works and then I immediately hand it off to D. She starts playing and first things are fine, but her stress levels are rising. With every passing second she gets more and more tense. On the first jump scare she screams and I jump because I wasn't expecting it. Thankfully it was short, maybe my neighbours wouldn't notice?
30 seconds later, she screams again. This one both louder and longer. All I can think is "Oh God, people are going to think I'm murdering a girl in my room."
Then the worst possible thing happens. She's had enough but can't take the headset off, so she yells "Please I don't want to do this, I WANT TO STOP" then lets out a scream like a banshee. So now I don't sound like I'm killing a girl, I now sound like I'm raping one! Christ this can't get any worse!
She takes off the headset and there's a banging at my door. I'm pretty much terrified at this point, I know how it sounds. D opens the door and I literally hide behind it in shame. On the other side is not one, not two, but three girls from my hall (who all know me). I'm still grateful J was there and D was still holding the headset when she opened the door, because my neighbours were quickly satisfied that I wasn't committing a crime. Took a while before I could look them in the eye again though.
TL;DR:
Let a girl try out my VR headset, she made it sound like I was raping her and got the attention of 3 neighbouring girls. Thankfully there was someone else in the room so they were satisfied I wasn't a monster.
2This happened about 30-40 min ago. I (30M) drive a 2006 Toyota Camry. Every so often, my car will lock itself if the engine is running. I have 2 kids. (5mo.M) (3F). I take them to daycare in the morning and my wife picks them up in the afternoon because I work far. Last night the garage door started acting up and was still acting up this morning. It wouldn’t close unless I held the button. So this morning I put both kids in the car and put the car in reverse. As we’re backing up I press my garage fob in my car and it starts acting up again. It’s usually pretty chilly in the morning so I had all the windows up. In my rush to get them going I hop out and try to go hold the button for the garage door when I hear that god awful click of the doors on the Camry locking. By far the scariest 10 minutes I’ve experienced this year ensues. Thankfully I have tow truck driver experience…but no lock out kit. So I pry the door with a screw driver (injured my thumb) and was able to pass a wooden rod that I found in my garage to my 3 year old daughter. I’m not saying this to boast but I could not believe a 3 year old was able to follow my instructions to a T and unlock the door from the inside. Man I haven’t cried so hard in such a long time. My baby girl did so well and I’m tearing up again thinking about it. She never freaked out, she stayed calm and kept her brother calm and I couldn’t be more proud of her right now. I know some morons who can’t pull a pizza out of the oven without fucking up and to see her use such focus and motor skills is astonishing to me. I was panicking hard because I didn’t wanna call 911 and have to explain this but she clutched it. Im gonna cry happy tears now.
TL;DR: accidentally locked my kids in the car and my 3 year old rescued herself and her brother.
EDIT: I forgot to mention my daughter did this while being fully strapped into her car seat. I think that’s why I’m so impressed with her. She could’ve easily opened the door if she was free but that’s why I gave her that wooden rod.
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May 2019 | /u/Taway1234123491121 | TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it...