The Last Post

About four months ago I wrote the following post. Since then it has been sitting on my iPod waiting for me to hit copy, paste and post. But I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. Four months on I'm still unsure how I feel and what I want to do about the badge "Christian". But, there hasn't been anything else that I've wanted to post about either. I've had new theological ideas but not desire to layout an argument for them. So, the blog has just been silent. Rather than continue to leave the blog hanging I thought I should put up a "last post" and share with you what I could not quite bring myself to post for the last four months because four months on it is still the best description of where I am at.

The End Of The Downward Spiral 

Longtime followers of the blog will know that despite being "a churchless faith" this blog has been anything but churchless. I started the blog churchless and almost straight away I was on the hunt to find a church community to call home. In fact since I first started walking myself to Sunday school as a ten year old I have rarely been churchless. I have also felt like I never quite fit the mould either and was never able to be completely honest with my faith. At times I have felt like Jacob wrestling the angel and left in deadlock. After thirty years of moving through a handful of denominations and churches trying to bang my square theological peg into a round church hole I've decided it's time to stop. Time to stop wrestling. This blog has very much been a reflection of that wrestling so it's time to stop blogging too.

For years I've described myself as a Christian. I'm not sure I should do that anymore. Really, I am a heretic. I do not believe the orthodox no matter how that has been variously defined through out my life and not just in a "hey we differ on a few minor things" kind of way but, in a "I'm sorry you're not really one of us" kind of way. I have been told I'm too evangelical by a main line church leader who would never have let be appointed to the very minor role I once had. I've been told I'm too liberal by a evangelical leader, who felt it would be inappropriate for me to attend their church service. I've been told to find a different church and told that me teaching sunday school would be worrying. Mostly it's more subtle, where I can believe what I like just as long as i'm not able to do anything where someone might have the opputunity to hear any of those Ideas. There would always be some kind of limit of how much I could participate in the church. Warming the pew was fine, just everything above that was off. I've wrestled clinging white knuckled to the belief that there should be a place for me. I have now let go, I am done with wrestling. I don't fit and it's time to move on. It maybe a wrestle I should have given up on sixteen years ago but it is what it is. Christian communities are based around common orthodoxies (beliefs) and I am too unorthodox.

I know that some people might be thinking "why don't you start your own church?" I have thought about that but, I have never heard a church planting story that starts with a lone couple exhausted from keeping up with life, burnt out by church, with no support from anywhere else who go on to do anything productive. And, there just might be a good reason for that. After his wrestle Jacob walked away with a limp for me, it's time to hand in the badge that says "Christian"

Writing this I feel a weight lifted. I am in a good place and apart from "the badge" nothing has changed. It is just without the badge there is just no longer a need to wrestle for a place where I fit in among the community of Christians.

I Watched "The Bible" On TV

After a slew of social media endorsements I watched "the Bible" TV production that screened last night on Australian TV. I predict churches won't be crowded with newcomers after "the bible" screened on TV. With an unruly character count and lots of death it kind of felt like a series of truncated Game of Thrones episodes but with poor dialogue and a cruel crapucious invisible main character. This main character starts by wiping out the whole world, then the city of Sodom, after a chat with the more compassionate Abraham. Then this main character convinces Abraham to kill his only son only to stop him at the last minute. I stopped  watching at that point. 

Now, I could go onto explain why I don't think God is cruel and capricious but for this post I'm going to leave that because this is how I think many people will have viewed God after seeing at least this first part of the TV production.

Everything Is Not Happening

This post is more of a personal life updated than a proper blog post 2012 was not a great year. With great gusto we had decided to make a big change in 2013. Primarily we were going to move to a new suburb and live right next to some old friends who we greatly admire. Nearly 6 months later we have not moved we're still in the same house and no closer to moving into a new place. House prices in the area have been rapidly rising (and faster than where we currently live). According to realestate.com the median house price has gone from $325k in December to $430k in March, and with 25 buyers for each house sold, houses that we can afford get sold before we have a chance to look at them. We did put an offer on one house but it failed a building inspection. So the idea of moving has been postponed.

In the last 18 months not much has changed in life my but I am aware of the great things in my life. I have the most beautiful wife and kid and, unlike thier parents they are really happy.

The Filthy Jesus Experiment Has Arrived

It was February last year that I dreamt up the idea of starting a band called The Filthy Jesus Experiment. Last night that dream became a reality. It was as much fun as I'd always hoped it could be. To celebrate I bought myself a domain name www.thefilthyjesusexperiment.com

2013 The Update On Change

Since the last post about change we found a house to move in to we put an offer on it, it got accepted and the... it failed the structural building inspection. Not just in a reduce the price kind of way but in a you can't use rooms of the house kind of way. For two weeks we went through a heck of a lot of stress including a team of friends helping us clean up the house to get it ready to sell, all for nothing.

