Got Questions for Merrick Garland? Congress Does Too!

Are you interested in a congressional hearing that is like WHAT THE FUCK, ATTORNEY GENERAL MERRICK GARLAND? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK THEM UP ALL THESE TRUMP PEOPLE? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK UP DONALD TRUMP FOR TRYING TO STEAL THE ELECTION REPEATEDLY AND IN OUR FACES? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK UP STEVE BANNON? ARE YOU GOING TO LOCK UP TEXAS FOR THAT GODDAMN ABORTION LAW?

If so, you might enjoy today's hearing in the House Judiciary Committee! Adam Schiff ain't on that committee, but we know he's had some questions. Hopefully he's slipping notes to committee members right this very minute, to make sure all the good questions get asked.

As Axios explains:

The hearing comes as the Justice Department faces a series of contentious issues, including enforcement of the Jan. 6 committee's subpoenas, the crackdown on Texas' new abortion law, the overflowing of migrants at the border, voting rights and more.

Yeah, just a few things folks might want to ask him about. (Republicans will not be asking meaningful questions, or if they do, it will be a complete surprise.)

Watch all day, House committees are enormous:

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Shucks, Guess Joe Manchin Never Found Those 10 Republicans Who’d Support Voting Rights

The Democrats' latest attempt to defend democracy from Republicans failed in the Senate because of the fatal combination of math and the filibuster. Senate Democrats had reached a compromise with Joe Manchin on a supposedly bipartisan-friendly Stop Republicans From Cheating bill. This version was called the Freedom to Vote Act and would've made Election Day a public holiday, required same-day registration at all polling locations by 2024, and provided at least 15 days of early voting for federal elections.

Marc Elias, Democratic super lawyer, said it was a very good bill. Stacey Abrams even supported the voter ID requirement that Manchin added. It still died because Republicans aren't interested in helping pass a Stop Republicans From Cheating bill. This would appear obvious to everyone who's not Joe Manchin, whose brain is in the advanced stages of black lung disease.

A month ago, Manchin was asked what his master plan was for passing the Freedom to Vote Act, considering that he wouldn't support a filibuster carve-out even just for voting rights. He said he'd “get 10 Republicans." Why, he was already talking to "reasonable Republicans and friends of mine who understand we need guardrails."

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Let's Watch Jamie Raskin Dick-Kick Matt Gaetz, We've All Earned It

There was a hearing this morning in the House Rules Committee on the contempt referral for Steve Bannon passed by the House January 6 Committee last night. If we'd realized what a shitshow it would become, we would have put up a livestream. Oh well.

GOP seditionist Reps. Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan showed up at the hearing and rubbed themselves all over it, like pomeranians who need their anal glands expressed. In this post, we'll focus on Gaetz, because what most people are talking about is how constitutional law perfesser and Democratic Rep. Jamie Raskin just drop-kicked Matt Gaetz's very large face so far up into outer space that, well, quite frankly, you could still clearly see it, because his face is too large for his body.

Our point is that it was just real good.

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Trump Argues For Absolute Right Of Presidents To Loot And Pillage In Copyright Lawsuit

Trump's legal team is tryin' it. Again.

Today's WTF-ery comes to us from the copyright infringement suit filed by one Edmond Grant, AKA Eddy Grant, AKA the guy who did not fucking appreciate having his hit song "Electric Avenue" used without permission in one of Trump's ridiculous campaign videos. Trump tweeted out the video on August 12, 2020, and Twitter yanked the video for copyright infringement within a few hours. Then Twitter yanked Trump himself, and not a moment too soon, so we can't provide you with a link to the video in question. But we actually remember this one because the graphics were so embarrassingly crap — like Thomas the Tank Engine circa 1991, only worse.

Here's a still from one of Trump's briefs.

Get it? Get it? GET IT?

See Trump is a BIG CHOO CHOO TRAIN VROOM, and Biden is just a skinny dude manually pumping himself along the tracks.

Which isn't actually the dumbest thing you'll read in this post, believe it or not.

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WARBLOGGING

Charlie Kirk Geopolitics Corner: Will China Bomb Taiwan Because Of Vermont Drag Show?

THANKS DRAG QUEENS LOOK WHAT YOU DID.

Oh shitfuckdamn, the geopolitical crisis starts NOW, and we hate to say it, but it's the drag queens' fault. Which ones? All of them, obviously, but specifically some drag queens in Vermont at a football game. Pantshitting Christian Right weirdos are upset about it, that much is to be expected, but we didn't realize there was going to be maybe World War 3, but HERE WE ARE.

Charlie Kirk explains, in one of those white cisgender male rants that he imagines comes off far tougher than it does in reality, that the drag queens in Vermont are but one way "transgender garbage" is taking over America and will somehow lead to the Chinese invasion of Taiwan.

Don't say it doesn't make sense, it's not supposed to make sense, it's supposed to make white men in the exurbs poop their pants while they shoot guns in the air like pew pew pew!

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Congress

Let's Watch Angus King's Barn Burner Speech On Voting Rights!

'We are at a hinge of history.'

Yesterday, Senate Republicans blocked the bipartisan Stop Republicans From Cheating bill that Joe Manchin had worked so hard to craft in a way that would win approval from Republicans. This is because Joe Manchin is far more committed to the fiction of bipartisanship than to any objective reality. For all Manchin's absurd fantasies that Republicans might vote to prevent their own party from cheating, the bill itself is actually quite good, and it really ought to become law.

Tuesday, with that vote still pending, Sen. Angus King, the independent from Maine who caucuses with Democrats, delivered one hell of a speech on why we need the bill — and the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act — to protect democracy from some very real threats. It was passionate in all the right ways, invoking the long struggle to make democracy work, and pointing out just how easy it is for democracies to fail. If you have 24 minutes to feel inspired about saving American democracy, give it a watch, and if you don't read what we wrote about it below!

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News

That's Not Jen Psaki, That's Karine Jean-Pierre!

Live on WonkTV!

It's true, Jen Psaki has the day off or something, like that is even allowed, so today it's Principal Deputy Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre.

Watch it. Learn things.

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