so none of yall know what a friend group is apparently
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the notes on this are depressing as hell u got all these people saying that this isnt friendship because friends are just people u go out to drink with on weekends and living with people and planning ur life with them in it is more than friendship. damn im really sorry none of u have ever experienced friendship in ur lives and need to make up new terms to describe genuinely caring about people
All terms are made up, but that is beside the point.
The terms “platonic” and “polyamorous” have been used to describe complex relationships between people before any of us were alive. They’re not new terms at all. The individual here is simply taking existing concepts to describe their ideal relationship. I don’t know why that’s so disturbing or depressing to you.
For many people, friendship is defined as two individuals spending quality time with one another. That could involve going out for drinks on the weekend, but rarely involves a long term commitment as described above. Friendships often become secondary to romantic commitments and/or marriages.
The majority of my friends are in committed romantic relationships and/or they are married. They feel obligated to their partners first and foremost, as is their right to be. In addition, our society puts an incredible value on heterosexual partnerships between two individuals above any kind of friendship.
The individual above is describing a commitment between multiple individuals to a platonic relationship. By commitment, they are referring to taking on some of the same responsibilities as one would in a marriage or long term partnership. That is not the same thing as being in a “friend group.”
I continue to have “friend groups” in and outside of work and school. We may be there for each other when we need to be. We may have a lot of fun together. We care about each other. However, we don’t live our lives like a marriage. We are not always together, either – and that’s okay.
That’s not what the individual above is describing, though. They are using existing terminology which encapsulate very specific experiences in order to express a desire for a specific type of relationship that cannot otherwise be explained using your preferred terminology… (i.e. “friend group”)
…because what you are describing has little to do with their conceptualization of a platonic polyamorous relationship. You are describing expectations you have in a friendship. They are describing a committed relationship wherein resources are shared between multiple individuals.
You might own or rent housing with a friend, but you might not be committed to doing so forever. You might make decisions and share resources with a friend. You might be there for a friend in desperate times. That doesn’t mean you are committing to them as a partner.
…and if it comes to a point where you and a friend or friends are involved long term in each other’s lives to the point where you desire to commit yourselves to one another, then that’s perfectly fine – you may choose to still call it a friendship, but you may also want to call it something more fitting.
Given the societal perception on what a friendship should entail, people might need a term that goes beyond “friendship” to describe their relationship(s) but that does not fall under sexual or romantic labels. Otherwise, “friendship” can be interpreted as “a person I go out and get drinks with on the weekend”
And that’s it.
For those in committed platonic relationships, polyamorous or not, they might not be content with people thinking that about them. They may also want to differentiate between friendships and committed relationships. It’s their personal business, and it’s not sad that they’d want to do this.
I care about my friends, but I do not have a platonic polyamorous relationship with any of my friend groups. That’s not what we have and it’s not sad that our friendship doesn’t look like that, because a platonic polyamorous relationship doesn’t hold the same exact meaning as “friendship.”
Stop freaking out over it and let people live.
tl;dr – words are meaningful; you can cry about it without making judgments about other people’s desires and life choices
reblog for the comment directly above because its a great breakdown
THANK YOU.
I have friends. And I am in a committed platonic relationship.
They are not the same thing.
My friends and I see each other when we can. Sometimes it’s virtual. Sometimes it’s in person (more so before this whole quarantine thing but even then it wasn’t always frequent–sometimes we’d go weeks or even months between visits because that’s how adult life works).
On the other hand, my partner and I own a house, a car, and six cats together. We’ve lived together for over 11 years. At one point we were engaged, more because it felt expected of us than because it felt right (largely because of pedantic people like the ones in this thread who insist that you’re either romantically involved or you’re “just friends” but that there’s no in-between).
But there is an in between. We live there. We exist in a perfectly lovely, perfectly valid in-between that is no more or less than friendship or romance, but that does not fit neatly into either one, and you know what? I’m tired of people deciding that just because it doesn’t make sense to them that it must not be “real” or we must be just “special snowflakes” because we can’t just call what we have “just friendship.”
We don’t call it that because that’s not what it is, at least not the way you want it to be. It’s not romantic either, though, and that’s also fine.
But it exists, and I’m tired of people saying it doesn’t just because they don’t understand it.
Qpr rights
QPR RIGHTS
QPR RIGHTS
It does annoy me when people say shit like “oh, aroace kids aren’t real aroaces, they’re just late bloomers.”
Because like, speaking as someone who could technically be considered a “late bloomer”, kids know when they’re different from their peers. Kids talk to people and they notice when they have a mismatch in experiences with other people. And if a gay or bi kid could have always known all their life, if childhood crushes are a thing a number of people go through, I think it can be safe to say that it’s also plausible for someone to have known they were aroace all along.
Same goes for aces who aren’t aro and aros who aren’t ace. Preteens and teenagers can tell when they’re experiencing crushes differently from what’s considered normative. And it can be very alienating if you find your experiences fall outside the norm.
