MOD: sex-positive oriented aroace who experiences alterous attraction
(Name:) L.-Lukas (en/em/ens
or he/they); I’m 21+
White, German, able-bodied
Central European Time Zone
HEADER by: bored-moodboards
TERFs FUCK OFF!!
This is positivity for all my a-spec peeps
RadFem FUCK OFF!!
NOT participating in The Discourse™
Queerphobes FUCK OFF!!
So it has been quite some time (around 3 years) since I last told you about who I am. (https://ace-qpr-positivity.tumblr.com/post/161292429992/personal-masterpost-2017-2) The person behind this blog. For the longest time I ran this blog as Mod Tonks, partially due to the wish to distance myself from everything JK Rowling, partially because I found a chosen name that feels right, I recently edited the blog-description.
Asexuals and aromantics are a wonderful part of the bi community! Your bisexuality/biromanticism is not less because of your other identity. You are a whole human being who deserves to be proud of yourself. Try to love each and every part of yourself for me please. If you can't yet, it's okay. I can be there for you every step of your journey to self acceptance.
Even if you don't know it yet, you are enough.
Woo boy, apparently this needs to be said: it is NOT uncommon for aspecs (and other people for various reasons!) to have never dated even though they're in their 30's (or older!).
This isn't unrealistic, it's not infantalizing them, this isn't desexualizing them, this isn't an insult or disgrace. This is just a fact of their (and my) life! It could either be a choice or how they've found things working out due to their sexuality or circumstances. But its not something to degrade or shame anyone over.
For those who have never dated: I see you and you're valid
You say "forcing relationships on characters", I say "trying to find love even in the darkest places while being completely aware that you don't need it to be complete"
Here’s a list of songs originally written with a romantic-like meaning behind it, but the lyrics can be interpreted in a non-romantic (albeit not exclusively aro) manner. Doing this is actually pretty common in the arospec community, whether we consciously know we’re doing it or not!
Niall Horan - No Judgement
Imagine Dragons - Bad Liar
Lewis Capaldi - Someone You Loved
Charlie Puth - One Call Away
One Direction - Fools Gold
Shawn Mendes - Because I Had You
Katy Perry - Never Really Over
That’s not the end of the list, this could go on for ages, really, but that’s just some aro-related stuff I wanted to share! I never really noticed how often I interpreted romantic songs in a no-romo way until now...
What do you mean, you can feel romantic attraction? I can't imagine that, sounds fake.
Is that like a thing you found on the internet?
Maybe you're just confused, are you sure you can feel it?
Gosh, that must be so sad for you. Your life will be full of heartbreak and illusion.
You need someone to complete you? Idk man, that sounds weird.
You can't possibly live a fullfilling life like this.
I want old aros so badly. I want a history. I want a future. I want tales of lives that I understand. I want to see myself in a future where I’m happy and comfortable.
But I don’t have that, so I’ll have to build it.
I’ve got a story!
When I told my grandmother’s friend group about aromanticism most of them didn’t understand, they were polite and asked a lot of questions, some didn’t really believe it bc well, people in their 70s are rarely that open minded; but there was this one lady that looked pensive and when the others quieted down she asked me if the name for it had existed long, and when I said no she told me about her best friend:
A 74 year old woman who had married young, back when my country was in a fascist dictatorship and women couldn’t have/make their own money, so their only hope was marriage. They lived together years, and I’m not sure if they had children, but as soon as it was legal for her to divorce she did, and, living in a small town, she faced her neighbours’ questions and judgement: Was he a bad husband? Did he cheat or treat her badly? Was it the other way around? He wasn’t “man enough”? And many less nice things.
Her answer to all of them was that her now ex husband was a wonderful man, and that they’d remain friends as they’d always been, because on her side that’s all there could be, because she didn’t find it in herself to love, not him nor any man or woman, but still cared deeply for him as she did for all her friends.
She now lives happily in retirement, traveling around the country with her friends, ex husband included, and also has a cat.
When the lady told me this she sounded doubtful at first, afraid she was appropiating but when I told her that the experience sounded like those on our community she looked so happy, and kindly asked me to write down the terms and what they mean on a paper so she could show her friend when she went back home, tell her that she wasn’t alone that there were more people who had united and have a name and are fighting to be recognised.
That day I realised something: That there are more of us than we know about, that in this age of information many of the older generation were still estranged from the net and among them there are aromantic people too. And that for those people who have probably felt other and wrong most of their lives, the knowledge of the label and community, the confirmed existence of others like them that feel it’s important enough to recognise that feeling or lack thereof, can be just as healing, reassuring and important as it was for us, the newer generation who stumbled upon the term on the internet when we were teens.
The internet is great, of course, but if we want to find the older aros de have to look for them, because they most surely haven’t found themselves in that label yet either. And to do so we must share our terms and experiences and shout to the world that we exist outside the screens, that we are real. I know it can be risky or even dangerous but if we wish to find them, and hopefully make them a bit happier, it’s all we can do.
TL,DR: There are old aros out there, we just have to find them by spreading our visibility, not only for us, but for them too.
this makes me so happy to hear! thank you for sharing
hey yeah can u put ur pronouns on ur blog
i love y’all and want to talk about you to my friends but i don’t want to misgender u
PSA - Normalise listing pronouns in bios and blog descriptions/summaries!
Cis? List your pronouns. Binary trans? List your pronouns. Non-binary trans? List your pronouns. Genderqueer? Pronouns, baby! You don’t have a gender? Well, you probably have pronouns; list those pronouns!
While we are at it let‘s normalise he/they women, she/they men, support she/he non-binaries, support it/its folks, also neo-pronouns/emoji-pronouns are up for grabs for everyone!
