Wonkette Weekend Live Chat Follows The Road Not Taken

We’re winding down the first week of March and heading into the second month of the Ukraine-Russia war’s first year. If only I could make Vladimir Putin disappear with a snap of my fingers.

Come join Robyn and me at 12 pm pacific time and 3 pm eastern slacker time. We’ll discuss increased funding for police violence, the GOP’s pro-child abuse bills, and most likely something musical theatre related. You know how we get.

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THAT'S RIGHT YOU TAKE THOSE F*CKIN YACHTS

Russian officials have started officially blowing love messages up white American conservative asses about how their country is being "canceled," so look for that to start showing up more in wingnut media. (It's already started, of course.)



"Russia is canceled like ehhhhhhhh how you say ... Potato Head genital!" That is probably a quote from some Kremlin asshole, or maybe we made it up just now. Who can possibly say?

And they're not completely wrong! Every decent country in the world is canceling the fucking bejesus out of Russia right now, and it's a consequence of Russia launching a completely unprovoked war on Ukraine based on nothing besides Vladimir Putin's brain-addled hallucinations about relitigating the end of the Cold War and Making Russia Great Again.

The sanctions regime so far has been tremendous, but a lot of the world's best people (ourselves and our extended social circle, for instance) have been saying things like "Hey when are they going to take the fuckin' yachts" and "Oh I know, maybe they should seize some of the fuckin' yachts" and "Nice fuckin' yacht, Vasily, shame if some little kid grabbed it and ran away with it under their armpit." (That's what you say to an oligarch who wishes he had a bigger yacht, you imply it's small enough to fit under a small child's armpit.)

You'll be glad to know at least one yacht has been seized, thankyewverymuch France:

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Trump Lawyer Asked Pence Aide For 'One More Minor Violation' Of NO COUPS Law

Last night, lawyers for the House January 6 Select Committee dropped what is functionally a criminal referral of Donald Trump and his former lawyer John Eastman. In a filing nominally addressed to a federal judge but also pretty clearly aimed at Attorney General Merrick Garland, the committee claimed to have "a good-faith basis for concluding" that Trump and his cronies had criminally obstructed official proceedings, engaged in a "criminal conspiracy to defraud the United States," and may have committed common law fraud by continuing to flog their lies about a stolen election knowing that they were untrue.

So why did the committee hand its homework in to a federal court in California as opposed to the DOJ?

Well, it's complicated.

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Who Bought Wonkette 10 Years Ago Today? JUST ME!

Friends, Wonkers, countrymen, HUSH YOUR DANG FOOL MOUTHS and LISTEN:

What were you doing 10 years ago? I was turning hot-lady 39 and ending an almost four-year stint of unemployment by SURPRISE I BOUGHT WONKETTE, for $37 and a sandwich. Also, we killed Andrew Breitbart. Wait no, that was my friend Faraone.

So has anything happened in 10 years? What will happen 10 years from now? Do I look like a fuckin psychic? Do I look like I fuckin KNOW? AM I SOME KIND OF CLOWN, AM I FUNNY TO YOU?

Let's hop in Obama's Time Machine and explore, together!

2012:

Obama was president. Recession still suuuuucked. I didn't have a jerb because "journalism." I bought Wonkette for no money down, and have a balloon payment to Ken Layne due today, but joke's on him, I paid him off seven or eight years ago, I forget. Bristol Palin was mommyblogging. I started writing eight to 12 posts a day (yes: me!) on West Coast time, so like SER does now with the starting work at 5 a.m. but I don't think he starts drinking by noon and cries when he's still working at 8 p.m. That man's Ford-tough.

There was an election. Mitt Romney lost because he couldn't stop insulting people to their faces, it was an absolute compulsion. Like, a lady brought him a cake and he was like WHO MADE THE DISGUSTING CAKE, not even kidding.

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National Politics

Why True Art Is A Blank Canvas. Tabs, Tues., March 8, 2022

Come and get your Tabs!

Putin’s invasion of Ukraine will only make global hunger worse. (Vox)

An estimated 4 million people could flee Ukraine as the war continues. It’s not clear yet that Britain has a fair, transparent policy in place yet for refugees. (The Guardian)

Russian oligarchs probably can’t endure an extended yacht-free existence. (The Atlantic)

Amber Ruffin remains awesome. (Twitter)

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Russia

Totally Trustworthy Russia Detains WNBA Star Brittney Griner On Totally Legit Drug Charges

This doesn’t look good.

Russia announced Saturday that it had detained “an American basketball player” on drug charges. The player was identified by the Russian news agency Tass as Phoenix Mercury center Brittney Griner. That’s not the kind of news you want to hear right now. Russian Federal Customs Service officials say they found vape cartridges that contained hashish oil in Griner's luggage at the Sheremetyevo airport near Moscow. This all went down sometime last month.

The New York Times reports:

In a statement, Griner’s agent, Lindsay Kagawa Colas, did not dispute reports of her client’s detention. “We are aware of the situation with Brittney Griner in Russia and are in close contact with her, her legal representation in Russia, her family, her teams and the W.N.B.A. and N.B.A.,” she said.

Griner, a two-time Olympic gold medalist, plays for the Russian team UMMC Ekaterinburg during her off-seasons from the WNBA. She’s also Black and openly lesbian, and those aren’t great things to be in Russia during the best of times. After Vladimir Putin's unprovoked invasion of Ukraine, the US has led dozens of other nations in imposing severe sanctions that have put Russia’s economy in free fall. It's not hard to see how Russia might want to use somebody high-profile like Griner as leverage.

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Ukraine

Nikki Haley Talkin' Sh*t About Makin' Deals With The Devil. Yes, Really.

It’s your Sunday shows rundown.

Conservatives are in chaos. Again. Why? Because the past six years have done more to erode every fairytale they've told since the Reagan years, and none moreso than what they once considered their greatest crown jewel: foreign policy.

So let's take a look at Nikki Haley on "Meet The Press," you'll see what we mean.

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