Is it now unfashionable to believe in a “two snack solution”? Beaufort Street, which used to be a prime TWOP location back in the day. Outrage Cohen saw the tectonic shift of food fashion in Mt Lawley, and managed to get it in focus. Unlike The Queens decor, Some things have changed! Just near the new Orbit Inne and the Seinfeld. Can’t remember if I had a Falafelz? Am I part of the problem? Might give a Bagelo a go.
Tim Winton will deliver The Perth Festival Writers Week closing address Feb 2022.
Images from The Sunday Times.
Phwoar! He opened the Sunday Times. And Phwoar! Again! The magazine was chockers with quotes! And photos of him walking on the beach. So imaginative. “Line in The Sand” Brilliant! Imagination was leaking out of this piece like vinegar from a wilting chips cup.
Hold on though. “I was unconscious of the fact that I was having relations with the sea in the sense of being in a relationship with it…” He paused. Had he really said that? Sounded a bit like he was rooting the backswash. Hope there wasn’t a #seatoo movement. That sort of talk might get him cancelled.
He shifted on the jarrah dunny seat and reached for the builder’s pencil balanced on the top of the eco bog roll. Phwoar! Cancel culture. That’s what he’d do for the writer talk. He shuddered as he recalled dipping his toe into the topic of “toxic masculinity”. That had gone down like warm Passiona. No, cancel culture, cancel culture.. What he wouldn’t give to be interesting enough to be cancelled. Writing exclusively about fish, wave and and wind was barely enough to raise a stifled yawn these days – although that time he’d suggested Buffalo Bream were skittish rather than insolent was a… Hmmm… cancelled…what could he write? That’s the trouble being reclusive. All you had were stale memories. Stale like a jumbo packet of plain salt Samboys, left out in a bowl too long rather than kept sensibly in the foiled packet, the inside of which would inevitably be as slick and shimmery as a Dolphinfish after a lure.
He slapped his bare leg. Why couldn’t he get cancelled? Like JK Rowling, who couldn’t write a decent line if she had to save herself from a lurking Bull Shark? “We’ve all got both light and dark inside us…” What the fuck was that? Could the light not be brutal and enervating like 8am on a blistering February, when the Easterly had blown all night and the Doctor was nowhere to be seen? And couldn’t the dark be the black blue flank of a Cobbler, sinewy as the leather strap the old man used to threaten the kids with before he shot through? Dark as the weeds on a moonless night in Fay’s Bay, rugose and leathery? And yet she was the one who could get cancelled. Maybe he would need to open with a solid 45 minutes of the different types of waves at Port Beach, before slipping into teh cancel culture. Just to be safe.
Phwoar, but cancelled eh? Umm, maybe – Writers were being cancelled like the milk and paper when you were off on the holiday to Mandurah, and the old man would pack the esky with the cheapest gristle filled sausages and enough ice to survive the trip in the back of the station wagon, (the very same esky he had taken when he shot through again,) while the kids fartarsed and shyacked on the scorching bench seat, the territory shifting like the map of eastern Europe – Mum! Clacka’s in my space..!
Yeah, nah. His guts churned but failed to move. Christ hadn’t he learnt the lesson of the chillie sauce option on the chips enough times? Jeezus, he’d also double dipped with the aioli as well, hadn’t he? Urrk. Phwoar! Talk about writer’s block… This was going to be harder than he thought…
As Western Australia’s bankrupt “street art” scene staggers on, (I was in York the other day, hoping that the mural being painted in the main street wasn’t going to have a black cockatoo or be terrible. And of course it did. And it was.) So I thought it would be useful to post this here, so that anyone can send out the link to the next dimwit wanting to commission the same boringly painted bird on a wall near you. And I don’t blame the civic decorators so much (they are not artists in this context) – the scene itself does not allow anything good to be done. I don’t know, maybe the usual crew infesting our walls again and again with the same kangaroo paws, numbats and draught horses also groan when asked to recreate their same old stuff? Maybe they really do have that piece of biting social commentary in them, but have just never gotten the chance to do anything good? Or is it more likely that the safest and least imaginative decorators just get chosen because anyone good won’t even bother applying? Next time you smell a bad mural commission in the wind, send them these six questions to ask themselves.
