Yellowbeard (1983)
Actors:
Peter Boyle (actor),
Peter Bull (actor),
Álvaro Carcaño (actor),
Graham Chapman (actor),
Tommy Chong (actor),
John Cleese (actor),
Peter Cook (actor),
George Lane Cooper (actor),
John Dair (actor),
Kenneth Danziger (actor),
Carlos East (actor),
Marty Feldman (actor),
Bernard Fox (actor),
John H. Francis (actor),
David Bowie (actor),
Plot: Yellowbeard, a pirate's pirate, is allowed to escape from prison to lead the authorities to his treasure. He finds that his wife neglected to tell him that he now has a son, 20, and shame of shame, an intellectual. The British Navy, Yellowbeard, his son, and members of Yellowbeard's old crew all go after the treasure.
Keywords: box-office-flop, breasts, cult-movie-cast, funeral-march-by-chopin, historical-fiction, hook-for-hand, independent-film, piracy, pirate, sea
Genres:
Action,
Adventure,
Comedy,
Taglines: A picture filled with public floggings, saucy tarts, looney lords, outrageousness, offensiveness, even a stuffed crocodile and sheep! [Australia Theatrical] The greatest comedy cast ever assembled for a movie! Everyone who's ever been funny!!! [Australia Theatrical] Swashbucklers, pirates, public floggings, saucy tarts, beggars, queens, & jolly rogers. A Shipload of Laughs.
Quotes:
[Examining Yellowbeard's treasure]::El Nebuloso: Who is it more important to please: the King of Spain, or God?::El Segundo: Why, God, of course.::El Nebuloso: And who is God's personal representative in these parts?::El Segundo: Why, you, your holy ruthlessness.::El Nebuloso: Well, God wants to keep all of it.
Narrator: The pirate Yellowbeard captured many other galleons, killing over five-hundred men in cold blood. He would tear the captains hearts out and swallow them whole. Often forcing his victims to eat their own lips, he was caught and imprisoned... for tax evasion.
Yellowbeard: She couldn't be your mother. No woman ever slept with me and lived.
Betty: When little Dan was two minutes old I tattooed it on his head.::Yellowbeard: Does he know about this?::Betty: Oh, no no no, that's why I kept him in the cupboard for three years. That may be why he's a bit odd with all these books, and reading, and stuff like that.
Dan: Look, if you cut my head off it'll start to putrify!::Yellowbeard: Do what?::Dan: Putrify, go rotten!::Yellowbeard: Yeah, it would ooze a lot, heads do. But I could live with that.
Yellowbeard: Betrayin's all part of piratin'. If you don't know that you're not even close to being a pirate, "Prawn of my loins", my foot!::Dan: What?::Yellowbeard: You're either born a pirate or not! It's in the blood Dan, and it's not in your blood or you'd have betrayed me long ago!
Betty: That's Yellowbeard.::Yellowbeard: I'm in disguise, you stupid tart!
Yellowbeard: Where's the map?::Betty: What map?::Yellowbeard: If you say you don't know where it is, I'll nail your tits to the table!
Dan: Everyone will be following you and if they catch you they'll have the map.::Yellowbeard: Bugger them! I'll eat it first. Won't be the first head I've eaten.
Betty: It's been twenty years since we had a little cuddle, and what do you do? Come in and give me a kiss? No, you rush in and hack a hole in the wall.