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KING DONALD J. TRUMP

Donald J. Trump: America’s most kick-ass President EVER! More famous than dirty hippy Jesus, he’s so fucking classy, he even shits in a SOLID GOLD TOILET. SO BOW & WORSHIP HIS MAGNIFICENT PRIAPIC TUMESCENCE, YOU WORTHLESS PISS-POOR LOSERS!

Standing Up For LAW ENFORCEMENT

THE PRESIDENT: As all my addresses to Joint Sessions of Congress will make abundantly clear: America is, basically, a costume party. If you wear a uniform, you get worshipped -- no questions asked. You can riddle a black teenager, who's begging for mercy, with bullets...

Urgent Appeal Re: Total Disaster Ryancare FAIL

The latest victim of Obamacare’s roving Death Panels? Speaker Paul Ryan’s career! He wasn’t man enough to pass the American Health Care Act. Pussy!

Proclamation: 5 Reasons Why Andrew Jackson Is The 2nd Greatest President Ever

THE PRESIDENT: People come in the Oval Office and ask me, why do you have a boring, old painting of this "Andrew Jackson" fuck? I get their point: It’s not even a Thomas Kinkade! I tell them: “For only one reason: President Bannon is now the Oval Office interior...

Obamacare Horror Story: Dr. Breem’s Lament

ATTENTION PATRIOTS: President Trump will not rest until Obamacare is DEAD; bled out and hanging from the branch of a tree like a freshly bagged cheetah on safari. YOU CAN HELP: Submit your #OBAMACAREHORROR Story @ WHITEHOUSE.ORG/OBAMACARE-HORROR today! ###...

NATIONAL SECURITY: First 100 Days

THE PRESIDENT: On National Security, I have told the generals we will use the expertise of the bouncers at Trump Hotel Moscow to protect all of America's wonderful, important and excellent places. We will #StopBadStuff!!   - @WHITEHOUSE_ORG ###...

Executive Order Repealing Obamacare

“Obamacare” meant Obama himself was using his bare hand to give little
white girls pelvic exams…

Executive Order Greenlighting HUGE Oil Pipelines

All whiny injuns will be bulldozed into their precious sacred rivers, just before they get deluged with…

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President Trump: National Security Savior

I told you, NOBODY knows more about national security than me, folks! So safe! #MAGA - @FantasticPOTUS