Like, I trust that aroace kids and aces who aren’t aro and aros who aren’t ace know their own life experiences the best, and can decide which labels suit them. And if it turns out they were just a late bloomer? Good for them, they found who they were! But the existence of late bloomers doesn’t mean that ace and aro kids can’t tell who they are.
I’m currently 21, aroace, and I knew I wasn’t experiencing attraction like the other kids were in Kindergarten.
It’s absolutely possible for aspecs to have known all their lives!
I’m one of them as proof! But because I didn’t have the terminology I ended up convincing myself I had to be allocishet. And because of that, I was 17 when I finally unlearned everything I had internalized and began to accept myself as aroace. So I’m really happy that kids have the terminology so early and feel the freedom to use those labels for themselves. I wish I had that in Kindergarten — to know that I wasn’t alone and there were other people out there like me.
I want a world where kids are freely able to identify as any aspec identity at any age. Some will turn out to be late bloomers, and they can change their labels as they see fit with no shame. Some others will never feel attraction and always keep those labels, like me. And still others will eventually feel attraction but still be somewhere on the ace-spectrums and/or aro-spectrums, and can choose whether they want to use specific grey-area labels or continue to use aromantic and/or asexual as umbrella terms.
i really love being someone who studies history on tumblr because the way some people talk about history on here is fucking WILD and hearing history discussed with tumblr terminology will never not be hilarious to me. there’s absolutely no nuance on this site and i love it. one time i got a message asking me if julius caesar ever did anything problematic and i think about it every single day of my life
HOLD UP HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS
was gonna leave my comment in the tags but tbh i’m silent enough about this as it is.
seeing stuff like this is so upsetting because these terms were well known and widespread in the ace community but because of exclusionists many people stopped using terms like this because they felt uncomfortable and unsafe.
i loved these terms when i was in highschool, i loved the feeling of community, but i lost that because i didn’t feel comfortable openly and proudly calling myself asexual.
they’ve hurt so many people and damaged our community badly and i will never forgive them for that. we deserve to use our own terminology and feel safe within our community.
HOLD UP HOW WAS I NOT AWARE OF THIS
was gonna leave my comment in the tags but tbh i’m silent enough about this as it is.
seeing stuff like this is so upsetting because these terms were well known and widespread in the ace community but because of exclusionists many people stopped using terms like this because they felt uncomfortable and unsafe.
i loved these terms when i was in highschool, i loved the feeling of community, but i lost that because i didn’t feel comfortable openly and proudly calling myself asexual.
they’ve hurt so many people and damaged our community badly and i will never forgive them for that. we deserve to use our own terminology and feel safe within our community.
sometimes i notice i haven’t seen “grace” (grey-ace) in a while and consequently wonder if i made it up.
I remember ppl - even other ace ppl - saying the card suit thing was “cringey” and “straight ppl aren’t gonna take us seriously” (sounds familiar?) So i guess the community wound up abandoning it. We were also having severe issues at the time with aces being stereotyped as “childish/immature” for associating things like cake, dragons, and space with asexuality, plus in general as most aces just don’t “get” allosexual things in media and irl. We were starting to be viewed as ignorant, virginal, childish, losers, etc. I haven’t seen an ace-cake thing in a good while now.
This was the infancy of exclusionary influence on us. I didn’t realize it did more damage than just closeting us. Whole symbols and terms have been lost. Community has been lost.
I remember three-four years ago I got myself into the ace community on Insta, and I came across these terms. People in these circles would talk about cake, space, dragons, and the black ring on the middle finger. Then, a year or two later, ace content fizzled out (I thought it was Insta’s algorithm figuring out that I knew all this and didn’t bring me the old stuff) and young aces had no idea what any of these were - including the black ring. Finding out young aces had no idea what the black ring meant nearly snapped my heart in two - I proudly wore the black ring, I drew characters with it, and it was my quiet way of communicating to others what my sexuality was. I was baffled at the lack of knowledge - and it turns out that exclusionists got their hands into our community and snuffed us out.
Anyways, we need to bring this back. I thought the card suite thing was cool, it taught people the different ways people can experience attraction, I loved making jokes about preferring cake, I loved wearing the black ring and talking about it with my fellow queer people at my highschool QSA club.
I’m sorry, people don’t know about the cake or ring anymore? I remember being welcomed with spams of cake gifs, photos, and MS Paint drawings. I also distinctly remember that the block solo ring in the midle was meant as reference to the Ace of Spades (black, solo, middle of card). Only thing I didn’t know was that other aces could represent a more refined nuance. Let’s see if we can get this all rolling again.
Welcome to anyone who is interested in helping with the culture revival.
Every pirate:
So glad I browsed the reblogs otherwise I would have missed this gem.
What are we doing for New Years this year, Brain?
The same thing we do every year, Pinky. Sit on the couch in pyjamas watching movies and eating snacky dinner.