No need to comment on the current events. Things are bad and they’re about to get worse. Short post tonight too. I wanted to write a bit more but every time I try to my chest starts to feel like it’s about to cave it. Panic attacks are fun.

Anyways, here’s more Madonna. Sorry it’s not better Madonna. That’ll come soon.

Madonna
Keep It Together (Single Remix)
Keep It Together (12″ Remix)
Keep It Together (12″ Mix)
Keep It Together (12″ Extended Mix)
Keep It Together [Instrumental]
Hanky Panky (Bare Bones Single Mix)
Hanky Panky (Bare Bottom 12″ Mix)

“Keep It Together” is my least-favorite single from Like A Prayer. Let’s be real, it just can’t compete with that album’s title track, “Express Yourself,” or “Cherish.” And I might be in the minority here, but I even prefer the tragic “Oh Father” and the charming “Dear Jessie” (an underrated tune) to the bassy, 90s deep funk vibe of “Keep It Together,” a sound that has not aged very well for me, perhaps because I wasn’t a very big fan of it in the first place aside from some of the stuff that Janet Jackson was doing at the time.

That’s not to say it’s a bad song. Low-tier late-80s Madonna is still high-tier pop music, it’s just not my go to jam. Good remixes though. And if, unlike me, you dig the heavy bass sound of this track then I got good news for you, because these are hella bassy. In quarantine? Crank up your apartment’s woofer and drive your fellow isolating neighbors bonkers.

Now, for “Hanky Panky”….boy, this song, huh? It’s always weird when swing jazz makes its way to the pop charts. Feels like a fluke. It’s certainly a move that only an established artist can ever get away with. And let’s be clear, Madonna really didn’t get away with it here. Sure, the song did okay on the charts but when you compare it to other singles from this time, including “Vogue,” it didn’t make the same splash and it certainly didn’t have the same kind of staying power. Still, as songs about getting your ass slapped go, it’s good enough. I’m certainly happy that she went with a retro-jazz vibe for the tune and not an overly seriously, heavy R&B vibe that she would embrace with Erotica. “Hanky Panky” is a song about a fetish, albeit a rather tame one, but it’s certainly not a sexy song. It’s a goofy song. Because singing about how you get off on getting your behind beat is inherently goofy. Trying to make it sexy would just make you sound like Meghan Trainor or something.

Enjoy the spanking song. Just remember to wash your hands before (and after) you smack it.

I wrote half a post earlier this week, but things are changing so fast in Tokyo that it all became instantly irrelevant so I had to start over today. Teach me for procrastinating.

I had no reason for putting off that post, I just didn’t have the motivation I guess. Self-isolation, even with someone (my boyfriend is at my place, riding this out with me) can be draining. I moved to Tokyo because it seemed like a city with endless things to do. Each day brought upon it a new adventure, exploring the various nooks and crannies to find new and exciting places (that hopefully had good record stores). But in the course of the past two weeks, I’ve left my apartment three times. One was for a late night walk alone in a relatively deserted place, another was for an emergency grocery store run with my boyfriend. The third was a short trip across the street to a vending machine, panic buying a mountain of Coca-cola and Dr. Pepper. I try not to drink that much soda, but with everything going on, one unhealthy habit had to resurface, so I chose that one. At least I’m still able to workout at home thanks to my Ring Fit. I don’t know what I would be doing without that – probably getting mad fat. I’m used to walking about 13,000 steps a day. I don’t even want to look at my phone’s pedometer now. My steps are probably in the double digits. My world has shrank to an area about a quarter of the size of a city block. Apartment, supermarket, vending machine. That’s it.

I think this wouldn’t feel so emotionally draining if I thought that I wasn’t in it alone, but the people of Tokyo really haven’t seemed to grasp the severity of the impending situation, and the indescribable importance of isolating oneself. As of this writing, there are less than 250 reported cases in Tokyo. Now, Japan is still not doing the level of testing that is recommended by the WHO, but it’s still apparent that the virus has not really taken hold in this city yet. There just aren’t that many people who are obviously ill, and hospitals seem to be managing the ones who are just fine. That is all the more reason why isolation is important now. Before things get bad, before there is a spike in cases, people need to stay the fuck home so the virus can’t spread among those who appear to be healthy, but are harboring the virus without showing any symptoms.

A mandatory, one-to-two-week lockdown would do so much to flatten the curve and save lives. But for whatever reason, both the Tokyo government and Prime Minister Abe refuse to take that step. Instead, both issued what they called strong recommendations for people to stay home. That was it. No other action was taken. Some shops did follow the advice and have shuttered their doors this weekend, but others remained open. And while some of the most popular cherry blossom viewing spots were closed to the public, Twitter and Instagram were still full of new pics by idiots eager to take photos of the blossoms, rushing to them like moths to the flame.

