Russia Witch Hunt Survey

RUSSIA WITCH HUNT SURVEY

1. When Donald Trump bragged about receiving “a BEAUTIFUL PRESENT” from Vladimir Putin in 2016, that meant…
   NOTHING!
   a really small, worthless gift – like Tic-Tacs or personal integrity.
   one night in a KGB hotel with a few escorts chasing prescription diuretics with warm water. No biggie!
   It’s a diplomatic secret that involved rubbing cortisone cream around an American sphincter.
2. When Donald Trump personally invited Vladimir Putin to the Miss Universe pageant, that meant…
   NOTHING!
   he wanted to meet Dostoevsky and Tolstoy.
   President Trump is aces at setting up bros who love power-grabs (whether of the Crimean Peninsula or asses).
   Whatever, he just loves being around famous people; he even invited that slag Hitlery Clintoon to one of his many weddings.
3. When Donald Trump said, “Russia, if you’re listening, I hope you’re able to find the 30,000 [Hillary Clinton] emails,” that was…
   NOTHING!
   totally the OPPOSITE of treason!
   totally the OPPOSITE of inciting criminal espionage!
   just a funny LOL joke, like when he calls some fat bitch a “pig.”
4. Someone closely connected with President Trump bragged about the DNC hack before any Americans knew because…
   NOTHING!
   A broken clock is always right twice a day.
   Pence laid hands on him (more than once), giving him the Gift of Prophecy.
   The Chinese can never keep a secret!
5. When President Trump asked *total nut job* FBI Director Jim Comey during dinner to “let this go,” he was…
   trying to say “let this go on to its lawful, uninterrupted conclusion” – but he was CUT OFF by that drunk, blabbermouth Comey!
   talking about a dinner roll – they were both reaching for the same buttered Parker House.
   responding to Comey saying, “I’ve taken up the hobby of lying in contemporaneous memos to file!”
   just making a reference to that “Frozen” song, duh!
6. “Obstruction of Justice” is…
   NOTHING!
   FAKE CRIME!
   when a Democrat President dares to think his sex life is private.
   when a Mexican judge is constipated.
7. “The Deep State” is…
   anyone who disagrees with President Trump on anything
   total nerds who care more about that “Constitution” thing than #MAGA in Trump’s image!
   Arizona because it has the Grand Canyon
   a Steve Bannon/Dinesh D’Souza porn screenplay now in pre-production.
8. The “Deep State” hates President Trump because…
   he knows more about their jobs than they do.
   he says their life’s work of serving America is GARBAGE.
   he is so fucking classy.
   he gets all the hot Eastern Bloc pussy they can’t.
9. The Trump Organization had a computer that only communicated with Russia because …
   NOTHING!
   AOL totally sucks now.
   It was the “beautiful present” from dear friend to America, Vladimir Putin.
   This issue is between Donald J. Trump and his God in Moscow.
10. We all know that there was no collusion between POTUS and Russia because POTUS says so, but for the sake of argument, whose fault could this 100% be?
    Jared Kushner (He throws his handsy familiarity with Ivanka in POTUS’ face, OK?)
    Jared Kushner (His father was a crook, so he probably is, too, OK?)
    Jared Kushner (Look, he was the guilty idiot who pushed for Comey’s firing, OK?)
    Jared Kushner (Those people killed Christ! Collusion with rich Russians is peanuts, OK?)
11. Russia is…
    America’s best ally, who only cares about making America great again, da?
    I am a traitor who deserves to find radioactive material in my tea.

STOP THIS WITCH HUNT!