A showcase of the worst examples of architecture, design, culture and humanity in Perth Western Australia. Posts may contain adult concepts and occasional coarse language.
Worst Architecture. Guest Post from Master Splinter
For years I’ve lived in hope that the majestic stallions from El Caballo Blanco would come galloping into the old Midland Brick display centre (cnr Scarborough Beach Rd & London St North Perth).It’s begging for it. Would be a shame to see this go, I mean it should remain as a memorial to mighty Midland Brick and what it’s done for Perth, it’s really shaped our city!
Is there really another option to building with brick in Perth? Obviously not…..Ed, maybe you have some ideas for this site. Ok, the cocos palms have to go, but I could see a string of woodfired pizza ovens in those arches (drive-in style!).
Putting aside your well known stallion fantasies for a moment, can I say Ai Ya! Well posted Splinter! To me it looks more like one of those giant sewer interchanges, or one of…
There can be no better example of how street art in Perth has been erased by anodyne civic decoration than the rear of RTR FM’s building in Beaufort Street Mt Lawley – to the extent that almost nobody realises that there is even a difference in concept between say adding brick paving and painting a wall mural. In Perth these are exactly the same things in both intent and effect. Do you spend money on a planter box or a wall mural? In Perth these are interchangeable, or to use a word that has suddenly emerged out of obscurity and into the arts scene fungible.
From inside the RTR studios, presenters may well be suggesting giving communism another go, denouncing the mainstream media, or generally smashing the patriarchy. And how lucky we are to have such an excellent station. I’m listening to it right now. But outside of the studios, the concept that a wall mural could be anything other than bland visual muzak does not even exist in the imagination of the city. And why would it, since there is nothing in the state that shows it’s even possible for public art to be more than boring nothingness?
In the US and elsewhere, murals, good or bad are frequently political and often seething with rage. It is the sad state of affairs that to my knowledge, there isn’t even one single example of this in the whole of Western Australia. None. And this is just here. In other states of Australia art murals have provoked calls to the police and even been forcibly painted out. Not here. Even an alternative radio station commissions and is apparently “chuffed” with a piece of civic decoration (let’s not call it street art) that would not be challenging enough for a kindergarten playground wall.
And can you blame the civic decorators? They, like brick paving layers need to earn money. But can nobody see outside the Perth paradigm? Will nobody have the courage to say to an artist. “I don’t care what you do. Just go for it. I want people to see my building and say “Jesus fucking Christ look at that! Not “meh””. Have artists given up applying because there is no chance of anything with the slightest edge being accepted? Or are only the least challenging decorators ever chosen? All of these are seriously depressing alternatives for Perth’s psyche.
Australia’s obsession with bad art done big continues to run, with country towns across the nation falling over themselves to be part of this embarrassing trend. There are even “Silo Trails”, (or should that be “trials”?) where you can plan a trip based around the intersection of the world’s least imaginative artists with the least imaginative commissioning bodies.
But are they racist? Silo art is, with some (sadly too few) exceptions, overwhelmingly old whitey nostalgia. Backward looking, blinkered, generally barely rising above the level of chocolate box kitsch of a white Australia of early 20th century. Often the topic will be tea towel style paintings of draught horses, shearers, steam trains, or Diggers/slouch hat based works executed with the skills of hack commercial artists pre photoshop. And many of the artists are internationally based! Is it not absurd to get an artist from say Hawaii or Mongolia to come all…
Covid restrictions again struck last week to deny art soaks a Festival of Perth level catering event at John Curtin Gallery. (Everything is True, artist Abdul-Rahman Abdullah). It’s been so long that I barely remember what a mini quiche tastes like. Kind of salty yeah? My artist impression of a FOP tier opening can be contrasted with the reality using the compare slider below. (Thx Pieter Brueghel (the old C.) Imagine the boot of covid stamping on carrot sticks and dips forever. Look at how much space was reserved for trestles for platters! Now? Not.
But apart from rare roast beef and wine from bottles approaching the double figure mark -(retail), how much did you miss? Opening speeches can be a bit tedious, with all the thanking that needs to be done and the acknowledging of sponsors taking up much of the oxygen. Rather than…
Well it’s not better since 2008, in case you were wondering.
When The Worst of Perth started in 2007, did we expect that things would be better a decade and a half later? Did we even think about it, or did we just live and make love in the moment, shoving lotuses up our arses? Or whatever you do with them. Eat them possibly, who knows. You lotus your way, I’ll lotus mine yeah? Here is a spot in Inglewood that I covered in 2008. Could we really have expected that things would get this bad? Imagine, even the predictions of a Cartridge World were wildly optimistic. From a derelict if kitschly charming Chinese restaurant, that became briefly an illegal indoor skate venue. Now there are two fucking murals nearby, including that leaf (or possibly vagina) painter AND a pandemic testing site. No doubt on site dogging after 6pm! I wish I could find the photos, but there were expensive planters with trees added to this maelstrom of worsts announced by some politician. Where are they? Burnt and tagged one expects. At least the TAB is still there as an island of sanity.