Even the national news was contributing to the problem, showing a forecast of the cherry blossoms and explaining that this weekend, the weekend of the “strongly recommended” stay-at-home request, was the absolute best time to see them. NHK is owned by the government. The fact that they can’t stay on message is a travesty.

It did snow today, a lot. And it wasn’t a fun light snow that makes the cherry blossoms all the more beautiful, it was some straight-out-of-Ohio nightmare slush shit. That probably did more to keep people indoors than any government request. However, that’s only one day, and the government request was only for the weekend. Starting tomorrow, businesses will be open as usual, people will be going to work. Nothing will change. A weekend is not enough, it was a futile gesture. It’s hard now to look at the terrifying news coming out of New York City and not imagine that Tokyo will be under similar conditions in just two weeks time.

The company I teach for remains open. I am refusing to go in because the danger in doing so is apparent. It’s a private school with one-to-one lessons in confined spaces. It’s the absolute worst place to be right now. But they keep trying to justify it, to rationalize it. They say it’s safe. They’re providing masks and hand sanitizer. They’re making sure students who don’t feel well have to go home. Whatever. It’s not enough. I’m just waiting for the inevitable notice that my school will be forced to shutdown due to an instructor (or 20) getting sick. And my company will say that it was entirely unpreventable. And that will be a lie.

Sorry if all of that was redundant of my last few posts and/or depressing. It’s just where I am right now.

Sigh. Let’s listen to some Madonna.

Madonna
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Wet Dream Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Dreamy Drum Dub)
Bedtime Story (Orbital Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Sound Factory Mix)
Bedtime Story (Junior’s Single Mix)
Madonna save us in this time of great duress.

All of these are taken from a CD single, part of my massive haul from a few days back. Again, I think I posted these eons ago, but they were vinyl rips and these sound better.

“Bedtime Story” has aged very well, it has that 90s trip-hop alternative-dance thing going on, but in all the right ways, especially when compared to some other tracks on that album. This single also has “Survival,” and that’s some hella generic 90s white girl RnB. This has a vibe to it that was unique at the time and remains unique still. If you’re reading this blog, then you probably know this already, but this song was co-written by Björk, and it still totally sounds like it. I wish mid-90s Björk and mid-90s Madonna would’ve collaborated more. Hell, I wish both of them would’ve collaborated more with other artists at the time. I also wish that Madonna and Orbital did more work together. Their mix here is the real standout, even better than the excellent Junior Vasquez ones. When Madonna hooked up with William Orbit, she chose the wrong Orb-monikered dance act. She should’ve stuck with Orbital, or gone with The Orb (man that would’ve been rad).

Anyways, drown yourself in music, whiskey, video games, or whatever the hell is getting you through this latest chapter in our stupid apocalypse. Hope that it gets better for those in need, and worse for the bastards in charge.

And here’s hoping Abe and Trump are forced to lick Boris Johnson’s infected eyeballs.

Hi. How you doing.

Yup.

I thought I would use this space to write a bit about what life is like in Tokyo right now, because with the utterly disastrous situations unfolding across most of Europe, America, and, well, pretty much the rest of the world, news about Japan has fallen a bit to the wayside.

Shit here is just weird.

There’s been no massive outbreak here, no pandemic conditions. Very little panic. About a month ago they closed all the schools and theme parks, postponed all the concerts and delayed all the major sporting events. Masks have been very hard to come by, as has toilet paper (Japan was the first country to start that unnecessary bit of hoarding, always the trendsetters). As an English instructor at a major English conversation school, I haven’t been at work all month. Thankfully, I’m still getting paid, and even if I wasn’t, I’m very fortunate financially so I don’t have that issue to really worry about.

But other than that, nothing changed. Stores are all still open. A few have cut down their hours, but most haven’t. Most people still aren’t telecommuting, so the trains are all packed. Restaurants and bars are always crowded. The streets are only less crowded because of the lack of tourists. Life is just going on as normal, seemingly oblivious to the massive human tragedy and economic depression that is gripping what feels like every other person and every other country on the planet.

And the calm here might be completely unfounded! The government still has not ramped up testing to a degree that most experts find satisfactory. No one knows how many people are really sick. As of this writing, there have been only 1,670 confirmed cases of the coronavirus here in Japan, and over 700 of them were from that damn cruise ship. That sound great, and it is when compared to other countries. But only 14,000 people (at most) have been tested since the beginning of February! So who the hell knows how many people have actually gotten sick. Now, a lack of testing can’t hide dead bodies, so Japan obviously isn’t covering up an exceptionally dire situation, but how can anyone know what appropriate actions should be taken when we can’t get a clear number regarding how many people are sick?

Like I said, I haven’t been working for the entirety of March. In the beginning of the month, I treated it mostly as a vacation. There were very few cases in Japan, and the situation in most other countries wasn’t bad either. I went record shopping, had friends over for pizza and movies, drank a lot of whiskey, and so on. But since the explosion of cases in America and Europe, I feel that it’s best to practice everyone’s new favorite pastime of 2020, social distancing. I’m not going to crowded areas. I’m avoiding the train. I even stopped going to record stores.

