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Instead of a birthday clown, hire me to expose how bad children are at Judo. I will also do balloon animals!pic.twitter.com/AsoFYX55gG
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Diego Lopez Retweeted
making little kids fall>>>>>>https://twitter.com/thisdiegolopez/status/1092450092999757824 …
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I pride myself on how chill I can be when I bump into an ex in public who’s with a new person. “Oh hey what’s up! Yeah I’m good (envisioning our life together) Hey man, nice to meet you, I’m Diego (I could fucking kill you) Good seeing you too take it easy (unblock me already)
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As a holiday, Halloween is 100x hornier than Valentine’s Day. Nothing like candy corn and fog machines to set the mood.
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Leaving a portable dvd player showing all of Rodney Dangerfield’s Carson appearances at my front door for trick or treaters with a sign that says, “3 jokes per kid”
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For the love of god check out my podcast
@ALittleTimePod it’s all I haveShow this threadThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
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Seeing ig stories of friends hanging out at the one event I couldn’t go to: OH, I’M SORRY I DIDN’T REALIZE COVID WAS OVER!!!
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Diego Lopez Retweeted
I was getting on the train but i forgot my mask and this is all i had on mepic.twitter.com/DRQAvFklvB
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I’m crying and screaming now, she’s asking for a 2nd date
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Diego Lopez Retweeted
Walking up to every cop tonight and telling them their costume is terrible.
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Impressing a girl who owns cats on our date by eating so fast I throw up
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Diego Lopez Retweeted
I hate to do this but I wrote a spec script for That 90's Show and would love it if I could secure a 6-figure writing job with itpic.twitter.com/tUmM6vSwUj
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Diego Lopez Retweeted
I want to get stronger so less of life hurts but it hurts to get stronger but I don’t want life to hurt so much so I’ll get stronger but that is painful but life hurts all the time and I guess if I lift more and do more cardio I’ll be stronger so less of life hurts and
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Diego Lopez Retweeted
Florida achieved lower COVID rates in the same way Columbine achieved smaller class sizes.
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