Blessings Over Hanukkah Candles (2010)

Actors: Arielle Sag (actor), Richard Sag (actor), Arielle Sag (producer), Arielle Sag (producer), Arielle Sag (director), Arielle Sag (editor),

Genres: Documentary, Family, Music, Musical, Short,

Year One (2009)

Actors: Hank Azaria (actor), Joe Basile (actor), Dale Beasley (actor), Paul Benshoof (actor), Xander Berkeley (actor), Matt Besser (actor), Jack Black (actor), Daulton Brewer (actor), McIntyre Bridges (actor), Dane Brown (actor), Michael Byrnes (actor), Michael Cera (actor), Joseph Cintron (actor), Lucas CorVatta (actor), Michael C. 'Mike' Allen (actor),

Plot: Zed, a prehistoric would-be hunter, eats from a tree of forbidden fruit and is banished from his tribe, accompanied by Oh, a shy gatherer. On their travels, they meet Cain and Abel on a fateful day, stop Abraham from killing Isaac, become slaves, and reach the city of Sodom where their tribe is now enslaved. Zed and Oh are determined to rescue the women they love, Maya and Eema. Standing in their way is Sodom's high priest and the omnipresent Cain. Zed tries to form an alliance with Princess Innana, which may backfire. Can an inept hunter and a smart but slender and diffident gatherer become heroes and make a difference?

Keywords: abraham, accidental-death, aggression, anachronism, animal-attack, anti-hero, applause, arrow, attempted-filicide, attempted-sacrifice
Genres: Adventure, Comedy,
Taglines: Meet your ancestors This June Evolution Begins

Quotes:

Oh: If we never ever see you again, it's not because we are avoiding you!

Cain: [to his father Adam, while trying to flee on a slow-moving cart] Eat my dust, father!

[from trailer]::Zed: You could be my right-hand man.::Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

[from trailer]::[a hunter knocks a bowl of berries out of Oh's hand]::Oh: Well, there won't be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose.

[from trailer]::[Zed has eaten an apple from the 'Tree of Knowledge']::Zed: I might know everything. Ask me something!::Oh: Where does the sun go at night?::Zed: Pass. Next question.::Oh: Where do babies come from?::Zed: Pass. Next question.::Oh: [noticing a snake] There's a snake on my foot.::Zed: In the form of a question!::Oh: [scared] There's a snake on my foot?::Zed: Correct!

[from trailer]::Zed: [pointing to wheels] What are these big, round things for?::Cain: They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.::[Zed and Oh are riding on the cart, with their arms in the air]::Oh: I feel like a bird!

Zed: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.::Zed: Ha! Not *your* choice!

Oh: [Oh and Eema come back out after having sex] She's not a virgin anymore!::Eema: He's not a virgin either.::Oh: I saved a life with my love making!

Princess Inanna: Come! Come quick!::Zed: That won't be a problem.::Zed: What are we doing here?::Princess Inanna: I want you to enter the Holiest of Holies.::Zed: Oh, that's quite a coincidence, because I want you to sit on the Poliest of Polies.

Year One (2009)

Actors: Hank Azaria (actor), Joe Basile (actor), Dale Beasley (actor), Paul Benshoof (actor), Xander Berkeley (actor), Matt Besser (actor), Jack Black (actor), Daulton Brewer (actor), McIntyre Bridges (actor), Dane Brown (actor), Michael Byrnes (actor), Michael Cera (actor), Joseph Cintron (actor), Lucas CorVatta (actor), Michael C. 'Mike' Allen (actor),

Plot: Zed, a prehistoric would-be hunter, eats from a tree of forbidden fruit and is banished from his tribe, accompanied by Oh, a shy gatherer. On their travels, they meet Cain and Abel on a fateful day, stop Abraham from killing Isaac, become slaves, and reach the city of Sodom where their tribe is now enslaved. Zed and Oh are determined to rescue the women they love, Maya and Eema. Standing in their way is Sodom's high priest and the omnipresent Cain. Zed tries to form an alliance with Princess Innana, which may backfire. Can an inept hunter and a smart but slender and diffident gatherer become heroes and make a difference?

Keywords: abraham, accidental-death, aggression, anachronism, animal-attack, anti-hero, applause, arrow, attempted-filicide, attempted-sacrifice
Genres: Adventure, Comedy,
Taglines: Meet your ancestors This June Evolution Begins

Quotes:

Oh: If we never ever see you again, it's not because we are avoiding you!

Cain: [to his father Adam, while trying to flee on a slow-moving cart] Eat my dust, father!

[from trailer]::Zed: You could be my right-hand man.::Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

[from trailer]::[a hunter knocks a bowl of berries out of Oh's hand]::Oh: Well, there won't be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose.

[from trailer]::[Zed has eaten an apple from the 'Tree of Knowledge']::Zed: I might know everything. Ask me something!::Oh: Where does the sun go at night?::Zed: Pass. Next question.::Oh: Where do babies come from?::Zed: Pass. Next question.::Oh: [noticing a snake] There's a snake on my foot.::Zed: In the form of a question!::Oh: [scared] There's a snake on my foot?::Zed: Correct!

[from trailer]::Zed: [pointing to wheels] What are these big, round things for?::Cain: They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.::[Zed and Oh are riding on the cart, with their arms in the air]::Oh: I feel like a bird!

Zed: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.::Zed: Ha! Not *your* choice!

Oh: [Oh and Eema come back out after having sex] She's not a virgin anymore!::Eema: He's not a virgin either.::Oh: I saved a life with my love making!

