The Art of the Vulture
We all like a bargain, don’t we? I do. Mrs P too. And when it comes to the weekly shop, we know where and when to find them. There’s an art to getting the best bargains. There’s two stores in particular that discount hard, as products reach their Sell By date. A Waitrose and a Marks & Spencer, both a short drive from home. Not all branches of these supermarkets are so drastic with their discounting. Just these two stores in particular.
There’s a real art to getting the best deal. We’re never alone. We see the other bargain hunters there, circling the employee and his/her food trolley like vultures. We’re all trying to be discreet. But we’re ready. When the goods hit the shelf, it’s every man and woman for him or herself. Mrs P and I operate as a slick, well oiled machine. She blocks off competitors with the trolley while I put my long arms and clutching fingers to good use.
Grab what you can. You can always put it back if you don’t want it. Sometimes you’ll end up buying some weird new product that you’d never have otherwise tried. Other times you get lucky and find a much loved treat. Yesterday we did good. The basket tells the story. Tonight we dine on the Indian Meal for Two box, which isn’t priced in the photo. We got it for half price.
In some ways, this is a tricky story to tell whilst retaining a sense of dignity and self respect. Mrs P and I are not a step away from having to rely on food banks. Yes, we love a bargain. But we’re largely in it for the game. It’s like a safari hunt, but with a trolley instead of a gun. We do laugh and mock ourselves as we prepare to swoop. Sometimes I will wave my arms in vulturish fashion and screech as we approach the corner of the aisle, moving in for to feast on the carrion.
Last Christmas I got the M&S hunt version of the Big Five in one swoop. Ten packs of their best fresh Scottish smoked salmon, reduced from £15 each to £1.50 each. We still have one last pack in the freezer. Sometimes when we return we realize that we need just one more thing. A bigger freezer. Perhaps we should invest. A freezer full of frozen bargains might come in handy when the famine arrives.
August is going to be a great month for bargain hunters like us, without having to do so much work. The government have launched an Eat Out to Help Out campaign, whereby they pay for half the cost of a meal in most restaurants on Mondays, Tuesdays and Wednesdays for the whole month. And Amex have launched a Shop Small campaign, whereby I will receive £5 back for every £10 spent in small qualifying shops, up to ten purchases in total. I’ll make the most of it…