Meanwhile the sky is brown from bushfires, and someone informs me that there is a website called Perth is Ok. Jeezus. I mean talk about your vote of confidence. Perth is Okaaaay . I guess. Look at this scene. It’s fucking not OK. And now I know thousands of doggers, and nostalgia lovers flock to The Worst of Perth, for a taste of the past, even though it has been closed for years. But this is now and this is not Ok.
I thought reviving a little The Worst of Perth content for our brave shutins in these desperate times.
Remember when people used to name their boats? Now it’s always just the boring rego number. Why did that cheeky and charming practice end? Oh, yeah. That’s right. And can we not reference a local species, like the err Cunac? Would “Wet Gilgie” have killed them?
It didn’t become apparent until art locusts cleared some of the arancini at John Curtin Gallery last week, that the food boards were art palettes. Art palettes for art palates! If none of the other soaks, tightarses, artists and PIAF guests noticed JCG – WELL I DID. Nice touch. Love to see an edible Blue Poles next time.
Also, and I like to believe as a direct result of this review, the speeches were very much shorter than usual.
You’re welcome fellow art soaks. Just part of the service.
– Although the amount of time that was spent talking about how the speeches were going to be shorter was almost as long as the speeches themselves. Nevertheless…
Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.
Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.
As probably the highlight of the free food and piss art circuit last year, the opening of Lost Eden Creative in Dwellingup almost set too high a standard. Crowds around the hot dog van were so heavy, that the organisers had to desperately throw a Janet Holmes à Court speech in the main space, so that we in the know soaks could slip around the side and grab an artisanal sossie and beaker of Shiraz in relative peace.
Positioning oneself speechwise is the most essential skill of the art freeloader. You hear the click of the mic going on, and you have to quickly make sure – DAMN SURE, that your corridor to the bar is not impeded. At the very least you need to have your glass brimming. Being trapped listening to a speech holding a finger greased empty glass is the sign of a total loser. You’re no art lover that’s for sure.
The catering standard for the current In Our Nature exhibition was as usual high. The choice of the slightly obscure Kirks for the softies was a nice touch too. There are only two downsides to going to an opening at this delightful gallery. One, you need a skipper for the drive back. And two, you have to drive through Kelmscott.
Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.
What would a future Semiotic Anthropologist – (should such unfortunate creatures still exist in the self driving hover-Commodore future being forced upon us), make of this clear, intense, dazzling curation of liquids making up the repast at the latest ArtCollectiveWA exhibition? French brut, blanc de blanc, French water, white wine, – and even the Hahn beerseems to have been chosen for the clear, spartan colour palette of its cans rather than concern for the carb intake of free piss loving Art Soaks.
Is the overwhelming “whiteness” of the fare some comment on the West Australian art scene? Brut and Blanc – Dry and White? Tempting to think so, possibly, but unlikely one would think at an opening. There’s possibly too much going on here to decode it in the present. But you’d be hard pressed, semiotic anthropologist or not, to think that the overwhelming clearness of the liquids was not inversely obscuring some dark, clouded message.
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Carol Rudyard survey, 30 November – 21 December 2019, Cathedral Square, 2/565 Hay Street, Perth, Western Australia 6000
Your Nutrition and Hydration on the Gallery Scene, brought to you by The Worst of Perth.
No catering surprises from an art collective group at Janet Holmes à Court’s West Perth industrial-unchic gallery @ No. 10. But it would be ungracious in any case to expect rare beef noisettes from a self funded group exhibition. But one does wonder how many mini quiches the cost of that string quartet could have funded.
The wine token trend is however a little alarming for veteran art soaks. While you can appreciate a group of amateur artists trying to keep costs down, it would be disastrous if this vile token system was to extend to too many other venues. Imagine, IF YOU CAN, trying to look at portraits of people you don’t care about at The Lester Prize on just two glasses! It’s unthinkable! No. This cannot stand.
As a side note, apparently this precinct in West Perth where galleries such as Stala and HaC’s @no.10 are situated is supposedly to be called “The Pickle District”. Sounds a little try hard, a la George Costanza trying to get nicknamed T-Bone, but there you are. Sadly the dead hands and blunted imaginations of Perth’s mural artists are already descending on the place, and anodyne and boring pieces are going up to spoil the pleasant industrial feeling of this pocket. Can yet another tedious Stormie Mills or even worse a (gulp) Melski be far away? Why don’t we just call the area Little Maylands and be done with it?As soon as you see a wall covered by that guy who paints leaves on everything, you can be assured that the “precinct” is finished as any kind of interesting area. It’s so embarrassing that Perth still thinks that “authorised” street art is cool.
And I’m not calling it the fucking Pickle District either.
Robertson Park Artists Studio exhibition, Holmes à Court Gallery @ no.10, Douglas Street West Perth. Opened 13 November – 5th December.