After that house fell through the last handful of houses for sale in the area have all been more than we can afford. The latest literally next door to a good friend is likely to sell around $45,000 above what we can afford. Perth house prices have been booming and the area we want to move into seems to be booming a little more than our current area. There are simply more people than houses, rents have sky-rocketed and house prices are following. Probably most depressing is not the nice houses we can't afford but the ones above our budget that sells the week they're listed and it's not a house we would want to buy.
 

Right now I’m angry and I’m starting to think “this ain’t going to happen”. I'm angry I don't have the capacity to move from one of Perth's least reputable suburbs to another of Perth's least reputable suburbs. I'm angry that my earning capacity is significantly less than most 40 year old males I know. I’m angry that we had to send my wife to work because I couldn’t earn nearly as much as a her (a primary school teacher). I’m angry that when I’m in a conversation where people are talking about needing $60,000 I feel like exploding in to a rage of “What friggin' planet are you on!”. I’m angry about 2012 and that 2013 isn’t looking too much different.

Please Don't Tell Me "We're Praying For You", It's Insulting.

There's a way to pleasantly tell someone "I think there’s something seriously wrong with you" without them yelling back at you. It's four short words, "We're praying for you". There you go, four short words that's it. Try it sometime. 

A while ago now someone tried it on me. They walked up tome put their arm around me shook their head and said "we're praying for you". Being a “nice” person I politely smiled and said thanks. Really though, I wanted to ask "why?", I haven't asked for prayer, I haven't just announced the kind of disastrous news that invites prayer. I wanted to ask what is it about my life that you think needs prayer so much that you'd not only do it, but you also feel the need to come and tell me that that's what you were doing? When Jesus said it's best to pray behind close doors rather than on the street corner I don't think he meant go pray behind close doors then go to the street corner and let everyone what you’ve just been doing in secret. Seriously, telling someone "we're praying for you" is just like telling someone “I think there is something seriously wrong with you and we need some miraculous intervention from God to fix it”. Even if I have told the world that there is something seriously wrong with me that needs some miraculous intervention please don’t tell me “we’re praying for you” tell me you’ve baked a lasagna and you’d like to drop it off this afternoon. I know it's meant to be sweet but it's just not.

If you ever find yourself in my shoes and your not the sort of person to repeat the above rant My wife has great comeback. When someone told her "we're praying for you" she smiled and said "and we've been praying for you too!" She of course got the "so what are saying is wrong with me?" look but the person said nothing. 

We Want An NDIS And We Need To Pay More Tax

Everyone loves the idea of an NDIS (national disability insurance scheme) but few people will like the idea of paying a $300 levy for it. As the federal election approaches I'm sure once again I'll be hearing people compain that "we pay too much tax". Whether it's income tax, carbon tax, business tax or a new NDIS levy / tax, the underlying assumption is that we pay too much tax. The reality is that we don't. 

In fact, there are loads of countries who pay more tax (as a ratio of GDP) than Australia does. They are... Ireland, Guyana, Seychelles, Canada, Estonia, Turkey, Barbados, Moldova, Mongolia, Poland, Serbia, Brazil, Bulgaria, New Zealand, Botswana, Malta, Czech Republic, Luxembourg, Israel, Russia, Portugal, Argentina, Spain, United Kingdom, Hungary, Cyprus, Slovenia, Netherlands, Swaziland, Iceland, Germany, Bosnia and Herzegovina, Italy, Lesotho, Austria, Finland, Norway, France, Cuba, Belgium, Sweden, Denmark, Zimbabwe, Kiribati and Timor-Leste.

Out of the 35 OECD countries only eight pay less tax than us. They are Japan, Switzerland, Slovakia, Mexico, Greece, Japan, US, South Korea and Chile. Many of those are either in big debt (because the government has spent like they were earning way more) or they have no where need the services (particularly health) that we do. Now, this isn't to say that tax revenue is never wasted or to say that the tax system is neccesarily fair. So sure, go ahead and argue about which sector of the community should be paying more tax, which should be paying a less tax and how it should be spent. But please no more complaining that "we pay too much tax". We don't and we need to pay a bit more.

Embracing Failure

How do people measure a good life? For some it's the size of their assets. For others it's the number or quality of their achievements. For others it's the quality of their relationships. Perhaps for most of us it's some combination of these three. 

