Don Jr. & Eric: High-IQ Crotchfruit

L’il Donnie

Like First Lady-Daughter Ivanka Trump, this is another child with a taste for pink power ties who is totally NOT trading off his father’s amazingly fabulous and classy name and/or his presidency.

Follow L’il Donnie on Instagram, where he flaunts his AWESOME gold-plated life of mansions and private jets, and routinely broadcasts his young children’s private, semi-dressed bedtime moments to millions of uniformly non-creepy, aspirational voyeurs at @DonaldJTrumpJr.

Eric

This one is the younger, less tan version.

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Don Jr. & Eric: High-IQ Crotchfruit

L'il Donnie Like First Lady-Daughter Ivanka Trump, this is another child with a taste for pink power ties who is totally NOT trading off his father’s amazingly fabulous and classy name and/or his presidency. Follow L’il Donnie on Instagram, where he flaunts his...

Stephen K. Bannon: EX-NEVER-President

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Jared Kushner: #1 Son

President Trump’s Senior White House Advisor is the proud incarnation of Millennial Entitlement. Many common morons who lack genius and vision wonder, "What does President Trump see in his anodyne son-in-law Jared Kushner, anyway?" As the greatest-ever POTUS in...

Donald J. Trump: President Apprentice

Donald J. Trump is, BAR NONE, the greatest-ever (and most horse-cocked) President in the entire history of this total...

Mrs. Mike Pence (Karen): Second Lady

Mrs. Mike Pence is a woman. Vice President Mike Pence met the future Mrs. Mike Pence in church. She became the legally wed wife of Mike Pence in 1984. Mrs. Mike Pence successfully gestated Mike Pence’s three children. Later, Mrs. Mike Pence was briefly the Founder...

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Michael R. Pence is the 48th and current Vice President of the United States, with NO designs on ascending to the Presidency in the wake of a spectacular implosion of the non-cognitively-compromised 45th President of the United States. Michael R. Pence was born in...

Melania® Trump: 1st Lady-NOT-of-Night

Michelle Obama Melania® is an American Eastern European lawyer eye-candy and writer borrower of word-things who was is First Lady-NOT-of-Night of the United States from 2009 2017 to 2017 year lease is up or husband driven from office by Constitution crazies, whichever...

Ivanka® Trump: First Lady-Daughter

There have been 45 Presidential penises in US History, but it took Donald Trump’s HUGE anaconda to finally shoot out a perfect “10.” Ask anyone: Ivanka® Trump ranks #1 in hotness when it comes to Presidential offspring. Believe me, even so-called babes like Tricia...