Warning: discussions of sex, sexual behaviours, injury, medical treatments and surgery.
This is a topic that I don’t see discussed often, it’s a very delicate topic. But I’m a sex educator and I think it needs discussing.
Sex advice for intersex people
(This post is relevant to many perisex people also)
Warning: discussions of sex, sexual behaviours, injury, medical treatments and surgery.
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VAGINAL PENETRATION
It’s okay if vaginal penetration in sex/masturbation is impossible or painful for you, this is really common. Please don’t force anything, you can really hurt yourself.
Depending on your sexual development, vaginal dialator sets (when used properly) can help prevent injury, make penetration easier and more enjoyable. This may not be the best option for people with hypo-endocrine issues, so it’s important to consult a sexual health physician(my preference), clinical sexologist or gynecologist.
Remember that penetration isn’t necessary for a fulfilling sexual experience, alone or with a partner, and it is absolutely okay for this to not be a part of your sexual repertoire.
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DELICATE TISSUE AND OVERSTIMULATION
For many intersex people hyper-sensitivity, hypo-sensitivity and delicate skin/membranes can be big a problem. I’ve personally experienced some painful tears. I’m grouping these together because the advice is similar for all of the above.
There are a number of toys that can be better for intersex people than a traditional vibrator or dildo. I personally know several intersex people who have found toys such as the “Satisfyer” clitoral stimulator and some “male” masturbator toys (this includes for folks with a clitoromegaly) to be best in providing stimulation without causing overstimulation, plateau or chafing/tearing. Make sure to use lube and to apply more when it starts to dry.
For many intersex people with foreskins the skin is particularly delicate and microtears may scar leading to phimosis. Make sure you take your time and properly lubricate yourself to minimise microtears.
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PHIMOSIS
Many people develop phimosis, it is not inherently linked to any behaviour and has many causes from simple sexual development, to injury, to eczema.
Treating Phimosis is a personal decision, but it can help to avoid injury, treat pain associated with foreskin retraction, treat some causes of erectile pain and pain associated with penetrative activities.
Some treatments include:
A daily manual retraction routine, this can be benefited by a topical cortico steroid.
There are also surgical options including full or partial circumcision. This is usually considered as an option if other options have been unsuccessful.
There are many treatments available, so talk to a doctor (my consultant of choice is a sexual health physician).
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ERECTILE DIFFICULTIES
It’s very common for intersex people to be unable to achieve an erection or to have difficulty maintaining one. This is normal, ok and doesn’t mean that you’ll be unable to have fulfilling sexual experiences on your own or with a partner/s.
Talk to a sexual health physician about your personal situation, but I’ll address a few options here:
Not engaging in treatment is a legitimate and valid option.
Vibrating toys are often an extremely helpful tool.
Remember that other sexually sensitive activities are options for you, it is healthy to explore your body.
There are practical options such as using rubber rings, these can be used in conjunction with pumps to achieve and maintain an erection. (Consult a physician first as this can cause injury to some people depending on sexual development.)
Pharmaceutical options such as Sildenafil and Tadalafil. (Consult a physician first as this can cause injury to some people depending on sexual development.)
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FOR PERISEX PEOPLE WHEN HAVING A SEXUAL ENCOUNTER WITH INTERSEX PEOPLE.
Please ask us if there is anything you need to know about our bodies. Ask questions, understand our boundaries and make sure your intersex partner feels confident to guide and stop you if needed.
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This is by no means an exhaustive list. Other intersex people are welcome to add to this, but please be very careful if making recommendations as some solutions may be dangerous depending on an individual’s sexual development.
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Please make relevant consultation with a clinical professional who is familiar with intersex sexual health issues.
I recommend sexual health physicians, clinical sexologists, or gynecologist with experience in intersex issues.
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I’ve never seen anybody else write about this, so I have a limited framework in my head of the info the community needs and it’s such a delicate topic. I’ve included advice that past clients and people I know have needed.