Most good mid-life crisises occur when a billionaire, or a sports star realises that assets and achievements just don't mean as much as they'd hoped. Those of us, like me, who are "just" raising the kids may also be wondering "was it all worth it?" Are the hours of exposure to my own neuroses any less damaging than the hours of day care that two full time workers need to put their kids through. 

Almost every aspect of my life could be labelled as "under achiever" at best. Fourteen years ago a friend gave me a book titled "the underachievers diary", she saw it and thought immediately of me. A life of underachieving is a trajectory I've been on for a while. There is a long list of things that could have been or almost were that in the end amounted to nothing. Now, I'm giving up trying to "turn my life around". I'm giving up trying to succeed, achieve or accumulate. I'm going to try and embrace my failures and live each day to the values I hold dear. 

Failure just seems woven through out the Xn story from the small nation of Israel through to the person of Jesus; who after three years work found himself alone strung up on a cross.

Love is the embrace of failure. True love is sticking by your unemployed spouse, your mentally ill or frail spouse. I'm going to guess it's harder to love someone in various states of failure than a billionaire super model who adores you. It's harder to love the faithful son than the one who runs off and spends the inheritance. But that is what love is, what a meaningful life is. Embracing the failure in others and in our selves.

2012 The Year Of Disaster 2013 The Year Of Change

In our family (when the kids are in bed) the wife and I talk of 2012 as "the shit year". A son diagnosed with Autism, a daughter with the kind of disdain for school that is usually reservd for 16 year olds, the most stressful work year of my wife's career and I lost my part time job. There were more "shit" things but this list gives you a sense of the situation. Then at the start of 2013 we left church. 

Since we got married we have been trying to do life the way you're supposed to but, to be honest, it just hasn't worked out. After 8 years living in our suburb I still do not really know anyone below the age of 12 (we have some neighborhood kids who regularly come over and play) all of our friends (apart from one who is a 20 min drive away) are 30-45 min drive away. My wife and my work and the kids school are a 30, 35 and 20 minute drives away respectively. What's more we feel as isolated as this aounds and we have huge petrol costs. 

So, now we're conspiring to extend the mortgage, sell our nice 4 bedroom 2 bathroom house with the awesome fruit trees and veggie patch and buy a much smaller run down 3 bedroom 1 bathroom house in walking distance from some very beautiful old friends and become a part of their community. It scares me to consider such a big change. We'd have to get new jobs, new schools as well as a new house but it's a change we feel compelled to make, where we are is just not working we have nothing apart from a really nice house with everything I ever dreamed of having in a house there's even a chair in our bedroom for goodness sake. Now we want to give that away because although I knew it already we need to live as if people are the most important thing in our lives and not stuff.

Should We Thank God For Mental Illness?

Today on my Facebook feed I read the intensely tragic news that Rick Warren's son had committed suicide. Right next to this post a Xn friend, a minister in fact, posted a link to the article "Thank God for the gift of Cancer". It's about woman with terminal cancer about a woman who is about to die but she is all joy and sunshine about it because she sees it as a gift from God. Because of the cancer she started repenting of her sins and telling others about Jesus. My friend recommended the article with the comment "A wonderful Christian response to Cancer". 

Seeing the two things side by side I couldn't help but think that there is no way anyone would accept a "thank God for my mental illness" because I know one day I will commit suicide article . But, the "Thank God for for the gift of Cancer" article I'm sure will get a tonne of likes and positive comments. The implication is that this is the appropriate or "Christian" way to respond to tragedy. It struck me, again, that western Christianity is in desperate need of a theology of "Where the fuck are you God and why the fuck did you let this happen". That we might be able to cry out like the Lamentations and Psalms and ask "my God my God why have you forsaken me." My prayer is that the Warren family have the space, permission and the time to do this and that they do not have to feel like they should be saying "this was all part of God's plan" or "he's in a better place".

Life After Church

I previously posted that my family and I are no longer going to the church we've been at for the past 8 years we're also not going to any other church. Honestly, been really hard but it's also been great. You can probably imagine the hard stuff so today I'll talk about the great stuff. In many ways family life has become more overtly spiritual than before. We've instigated "lounge time", an idea stolen from a couple of friends. This is we're we sit together at the end of the day as family for 20mins and do "stuff". This can be a combination of praying, singing, bible story reading, drawing, hugging, tickling and telling each other why we love each other. We all take turns in deciding the agenda for the night and the kids love it.

