Harry Windsor to be next James Bond
A spokesman for the erstwhile prince stated, “this is the obvious next step for Harry. [read...]
MPs awarded minimum wage
The Parliamentary Standards Authority has given in to pressure from MPs and reduced their salary to a more competitive £8.72 an hour. [read...]
Cryogenically frozen customer finally gets through to helpline
A defrosted HSBC customer who rang a helpline in 1971 claims to have finally gotten through to someone. [read...]
Inquiry into ‘Unelected Power’ of No 10’s Larry the Cat demanded by dog group
Conservative Canine group, Bow-wow, has demanded an extraordinary inquiry into the behind-the-scenes power of Boris Johnson’s Downing Street cat – branding it “pussyism”. Larry the Cat appears to enjoy huge influence in the hiring-and-firing of No 10 staff and in policy making, [read...]
Wales no longer the size of Wales
Due to coastal erosion and leakage on Gloucester border, Wales has shrunk from its traditional dimensions, thus becoming an area the size of less than Wales. Instead, Slovenia will now become the standard International Measurement for ‘an area that sounds quite shockingly large but is actually quite small’. [read...]
WHO announces major virus investigation breakthrough: Wuhan is not in China
The Chinese state World Health Organisation has released its findings into the origins of the coronavirus.
Reading from a sheet prepared for him by President Xi Jinping, blindfolded Who mission chief, Peter Ben Embarek, [read...]
30 mph space probe sends back stunning images of traffic cones
An exploration probe sent to map the desolate outer reaches of the galaxy has unexpectedly encountered long lines of traffic cones. Astonished scientists are trying to figure out why there are traffic calming measures in a place where absolutely nothing has happened for billions of years. [read...]
2nd jab essential, in order to update microchips in 1st jab
All those who have had just one vaccination so far are urged to wear masks, keep their computers and smart phones at east 2 metres away from any other device, even when outdoors. Not to use them in pubs, [read...]