Hotel Splendide (2000)
Actors:
John Boswell (actor),
Daniel Craig (actor),
David da Silva (actor),
Geoff Evans (actor),
Norman Feakins (actor),
Salo Gardner (actor),
Bruce Graham (actor),
Len Hibberd (actor),
Dan Hildebrand (actor),
Toby Jones (actor),
Stanley Kaye (actor),
Hugh O'Conor (actor),
Joerg Stadler (actor),
Stephen Tompkinson (actor),
Patrick Bloomfield (actor),
Plot: The Hotel Splendide is on a remote and cold island, accessible only by a once-a-month ferry. It's a dark and dreary spa created by the late Dame Blanche, whose grown children now run the hotel according to her specificiations, serving up ghastly seaweed and fish-based food and enema treatments. Kath, once the sous chef, arrives when she receives an anonymous letter telling her of the matriarch's death. Will she bring light into the place with her wonderful cooking?
Keywords: black-comedy, boat, boiler-room, breaking-a-window, brother-brother-relationship, cake, chef, cook, cooking, crab
Genres:
Comedy,
Taglines: ...The Last Resort
Quotes:
Dezmond Blanche: I'm going to kill your fucking cake!
Stanley Smith: Desmond's brother, Ronald, is a cook and has created a distinct cuisine based on seaweed and eels.
Morton Blanche: Lovely stew! Chicken, was it?::Ronald Blanche: Yes. Long, black slippery sea chickens.
Waiter: [to kitchen boy] Get your thumb out of your arse and wash those dishes up.::Ronald Blanche: Oh, but please, wash your thumb first.
Kath: [to Ronald] You wouldn't know a cuisine if it came up and bit you on the arse!
[first lines]::Stanley Smith: [narration] The Hotel Splendide is a unique and marvelous place. It's an ideal spot to rest or convalesce, with full hydro-spa facilities, no shortage of fresh fish, and a friendly family atmosphere, which hasn't change since Mrs. Blanche died last year.
Stanley Smith: There's a time and a place for everything, Dezmond. That's the beauty of routine.
Stanley Smith: Odor sharper than a serpent's tooth. A simple omelet can be a dangerous thing in the right hands.
voice of Mrs Blanche: [on record player] Blanching and poaching is also acceptable. But ingredients may never be fried or sauteed. Better to submit to intestinal surgery than to allow one french fried potato to find its way into the colon.
Stanley Smith: The great thing about the Chinese language is that the word for crisis also means opportunity. What I want to know is, if being gassed to death by your own waste counts as opportunity.