We also had Easter recently and it was the best Easter we've had in a long time. Good Friday we hung out with another family who we greatly admire and got to do a kind of alternate worship thing in a park. It was based on the Space service I blogged about many years ago. I wasn't sure if my kids had listened much to the story until my youngest drew the picture below which includes the blacken sky and the nail holes on the cross.

Easter Sunday we had lunch with what is really a fairly odd collection of people. Some were refugees some were recently hurt by church, one person had an obvious physical disability, and so on. We ate food and sang some Valley Songs together. To me it was the Kingdom of God breaking into the world.

What's more, I got to choose whether I'd tell the Easter Story in a "your such horrible sinners look at what God had to do to Jesus" kind of way or "Not even death is going to stop the inbreaking of God's kingdom of love into this world" kind of way. So right now I'm feeling "Church pfft that was so last millennium". Which is probably what you'd expect from this blog right?

If Your Brother Stumbles... Maybe Don’t Be A Jerk

If my wife could get rid of one verse in the Bible it would be the "if you see you brother stumble restore him" verse. This is an often used loose summary of Galatians 6:1 and my wife has seen it used as a free pass for self righteous Xns to list all the bad or theologically incorrect things that someone else is doing. It’s a way of laying down the law for anyone being a bit too free with their faith. However, the verse really works the other way round. Galatians is all about the fight between two groups one with lots of rules about what you should and shouldn't do and the other group without those rules. Paul unashamedly sides with the group without the rules declaring that love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control, that is life by the spirit is more important than a life under a law of rules and regulations. So when in Galatians 6:1 Paul asks people to restore someone in gentleness and carrying their burdens it is most likely to be in the context if liberating them from a rule or law that is simply unhelpful. For the Galatians this rule was circumcision.
 

For me, If I could get rid of any verse in the Bible it’d be the endings to Mark's gospel. Most bibles have warnings that this is not part of the earliest texts but it still sits there at the end of my favourite gospel and I wish the publishers would have the guts just to cut it out or at least put it as a foot note. 

I'd also like to get rid of the "love the sinner hate the sin" verse... Of course I'm being facetious because that verse doesn't exist. Most of the time Jesus attitude is closer to "love the sinner and hate your own sin" (as Tony Campolo would say). But there is a point in John's gospel where Jesus comes close. In John 8:11 Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery to “go and sin no more”. Once again you'll probably see a warning on your Bible that this story was not in the earliest manuscripts of John's gospel. Which is probably going surprise many because for the most part this episode is such a beautiful summary of Jesus character. Jesus, on the side of the oppressed and down trodden pointing out those accusing the woman that they have their own sin they need to deal with. But, then at the end of the episode Jesus says "go and sin no more". Which in my experience often gets interpreted into a free pass to tell any young hussy all the things that she should and shouldn't be doing. So that'd mean stoning someone till their bloody mess is bad, but throwing spiritual stones until someone is a shattered mess go right ahead. I don't think so.
 

Maybe, just maybe we are called to love ,to walk alongside and not to judge. Jesus rarely tells people what they should do. This is usually reserved for the Pharisees or people like the rich young ruler who are more interested in trapping Jesus or showing him how right they are and how wrong he is. To those viewed as sinful, Jesus was accused of hanging out with them too intimately of loving the sinner and ignoring their sin. Even with Zacchaeus, Jesus says nothing to him. I suspect Zacchaeus knows what is right and wrong. He's not looking for a moralist to point his faults out to him, instead he is looking for community to take him in so whole heartedly and so unconditionally that he will have the strength to make the changes he needs to make.

Preachers After Google

It's been ages since I've seen a great guitarist live on stage. I've seen bands of course and it's not that they're bad it's just I grew up on a diet of Jimi Hendrix, Jimi Page and BB King so unfortunately by the time i walk into a pub I have insanely high standards. For decades now recorded music has drastically reduced the worth of the local pub guitarist.

Lately I've been thinking about the local church preacher in a similar light. Thanks to the internet I have a library of talks by Ched Myers, NT Wright, Peter Rollins, Brian McLaren, John Domonic Crossan etc, so chances are what I hear on a Sunday morning is going to pale in comparison to what I heard last Wednesday night while I was folding the washing. Perhaps, once the advantage of being a local congregation preacher was that you could customize what you were preaching to meet the circumstances of the congregation you were preaching too. But, I don't think that's true any longer. We live in such atomized communities that for many people, at any church of a Sunday morning the only thing that they have in common is that they are at that church on a Sunday morning. I wondering if the Sunday morning preacher is fast becoming as relevant as the small corner record store.

So what's the future?

