Donald J. Trump is, BAR NONE, the greatest-ever (and most horse-cocked) President in the entire history of this total disaster of a shithole country called America. Seriously folks, I’m like a million times better than so-called “President” George Washington or that ugly beanpole slave-stealer, Abe Lincoln. (more)
Mike Pence: Vice President
Michael R. Pence is the 48th and current Vice President of the United States, with NO designs on ascending to the Presidency in the wake of a spectacular implosion of the non-cognitively-compromised 45th President of the United States. (more)
Melania® Trump: 1st Lady-NOT-of-Night
Michelle ObamaMelania® is an AmericanEastern Europeanlawyereye-candy and writerborrower of word-things who wasis First Lady-NOT-of-Night of the United States from 20092017 to 2017year lease is up or husband driven from office by Constitution crazies, whichever come first. (more)
Ivanka® Trump: First Lady-Daughter
There have been 45 Presidential penises in US History, but it took Donald Trump’s HUGE anaconda to finally shoot out a perfect “10.” Ask anyone: Ivanka® ranks #1 in hotness when it comes to Presidential offspring. Believe me, even so-called babes like Tricia Nixon and Jenna Bush were total DOGS compared to Ivanka®. (more)
Jared Kushner: #1 Son
President Trump’s Senior White House Advisor is the proud incarnation of Millennial Entitlement. POTUS sees in Jared the most stellar qualities of leadership he sees in himself: an affinity for $10,000 custom-tailored suits, the shiny-faced confidence that comes from using really classy soaps, and more than anything – being a TOTAL Ivanka®-pussy magnet. (more)
Don Jr. & Eric: High-IQ Crotchfruit
Like smoking-hot First Lady-Daughter Ivanka®, these are other children with a taste for pink power ties who are totally NOT trading off their father’s amazingly fabulous and classy name and/or presidency. Follow them both on InstaTwat, where they flaunt their AWESOME gold-plated lives of mansions and private jets—spent knee-deep in bottle-blonde snatch! (more)
Mrs. Mike Pence (Karen): Second Lady
Vice President Mike Pence met the future Mrs. Mike Pence in church. She became the legally wed wife of Mike Pence in 1984. Mrs. Mike Pence successfully gestated Mike Pence’s three children. Now post-menopausal, Mrs. Mike Pence is barren, so needn’t bother arranging the showy, public funerals her husband Mike Pence demands after any miscarriage. (more)
Stephen K. Bannon: EX-NEVER-President
DRUNK SLOB Bannon was born in Norfolk Virginia in 1953 — BUT PEOPLE ARE SAYING HE LOOKS *WAY* OLDER — to a working class family of pro-union, Jack Kennedy-supporting Democrats. Luckily, God Almighty showed him the light, and divinely guided him to violently reject and despise everything his lazy, worthless, failure Dummycrap parents ever stood for. (more)