Princess Inanna: Come! Come quick!::Zed: That won't be a problem.::Zed: What are we doing here?::Princess Inanna: I want you to enter the Holiest of Holies.::Zed: Oh, that's quite a coincidence, because I want you to sit on the Poliest of Polies.

King David (1985)

Actors: Shimon Avidan (actor), Jean-Marc Barr (actor), John Barrard (actor), Niall Buggy (actor), Jason Carter (actor), John Castle (actor), James Coombes (actor), David de Keyser (actor), Nicola Di Gioia (actor), Mark Drewry (actor), Simon Dutton (actor), George Eastman (actor), Peter Frye (actor), John Gabriel (actor), Anton Alexander (actor),

Genres: Adventure, Biography, Drama, War,

Quotes:

[first lines]::Saul's guard: The king cannot speak with you now. He is engaged in the affairs of state.::Samuel: Since when have the affairs of state taken precedence over the affairs of God? [shoves his way past and enters Saul's throne room]::Saul: ...Samuel. We welcome you. With God's blessing, our victory is complete.::Samuel: Is THIS how you show Him your gratitude... by robbing the Amalekites of their women and cattle? By holding their king in chains?::Saul: We were discussing a possible treaty. The king is to be ransomed...::Samuel: A *treaty?* *Ransom?* Saul, for this you have betrayed your own soul in the sight of God. His instructions were plain enough: "... Spare nothing from the sword." [beheads the Amalekite king]... When our tribes clamored for a king, to make us like other nations, I answered them: "We are not like other nations. The Lord of Hosts is both our God and our King." The people said, "We want a king we can see. We want a king of our own flesh and blood." [holds up the severed head] Here are your kings of flesh and blood. Here is a king you can see. [throws the head at Saul's feet]

Saul: [over the defeated Goliath] An entire army at my command. Yet it takes a shepherd boy to wipe out our disgrace.

Saul: [to David, when they first meet] Have you seen Him? Face to face? I saw Him... once. He smiled on me, too. But at daybreak He was gone.

Goliath's Captain: Slaves of a nameless God, once again I gring you the challenge of Goliath of Goth, champion of the Philistines. Where is your faith in your God? Where is your trust in His protection? You boast that He can move mountains, and yet He cannot move one man among you to defend His honor. Six times have we challenged you to put forward a champion, and six times have you cowered in silence. Send down a champion, and whoever wins the combat wins the day for his country and his God. Well, Israelites, what is your answer? [Nobody speaks out]... Then let all the world bear witness. There is no God in Israel!

Jonathan: ...Is Israel governed by a king, Father, or by the whims of a senile old prophet?::Saul: You cannot have the one without the other.::Jonathan: And who's to say that Samuel is not a false prophet?::Saul: If Samuel is a false prophet, I'm a false king. It was Samuel who annointed me, even as he has rejected me.::Jonathan: The people still look to you as their king, Father. They have not rejected you.::Saul: ...What was his name? The man who wrestled with me until daybreak.::Abner: What man, My Lord?::Jonathan: It was only a dream, Father.::Saul: Well, if it was a dream, send in my musician; let me dream on.

Samuel: God is not a man that He should deceive you... The Lord does not see as man sees. Men judge by outward appearances, but the Lord judges by the heart alone. [to David] You kneel before me as the shepherd of your father's flock, but God has chosen you... to be the shepherd of His people Israel, to unite His scattered tribes into one nation... and to send the heathen from His promised land.::Young David: My brothers are all soldiers. Why not choose one of them?::Samuel: It was not I who chose you. It was the Lord God of Israel.::Young David: I am the least in my father's house.::Samuel: You are a child after God's own heart.::Young David: If I stand so well in His sight, why not let Him command me face to face?::Jesse: Because no man may see God face to face and live. God speaks to man through the mouths of His prophets.::Samuel: So be it. When I have gone the way of all flesh, you shall be brought before the king by one of his sons. Then shall the Lord challenge you, even as you have challenged Him, to defend His name and His honor. Have no fear, David. The Lord shall not forsake you so long as you keep His laws and obey His prophets without question.

Jesse: Any man can teach, but David's are the gifts of God.

Saul: ...Hear how Jonathan warbles in praise of the cuckoo bird, David, who has fed from my table and now lies with my daughter... David has robbed me of my God, my people, even my children. What else can he take but my crown...? So long as David lives, neither I nor Jonathan nor the throne shall be safe... Samuel anointed him in my place! David! The boy I trusted and loved as my own son.::Jonathan: Then be glad of it! Give thanks that the future of Israel belongs to a man worthy of your love.::[Saul throws a javelin, just missing him]

David: Come with me to the sanctuary at Nob. We have a covenant of friendship between us.::Jonathan: I also have a covenant of honor between my father and myself. I would lay down my life for you willingly, but I cannot break faith with my father *or* with you. You have the love of One far greater than I [the Lord of Hosts] to care for you. My father has no one.

Saul: [at Nob, shortly after David has escaped] Abner, I want these priests killed, one by one, until their high priest "remembers" where David is, or is going. Then the killing will stop.::Abner: No soldier would carry out such an order. These priests...::Saul: THESE PRIESTS are maggots! In carrion! Fattening themselves on the offerings people give to the Lord! They are traitors, every one of them! And so is any soldier who refuses to obey the king's command. [He runs his javelin through one soldier who couldn't bring himself to slay the priests] Will no one obey the king? [Another soldier volunteers] It takes a gentile to obey. [the second soldier kills several priests, but still no one "remembers" David's whereabouts, so Saul kills the high priest with his javelin]