I'm wondering if we no longer have the need for localized knowledge dispensers, in the way we once did. Maybe what we need is people who can help us intergrate this knowledge. Maybe we need less preachers and more group therapists. People who can help us recognize the difference between how we live and our calling and help us intergrate that calling into our lives.

Sexism Is Alive And Kicking - Reflections Of A Stay At Home Dad

My life is an unusual one, I'm a stay at home dad working part time as an admin assistant and studying counselling part time. All fine things to do but, they are also things that are almost exclusively the domain of women. Maybe not officially the domain of women but practically they are. At school I’m on the list of "mums". At work I've already heard the expression "ladies in the office" to describe all the people working in the office I am now working in.  At Uni 90% of my classmates are women. The other day I walked passed a toilet where the baby change room was inside the woman's toilet. Fortunately I don't have to change nappies any more but, I still have memories of asking an employee of a play centre how I could access the change room. At school I didn't get asked to help sew something for the classroom, I guess because I’m the bloke, normally I do all the sewing at home.
 

The unspoken message that I get is that I don't belong. Of course no person is actually ever going to say that, not unless I hang out with a specific subset of Xns. Just as an aside, one day I'd love to tell that subset of people that my wife is the bread-winner and therefore the head of the household. That I always have a shower shave and put on a nice shirt before she comes home and that I've got Proverbs 31 printed out on my fridge. But I digress. The fact that I don't “belong” but am welcomed anyway is fine it means that I am able to inhabit traditionally woman space or man space. What is probably harder or more subtle is the message that all the women get. The "this is where you belong" message. I'm going to guess it's much harder to send you husband along to a "mother's" group or consider putting him as the primary liaison at school, that is to put his name down on the "mum's list". Even Centrelink (social security) still insists on primarily dealing with my wife on matters to deal with our children. Fortunately I can still handle all the affairs because my wife can hand that responsibility on if she is "incapable" of doing it herself. Even when I cooked, sewed or cleaned something it was often received with admiration, for my wife when she was in the same role and for all the women around me that was just what was expected. I could go on. Everywhere I turn I bump into all the signs that tell women, or tell my wife what she "should" be doing and what her role "should" be. I'm posting this as I wonder as an outsider if it's sometimes easier to spot these things. Yes lots have changed over the years but we still have a long way to go.
 

Since purple is my favourite colour and I got married in purple I think I might stick this on my fridge anyway...

Proverbs 31

10 A capable husband who can find? He is far more precious than jewels. 11 The heart of his wife trusts in him, and she will have no lack of gain. 12 He does her good, and not harm, all the days of his life. 13 He seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 14 He is like the ships of the merchant, he brings her food from far away. 15 He rises while it is still night and provides food for his household and tasks for his servant-boys. 16 He considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of his hands he plants a vineyard. 17 He girds himself with strength, and makes his arms strong. 18 He perceives that his merchandise is profitable. His lamp does not go out at night. 19 He puts his hands to the distaff, and his hands hold the spindle. 20 He opens his hand to the poor, and reaches out his hands to the needy. 21 He is not afraid for his household when it snows, for all his household are clothed in crimson. 22 He makes himself coverings; his clothing is fine linen and purple. 23 His wife is known in the city gates, taking her seat among the elders of the land. 24 He makes linen garments and sells them; he supplies the merchant with sashes. 25 Strength and dignity are his clothing, and he laughs at the time to come. 26 He opens his mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on his tongue. 27 He looks well to the ways of his household, and does not eat the bread of idleness. 28 His children rise up and call him happy; his wife too, and she praises him: 29 "Many men have done excellently, but you surpass them all." 30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a man who fears the LORD is to be praised. 31 Give him a share in the fruit of his hands, and let his works praise him in the city gates.

Dreaming Of The Beauty and Vastness Of The Ocean

I don't want to go to church to build a boat. I don't want to walk through the church doors and discover the plan already laid out. I don't walk to be told "there are plenty of opportunities to volunteer"; sewing the sails or painting the hull. I know there's lots of ways to join in but, I don't want that. No, I want to join with people and dream about the beauty and vastness of the ocean. Maybe I'll build a boat, but maybe I'll go fishing in the shallows, maybe I'll lather my friend in fat so she can swim across the ocean, or maybe I'll build a submarine. I'm sure that you will build a fine boat but I don't want to just choose a role in an already decided plan. No, I want to dream about the beauty and vastness of the ocean.