I. Stopped. Going. To. Record. Stores.

If that doesn’t help explain to you the seriousness in which I am taking this, nothing will.

But while I’ve radically changed my behavior in hopes of keeping myself and others healthy in the ever increasing odds of a full-on explosion of cases here, I seem to be the only one. Again, stores have not closed. People are not telecommuting. Restaurants are still open. We’re in the middle of a three-day weekend now, and it’s also cherry blossom viewing season. While the government has prohibited picnics at several of the most high-profile spots. People can visit those places. And they are. En masse. And there are several other, huge, parks that don’t have any restrictions at all. Over the next two weeks, tens of thousands of people will congregate in these places and spend long periods of time together in close spaces, sharing drinks and food.

And now my employer has said that I’m supposed to return to work next week. Despite the fact that cases have yet to peak, despite the fact social distancing is the best way to reduce outbreaks, despite the fact that the threat is very far from over, they decided that it’s time for me to go back to work. Their messaging has been atrocious every step of the way and they have done nothing to make me feel like my workplace is a safe environment. As an immigrant, I don’t know my options here. I don’t know what happens to my visa if I quit. I don’t know if they can fire me. It’s equally confusing and terrifying.

I don’t have to return right away. In a strange coincidence, I got sick in an entirely unique way. While everyone else is afraid of a potentially deadly viral infection, my body decided by all hipster about it and give me a life-threatening bacterial infection. About a week ago I noticed a lump in my armpit, a few days later it swelled up to the size of a golf ball and hurt like hell, followed by red streaks on my arm. Somehow my lymph node got a bacterial infection. The doctors were so concerned about it when they saw it that they immediately injected me with a round of antibiotics, and had me come back for a second injected dosage before giving me an additional week of pills. That gives me a legit excuse to avoid work, but only for a week at most. I have no idea what I’ll do after that.

As to be expected, this is all giving me quite a bit of anxiety. And, as it should go without saying, I’m also being kept up at night with thoughts of my friends and family back in other countries, where the odds of infection are much higher. I say this should go without saying, but whenever I mention that I actually have worries and concerns about other human beings, a lot people seemed shocked at that. People are selfish sociopaths it seems.

So yeah, I got my own health problems, the possibility of becoming infected with a potentially deadly virus, thoughts of the economic impact of the pandemic, the uncertainty of the future of my job and visa, and the safety of my friends and family all running through my mind. I’m freaking out. I don’t know what to do. I’m losing my mind.

But, hey, before shit really hit the fan I managed to buy 33 Madonna CD singles and some 7″ singles too. So…yay?

Madonna
Angel (7″ Version)
Angel (Dance Remix)
Angel (Dance Remix Edit)
I’m trying to avoid using the trains right now because, well, duh. But as I said before, before things really started to get real, I was still going out a bit. I was just walking. It wasn’t that big a change for me actually, I try to walk about 13,000 steps a day. One day I decided to trek up to Coconuts Disk in Ekoda. It’s one of my top five record stores in Tokyo. Every time I go there I end up buying some weird prog LP, an awesome Japanese pop record on CD, and even the occasional tape. This trip was no different, in addition to snagging that rad Star Trek cover I shared a while back, I also managed to find the Japanese 7″ single for “Angel.”

While I’ve been an avid Madonna collector for nearly 20 years now (hi I’m gay), I only recently starting diving into 7″ collecting. They don’t always interest me, to be honest. I mostly collect singles for the remixes. That’s why I’m so into 12″ singles, they almost always have the most and best remixes, with CD singles often a close runner-up. Seven inch singles usually don’t have anything all that different aside from the radio remix, which, let’s be real, usually aren’t that different. But for those of you who really dig 7″ remixes, here you go. Enjoy the minute differences!

But the 7″ for “Angel” does have one rarity of note, an edit of the dance remix. While the full-length dance remix made its way to a few different formats over the years, I think that the 7″ edit of said remix was exclusive to the 7″ single. I could be wrong. I’m wrong a lot.

I know that the proper full-length dance remix was on CDs because the rip I’m sharing right now is from one of those CDs. If you got the dance remix from my blog eons ago, redownload it now. The CD rip sounds better, as CD rips are want to do. I found this CD at Recofan in Shibuya, another amazing store. When I saw on Twitter that they were having a sale on Madonna CD singles, I made the decision to walk all the way there and back, nearly 20,000 steps. Not gonna let something like social distancing stop my gay ass from getting my Madonna, motherfuckers.

I’m very stressed and recently bought a boatload of Madonna. Listening to Madonna makes me feel better. Expect more Madonna next week.

Stay safe out here. If your boss wants you to go to work in a pandemic kick them in the groin.