So you’ve decided to commission a mural?
1). Is it because you can’t think of anything else? (AKA do you really have no imagination at all?)
If you’ve somehow become responsible for spending someone else’s money on public art, be that for a community, a local or state government body or NGO, are you commissioning a mural because you just can’t think of anything else? A mural is the single most boring and predictable solution to public art in Western Australia. If you don’t have an overwhelmingly good reason for inflicting one on your community, (and you won’t), think of a different option. Come on. How about literally anything else
2). Have you considered the location carefully?
Remember if you let someone paint some crap on a charming 1920s shop brick wall or heritage listed dam, it’s likely ruined forever. Consider whether the (inevitably tedious) mural you will approve is reversible. If you are going to commission an eyesore (and you will), make sure that your dumb mistake won’t be soaking into brick or concrete forever.
3).Are you really the best person to be judging artworks?
Do you know anything about public art? Or art at all? If you are a local councillor, it’s probably best to just stick to organising bins with different coloured lids. Be creative as you like with that. Maybe have an arts officer for arts and stick to their decision. If you are thinking that painting a Black Cockatoo on the side of the something in your community “would be a lovely idea!” or “cheerful”, you are absolutely the wrong person to be deciding on public art! Back away quickly.
4). Do you think you are doing Street Art?
If the piece you are commissioning is to be approved by a council or committee, then it is not street art. It’s not even art. It is called civic decoration, and has the same status as slightly fancy brick paving. Those doing it are civic decorators not artists in this context. It’s not really your fault. The concept of street art doesn’t even exist in Western Australia. If you want to see what street art is like, give artists the freedom to do anything they want on a space. And if it turns out to be political or social commentary rather than another Black Cockatoo or a fucking Kangaroo Paw, and you don’t think that is a good thing, then excuse yourself from the role.
5). Do you think you are making your community unique?
If that’s what you want to achieve, then painting yet another flora and fauna scene on a wall or a silo is making your community exactly the same as every other location that thought that bland chocolate box crap would be a good idea. It’s just a flag saying that “imagination doesn’t live here”.
6). Is it something disconnected from your community now, or even racist?
Almost as tedious a choice as another black cockatoo or kangaroo paw is the historical theme. Unfortunately murals often concentrate on a certain section of whitey culture from the early 20th century, often but not always, those done in rural areas. Shearers, diggers etc. you know what I mean. Apart from being universally terribly done, is this where your community is at now? Or going to be in the future? I mean don’t ever commission a mural, for all the reasons above, but don’t make it racist and backward looking as well as an eyesore! Same goes for any Marilyn Monroe, Seinfeld, Sophia Loren or other celebrity not connected to the place you might be thinking is a good idea.
So if you are in the position of commissioning a mural, answer all the questions above, and still don’t do it. Unless you are in the position of allowing an artist (not a civic decorator) absolute freedom to do what they want and be ready to back the choice, just don’t. Just don’t.
For the TWOP diaspora around the planet still holding onto Tim Winton level nostalgia for the Scotto (The Flying Scotsman née Candy Store) well, it’s just another vanished worst now. Despite seeing the last of the hipsters flat capped and stubbled, pathetically dipping into the Champion Ruby outside last week, the new version The Elford would be more suited to FIFOs draining pints of 50 Lashes at 6:50am on their way to Telfer. And once you’ve seen the interior then you can never unthink “airport bar” I always thought the place was an unpleasant hole myself, perhaps coloured by its proximity to the appalling Seinfeld mural. But many loved the dump. If you’re back for a visit, don’t bother. You might also avoid someone with a guitar doing Billy Joel covers in the corner.
This would have been classic The Worst of Perth back in the day. City Beach. Had to post it even in retirement. I was laughing too much to even check the artist. Nice that Perth public sculpture can still deliver.
The wonderful neon buttocks – an institution for decades on Barrack Street, were silenced yesterday by a fire, possibly caused by two dildos rubbing together. I hope this upskirting icon can still return.