Zizek And Job - Learning Theology From An Atheist

Listening to a Zizek lecture before going to a church service is the probably the theological equivalent of doing acid before entering a boring work meeting. You enter the room like you have a completely different perception on how reality works. The above interview is probably one of the most challenging inspiring things I've heard in a long time. I recommend listening to all of it. My favourite part is when Zizek talks about the book of Job 12:57 to 17:30. As an atheist he had the freedom and space to re imagine what God might be like. If you've gone to the same kind of churches as me where God is talked about through the Greek Platonic frame of God as all powerful, all knowing, all loving, all everything, then there is really only one way to read Job. That is you read God as someone who berates Job like a cruel headmaster. The whole point of the first 37 chapters of Job is too show that the idea of someone's suffering being because they are being punished by God or that it is all part of God's divine plan is completely ridiculous or wrong. Despite that, this is still the dominate advice that people get about suffering. I could write more but I'll let Zizek speak for himself.

Why do I think this important? Because, people give up on a Greek Platonic God when I suspect they wouldn't give up on a Xn God. A classic case in point is David Bazan. I resonate so strongly with his classic "break up with God" album "Curse Your Branches" but I still have my faith, perhaps stronger than ever. This is the final track on the album and the final verse is all about Job.

When Job asked you the question
You responded, "Who are you
To challenge your creator?"
Well, if that one part is true
It makes you sound defensive

Like you had not thought it through
Enough to have an answer
Like you might have bit off
More than you could chew

Finally, It's Lent and something I'm going to be doing, which readers of this blog maybe interested in signing up to, is the "atheism for lent" course. The course starts Monday and as it's associated with Zizek fan Peter Rollins, I'm hoping it will more likely wrestle with the far more interesting critiques of Xy by people like Zizek rather than the more pedestrian critiques of people like Richard Dawkins.

"Make Them Change" Or "Be The Change"

My problem is I want to change the world. I see injustice and inequality and I can't stand it. What's worse is I feel like I should change the world or really I should be changing other people. Of course I'd never articulate this as crassly as I have just done but none the less it was the underlying story I believe I have been telling myself. This year I'm taking a year off. Instead, I'm just going to try and be the change. I will work on just changing myself and let the rest of humanity sort itself out.

A perfect example of this is some of the kids on my street. They'll often come and play in our yard or with our kids. Talk to some Xns and they'll tell me how that's a great avenue to get to know the parents (the implication from evangelicals being I will then be able to convert them or from more progressive Xns being I will then be able help them live better lives) others will try to tell me I need to get the other parents to reciprocate the favour otherwise I'm being "used as a baby sitting service". Screw both of those ideas. This year I'm just going to be the stay at home dad with a trampoline, a cubby house a swing, a sand pit, a pretty big paddling pool and two kids happy to play with anyone. I'm just going to try and be and do what I think is best regardless of where it leads or whether anyone says thinks.

That is, I'll be praying "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."

If it works out, which I am pretty confident it will I'll try to integrate it into just a general conscious way of being in the world.

Love Is Being Not The Best Person For The Job

Two weeks ago I got to hang out with a man on the steps of an inner city church for a couple of hours. He ended up sleeping on those steps that night. It was one of those experiences where all of my theoretical theology faded away into the obscure uselessness. All I could do was just sit, listen and try to empathise with the pain he was describing. The act was simple and hard. Nothing in my life had prepared me to listen in a way that could show I had any idea what he might be going through. Even his happiest story was soaked in sadness. But, I listened, I laughed, I swore and I spent long stretches in silence. I felt like the worst person for the task. He smiled and genuinely thanked me. Sometimes the worst person for the task doing the best they can is the best recipe for love.

Why "Worship" Music Is Mostly Crap IMHO

After years of imagining doing "worship" music I got to do it for four days straight at six different times. I enjoyed it and afterwards I couldn't help but think about why I don't like "regular" worship music, what's wrong with it or, why I think it's mostly crap. My big problem with worship music is not just the sound (as previously blogged) but the lyrical content. I used to think it was because some worship songs where theologically flimsy or that they weren't balanced with songs of lament but, if truth be told the reason I think worship music is mostly crap is because it's just not honest. When I'm singing about how I'll praise God forever or how I'm so always happy now that I've found Jesus it's just dishonest. Maybe occasional, just occasionally I might genuinely feel that, but even when I do I can look across the congregation and spot someone for whom that is simply not true. They stand there just going through the worship motions and I can't sing any more. I can't sing and imply that they should be feeling something else. Maybe this is why Hill Song type songs work so well on CD, in the privacy of your own head, or in the overwhelming noise of a concert performance. In your car you're by yourself in a concert the sound and lights are so overpowering you have no one to distract you, again essentially by yourself. Ultimately the music is projecting how we think we're supposed to feel and not how we actually feel.

