The perils of Internet porn

Just thought I'd share a workplace experience from a few years back...

I was doing a media ring-a-round one day and logged on to Lawsy's website (address courtesy of Margaret Gees) to find his producers' contact details and was amazed to see the screen downloading a lurid pink background.

Then a banner came up with, 'I like 'em young and fresh', followed by images of, well, supposedly young and fresh 'Nasty Teens'.

Being in a shared office, I quickly pissed that screen off and shut down the Internet, then turned around to greet my boss (female) who had just walked into the room.

After providing her with a five minute update on my day's activities, I turned around and was aghast to see the 'Knocked up Black Chicks' web page large as life on my screen. It took me about five minutes before I was able to escape the hundreds of porn applets that had invaded my system.

I then had to explain to my boss what had happened as she was in the midst of emailing me a 'please explain'.

After all the excitement I phoned a friend at mX and told her about Lawsy's filth and the shit storm of hard core porn I'd just had to fight my way through. It turned out that hackers had got into his site - couldn't happen to a nicer bloke - and ran as that day's front page, including my colourful quotes.

Next day at work a 'Gold Edition' Hustler Magazine arrived in the mail addressed to me and was promptly opened by the boss. She retrieved the 'please explain' email from her drafts and got back to work.

PS - the mag contained a story about an erotica exhibition at Metro 5 Gallery who I did PR work for, so I survived again...

Where the bloody hell are we?

Would the last person to leave Perth please turn off the lights... oh, they were never on.

I can't believe it. Just when we were acting all grown up, suddenly the blinkers are back on and we're all huddled around the wireless counting our ration coupons again.

Yes indeed, the prospect of Sunday trading has been dealt a lethal blow. Perth, 2 hours and 25 years behind the rest of Australia - the only city where you can't go shopping on a Sunday if that's what you choose to do.

Go on, let's go the whole hog - bring back roster petrol stations, stamp out those pesky supermarkets that dare to stay open beyond 5.30pm, make bottle shops illegal so that we have to run grog in from illicit stills hidden deep in the hills and - most importantly - repeal the daylight savings legislation immediately.

In fact, I say we not only abolish daylight savings, but we go one step further and put the clocks forward by an extra hour! What better than a city that slips under the cover of darkness at 5.30pm and wakes to a new day at 4.00am. We'll be able to water the lawns for hours, take our dogs out to shit in other people's front yards, put in the hard yards on talk back radio, water some more, have dinner at 4.30pm and be tucked up in bed by 6.00pm - bliss!

What the friggen hell is wrong with the idea of deregulated trading hours? It means more work for more people and gives us all an opportunity to do our shopping outside of the restrictive hours that currently exist. My local IGA closes at 5.30pm every week day except Thursday and I am not one tiny bit interested in joining the crowds for 'late night' shopping, or for that matter the mad Saturday supermarket rush.

I think this whole issue has got more to do with the fact that we're so isolated from the rest of the country that we feel the need to be 'different' - it's the old chip on the shoulder syndrome. More of the old 'If it aint broke, don't fix it' mantra.

Perth is acting like a spoilt child stamping its feet, squeezing its eyes shut and screeching its lungs out to avoid the tide of change. NO, we don't need to be like everyone else, but resistance simply for the sake of being 'different' is infantile.

Now before you take me away and start beating me about the kidneys with old phone books, let me just state that I love WA and the lifestyle it offers. All I'm asking is that we start looking more to the future instead of fretting over maintaining the status quo all the time.

Anyway, got to sign off and get back to the lawns...

Bring on Sunday trading

We've done it Perth - we've lived with daylight savings for more than a month now and we're all still alive and kicking! The curtains are coping well, the kids are sleeping like a dream and even the cows have got themsleves sorted.

Granted, many of us have yet to adjust the reticulation timer and there is talk of the odd 'stiffy' making an unwelcome appearance on the morning bus, but even genitalia will get the hang of it eventually. Seriously, this issue was - ahem - raised (chortle...) on talk back radio.

Now we're all big grown ups who have graduated to the 21st Century, but it's not over yet. No siree, now it's time to go the next step... now, don't get too excited, but can we please say YES to extended trading hours. Face it, this is the only city in the western world where you can't go shopping on a Sunday and quite frankly it's an embarrasment.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm no shop-a-holic and I have no intention of trawling the corridors of Myers and DJs 24/7, but I'd like the right to carry out my humble retail excursions at a time that suits me.

For many people Monday to Saturday, 9.00am - 5.00pm with one late night opening is not a viable option. My local 'not so' SUPER market closes an hour before I finish work, so instead I have to travel to another suburb, or pay above the odds at the 'gourmet' grocery, if I want to pick something up on the way home.

Oh sure, there will be those of you out there saying 'enough is enough, why can't we save Sunday as a day of rest and keep the shops closed'. And you'd be the bunch who opposed petrol stations opening seven days a week - remember the frustration of the roster system?

Let's get with the program and clutch these changes to our collective bosoms and then set about even bigger changes like saving water... we live on a sand dune people! And our dams are below 20 per cent capacity. But hey, that's another blog for another time.