Here it is in all its glory in 2008
This site has finally been sold. Will the stronghold at El Kabong finally fall? Or will it be the home of a super rich Perth influencer?
Worst Architecture. Guest Post from Master Splinter
For years I’ve lived in hope that the majestic stallions from El Caballo Blanco would come galloping into the old Midland Brick display centre (cnr Scarborough Beach Rd & London St North Perth).It’s begging for it. Would be a shame to see this go, I mean it should remain as a memorial to mighty Midland Brick and what it’s done for Perth, it’s really shaped our city!
Putting aside your well known stallion fantasies for a moment, can I say Ai Ya! Well posted Splinter! To me it looks more like one of those giant sewer interchanges, or one of…
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There can be no better example of how street art in Perth has been erased by anodyne civic decoration than the rear of RTR FM’s building in Beaufort Street Mt Lawley – to the extent that almost nobody realises that there is even a difference in concept between say adding brick paving and painting a wall mural. In Perth these are exactly the same things in both intent and effect. Do you spend money on a planter box or a wall mural? In Perth these are interchangeable, or to use a word that has suddenly emerged out of obscurity and into the arts scene fungible.
From inside the RTR studios, presenters may well be suggesting giving communism another go, denouncing the mainstream media, or generally smashing the patriarchy. And how lucky we are to have such an excellent station. I’m listening to it right now. But outside of the studios, the concept that a wall mural could be anything other than bland visual muzak does not even exist in the imagination of the city. And why would it, since there is nothing in the state that shows it’s even possible for public art to be more than boring nothingness?
In the US and elsewhere, murals, good or bad are frequently political and often seething with rage. It is the sad state of affairs that to my knowledge, there isn’t even one single example of this in the whole of Western Australia. None. And this is just here. In other states of Australia art murals have provoked calls to the police and even been forcibly painted out. Not here. Even an alternative radio station commissions and is apparently “chuffed” with a piece of civic decoration (let’s not call it street art) that would not be challenging enough for a kindergarten playground wall.
And can you blame the civic decorators? They, like brick paving layers need to earn money. But can nobody see outside the Perth paradigm? Will nobody have the courage to say to an artist. “I don’t care what you do. Just go for it. I want people to see my building and say “Jesus fucking Christ look at that! Not “meh””. Have artists given up applying because there is no chance of anything with the slightest edge being accepted? Or are only the least challenging decorators ever chosen? All of these are seriously depressing alternatives for Perth’s psyche.
More from Artraitors.
Australia’s obsession with bad art done big continues to run, with country towns across the nation falling over themselves to be part of this embarrassing trend. There are even “Silo Trails”, (or should that be “trials”?) where you can plan a trip based around the intersection of the world’s least imaginative artists with the least imaginative commissioning bodies.
But are they racist? Silo art is, with some (sadly too few) exceptions, overwhelmingly old whitey nostalgia. Backward looking, blinkered, generally barely rising above the level of chocolate box kitsch of a white Australia of early 20th century. Often the topic will be tea towel style paintings of draught horses, shearers, steam trains, or Diggers/slouch hat based works executed with the skills of hack commercial artists pre photoshop. And many of the artists are internationally based! Is it not absurd to get an artist from say Hawaii or Mongolia to come all…
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From my ArTraitors art critic site.
Covid restrictions again struck last week to deny art soaks a Festival of Perth level catering event at John Curtin Gallery. (Everything is True, artist Abdul-Rahman Abdullah). It’s been so long that I barely remember what a mini quiche tastes like. Kind of salty yeah? My artist impression of a FOP tier opening can be contrasted with the reality using the compare slider below. (Thx Pieter Brueghel (the old C.)
Imagine the boot of covid stamping on carrot sticks and dips forever. Look at how much space was reserved for trestles for platters! Now? Not.
But apart from rare roast beef and wine from bottles approaching the double figure mark -(retail), how much did you miss? Opening speeches can be a bit tedious, with all the thanking that needs to be done and the acknowledging of sponsors taking up much of the oxygen. Rather than…
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