For the four days a group of us sang a small handful of songs. "Carry Us Over", a song of desperation, a song where we admit constant failure "we don't know how to be sober", a song where we literally ask God to carry us. "Rise Up" a song in which we plead to God, who appears silent, to act and to "Rise Up and delver us from all who oppress us". Then in the songs "Oh Mary Don't You Weep" and "let the light of lighthouse" we remember great things done in the past (Moses and Jesus) with the reminder that God sides with the poor and oppressed. Finally we sang some ye olde gospel songs "Ain't No Grave", "Some Great Day" and "Down To River to Pray" where we sang about the hope of justice in the future. All this sang with just me on guitar and someone on drums trying to follow as we went (with no rehearsal and the occasional help from my very out of time 4 year old son). It was horribly unpolished. I like to imagine it sounded like someone who'd grabbed hold of the mic and a guitar at a crowded pub and got everyone into a sing along. It's the kind of celebration and hope filled singing that can only be done whilst you are simultaneously drowning your sorrows with a beer or two or three. I have no illusions that all there thought it was wonderful, but it felt like the seed of perhaps how things could be.

For more details on the songs see this post.

Churchless

The Blog took a break for a while because my family and I are now churchless. If you followed the blog you'll be aware that despite the blog's title I have been hanging out with a church for a while. Well, that is now over and I've spent the last few weeks writing thanks and goodbye letters to various people I was close too (finding out via a blog post or via one of the few people who read the blog would be a bit crap). This is a practice I can highly recommend. I'm not sure how this will change the content on the blog but at least the title will be a little more truthful.

AMUC Music 2013

A short resumption in transmission. Last week I had the pleasure of playing music at the AMUC camp in Perth. These are the songs we sang...

Ain’t No Grave

CHORUS:

               G (4 bars)

There Ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down

               C (4 bars)               G

There ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down

When I hear the trumpet sound

Get up outa the ground

               D (4 bars)               G

There ain’t no grave gonna hold my body down

Early in the mornin’,
About the break of day
The angels came in glory
And they rolled the stone away
The tomb was all but empty
when the women walked in
Singing Glory Hallelujah
Jesus lives again
 

CHORUS

The Lord Himself from heaven

Descending with a shout

O glory Hallelujah

From the grave He'll call me out

Meet me Jesus meet me

Meet me in the middle of the air

When I go I'll sing and shout

For I'll be welcome there

CHOURS

© Traditional – arrangement Fret Not

Carry Us Over

C               G               Am

Jesus turn this wine back in to water

   C                 G            Am    

So we can quench our poor thirsty souls

     C                G                Am

This dessert's dry as hell and getting hotter

        C             G                 Am

And the truth is only your love makes us whole

   C                 G                       

So carry us over the finish line

               Dm                      F

we can see the end but our feet are so tired

     C             G              Am 

It's Obvious we're useless on our own

   C                 G                       

So carry us over the finish line

               Dm                      F

We can see the end but our feet are so tired

   C          G         Am   

We don't know how to be sober

   C           G   C

So Jesus Carry us over

But if this wait is gonna kill me

well kill me then and bring me home to you

But if my destiny’s amongst the heathen

Well time me to your rope and pull me through

                C    G  Am

We want to come home

                C    G  Am

We want to come home

                C    G  Dm  F

We want to come home

                C    G  C

We want to come home

© Kelli Schaefer

The Light from the Lighthouse

       Bb            Eb    Bb  

Let it Shine, let it shine on

                                  F 

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

       Bb            Eb    Bb  

Let it Shine, let it shine on

                                  F        Bb

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

       Bb             Eb      Bb  

Oh, my Lord done just what he said

                                  F

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

   Bb                     Eb         Bb  

He healed the sick and he raised the dead

                                  F        Bb

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

CHORUS

The Lord has brought good news to the poor

Let your light from the lighthouse shine on me,

He freed the oppressed and opened the prison door

Let your light from the lighthouse shine on me,

CHORUS

I’m gonna love justice, I’m gonna do mercy

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

I’m gonna walk with God, gonna walk humbly

Let the light from the lighthouse shine on me

CHORUS

Down to the River to Pray (in F)

(Beatitudes Version)

          D                          A                   D        G

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way

    D                                       A     G           D

And who shall wear the robe and crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

A           D              G                      D

O, sisters, let's go down, let's go down, come on down, 

A           D                          G        D

O, sisters, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

          D                          A                   D        G

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way 

    D                                     A     G           D

And how the poor shall wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

A            D              G                      D

O, brothers, let's go down, let's go down, come on down,

A            D                          G        D

O, brothers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

(other verses identical pattern)

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about that good old way 

And how the meek shall wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

O, fathers, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, 

O, fathers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way 

And the merciful who'll wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

O, mothers, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, 

O, mothers, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way 

And the peacemakers who'll wear a crown, Good Lord, show me the way 

O, sinners, let's go down, Let's go down, come on down, 

O, sinners, let's go down, Down to the river to pray 

As I went down to the river to pray, Studying about the good old way 

And the pure in heart who'll wear a crown , Good Lord, show me the way

© Traditional – Beatitudes additions – Chris Summerfield

Mary* Don't You Weep

Em           B  

If I could I surely would

                        Em

Stand on the rock where Moses stood.

