0
Passports Now Used Exclusively to Accept Amazon Booze Deliveries
Passports used to be utilised to travel to holiday destinations, to visit relatives or go to business meetings in far flung destinations. [read...]
0
Fourth wave to start on Good Friday, PM decides
Boris Johnson is considering relaxing Coronavirus restrictions over Easter, according to top secret plans published in every newspaper. [read...]
0
All US presidents to be impeached as standard
It’s a record: impeachment articles have been filed on Joe Biden’s 2nd day at work by a Congresswoman who definitely isn’t crazy. [read...]
0
Government deny there is a shortage of vaccine, PPE or excuses
Boris Johnson addressed the nation today to reassure everybody that the decision to change the timing of the second vaccine shot from three weeks as determined by rigorous medical research to twelve weeks, determined by a secret ballot in the Cabinet office, [read...]
0
Married couple use 40 years of growing apart to see them through self-isolation
After one of them returned a positive Covid test the couple, both in their 80s, will use their experience of growing apart over 40 years of marriage to see them through the ten days of self-isolation they are now required to do. [read...]
0
Statues to get vaccine ahead of teachers
The Communities Secretary has signalled that statues of slave owners will be given preference when it comes to council housing, extra UCAS points and they will be first in the line when it comes to the new iPhone. [read...]
0
Northerners to be culled to free up hospital beds
Matt Hancock has announced plans to cull northerners in order to ease the strain on the NHS and ensure hospital capacity is available to treat sick, important Londoners. The move comes on the back of reports that patients had been transferred from over-stretched London hospitals to intensive care as far away as Newcastle, [read...]
0
Every road to be offered grit by September, confirms government
All UK roads will be offered a first dose of grit by September, claims government snowman, Grant Shapps. Speaking to a neighbour at his local petrol station, the Transport Secretary said: “Our target is by September to have offered every road a first dose of grit, [read...]