Am                 Em 

Pharaoh’s army got drownded

B                 Em    

Oh Mary don't you weep.

Em                 B

Oh Mary, don't you weep, no more

                   Em

Oh Mary, don't you weep, no more

Am                 Em 

Pharaoh’s army got drownded

        B         Em    

Oh Mary don't you weep.

Moses stood on the red sea shore

Smotin' the water with a two by four.

Pharaoh’s army got drownded, Oh Mary don't you weep.

God told Moses what to do   

To lead the Hebrew children through.

Pharaoh’s army got drownded, Oh Mary don't you weep.

Brothers and Sisters don't you cry

There'll be good times by and by

Pharaoh’s army got drownded, Oh Mary don't you weep.

     CHORUS

     Oh Mary don't you weep.

     Oh Mary don't you weep.

*Mary of Bethany John 11:32-33

© Traditional – Sinai Mountain Boys arrangement

Rise Up
          

Many are those who say there is no deliverance in Your name (repeat)
But You, O LORD, are a shield to all who suffer (repeat)
We will cry out to You (repeat)

Rise up, LORD, rise up
and deliver us from all that oppresses!ell it’s a great big beaut

 Some Great Day

Isaiah 58

          G             G7               

1. Shout aloud. Tell my people

   D7       G

My lips are sealed

           Em          D7        G  B7      

While they look for me day after day

       Em       D        C        G

Cryin’ Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord, Oh Lord

G              D7        G

Looking for me day after day.

             G          G

2. Yes, they ask me for wisdom

     D7         G

They fast for a day

       Em          D7         G    B7

But my heart cries out to the poor

          Em       D        C        G

While you fast one day, one day, one day

   G           D7         G       D7      

My heart cries out to the poor.   Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

  G      

C light will shine

A6                 D 

Night will turn to day, Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

  G      

C light will shine

C          D7      G   D 

Night will turn to day.

             G           G            

3. Loose the chains of injustice

    D7             G

The poor, set them free

         Em       D7            G  B7       

Then the Lord will say “Here am I”

          Em         D           C              G      

Then your light will shine, will shine like the dawn

    G         D7           G   D7      

The Lord will say “Here am I”. Oh...

CHORUS

             G         G  

4. Fight the yoke of oppression

D7       G

Love the poor

            Em        D7         G    B7    

Then you’ll find your joy in the Lord

        Em      D       C       G 

Finding joy, Oh joy, Oh joy, Oh joy

G                D7         G     D7      

You’ll find your joy in the Lord. Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

    G      

The only tears we’ll cry

A6           D 

Are tears of joy, Oh...

G    C

Some day

         G          C

Lord, on some great day

    G      

The only tears we’ll cry

C   D7       G   D 

Are tears of joy.

© Copyright Paul Gioia 2001

If you like the song you can buy the CD and music book from the Shower of Grace website.

And... of course the song you all want to teach to the 9:30am service.

Lord Must Fix My Soul

G                          C                   G
I loved molly louie well I stabbed her with my bowie
                 D
lord must fix my soul

G                          C                   G
I loved molly louie well I stabbed her with my bowie
     D             G
Lord please fix my soul

                               C         G
Lord must fix my soul turn the s**t into gold
                 D
lord must fix my soul
G                              C         G
lord must fix my soul turn the s**t into gold
     D             G
lord please fix my soul

my mother taught me the bible well i shot her with my rifle
lord must fix my soul
my mother taught me the bible well i shot her with my rifle
lord please fix my soul

I've got a dog named louie well i turned him into chop suey
lord must fix my soul
I've got a dog named louie well i turned him into chop suey
lord please fix my soul

If I can't afford the cocaine I'd shoot gasoline in my veins
lord must fix my soul
If I can't afford the cocaine I'd shoot gasoline in my veins
lord please fix my soul

© Dad Horse

If you like any or all of this music more of these "Valley Songs" can be found on the side bar of this blog on the Pages section (third section from the top).