My Top 10 All-Time Favorite Tracks

Subject to change without notice

1. You Don’t Bring Me Flowers (Liberace)
2. Teen Spirit (Ragnar Bjarnason)
3. What is this Thing Called Amway?
4. Eminem vs. Ragtime (Uncensored)
5. Pork Chops
6. If (Telly Savalas)
7. Mr. Ed (Ralf Paulsen)
8. Thought for Today (Ceasar Romero)
9. Eres Tu (Jimmy Mitchell)
10. Darth Vader’s Theme (Ukelele)

The Mr. Blackwell Show

Nine tuneless tracks from this monstrosity

Overture
Whatever Happened to Women?
Let Your Hair Down
‘In Hollywood’ Ballet
Society is Not My Cup of Tea
Mannequin Walk
That’s Camp
‘Oh to Angela’ Ballet
Another Closing, Another Show

oyTunes

Put some oyTunes on your oyPod already

Shalom Alechem (Meshugga Beach Party) From Twenty Songs of the Chosen Surfer (2.5 MB)
Afikomen Mambo (Rabbi Joe Black) (1.6 MB)
Crazy Jew Rap (unknown) (1.6 MB)
Far From the Home I Love (The Barry Sisters) (1.9 MB) This is just so wrong
Hava Nagila (Johnny Puleo and his Harmonica Gang) (2.3 MB)
Hidigga Dig Dig Dum (The Chai Lo’s) (3.4 MB) Yes, that’s me and my friend Roy
How Much is that Pickle in the Window? (Mickey Katz) (3.1 MB)
Knish Doctor (Mickey Katz) (3 MB) Trivia: Mickey Katz is Joel Grey’s father
Kosher Disco (Benny Bell) (2.6 MB)
Matzoh Ball Soup (Sllim Gaillard) (1.7 MB)
Pincus the Peddler (Benny Bell) (3 MB)
Satisfaction (Sam Chaplin) (2.1 MB) From My Father, The Pop Singer
Stayin’ Inside (2 Live Jews) (1.3 MB)
The Muppets Theme (Hebrew) (1.4 MB)
Matzoh Number 5 (Lou Bagel) (241.5 K)
Throw the Jew Down the Well (Borat Sagdiyev) (2.4 MB)

German Covers

Wetten das?

Fever (Anita Lindblom) (3.09 MB)
Tiny Bubbles (Anita Lindblom) (2.12 MB)
Sympathy (Marvin Gaye) (2.95 MB)
Radio Gaga (Ensemble Kolner Musical Dome) (3.38 MB)
Rock Me Amadeus (FMA) (3.75 MB)
Super Trouper (Carolin Fortenbacher, Jasna Ivir) (3.55 MB)
Bonanza (Ralf Paulsen) (381.1 K)
Downtown (Petula Clark) (527.3 K)
I Walk the Line (Johnny Cash) (461 K)
I Want To Hold Your Hand (The Beatles) (296.1 K)
Mein Girl (The Temptations) (498 K)
Mr. Ed (Ralf Paulsen) (354.2 K)
Oh Susanna (Gus Backus) (354.4 K)
Rapper’s Delight (G.L.S. United) (456.4 K)
San Francisco (Ralf Paulsen) (498.2 K)
She Loves You (The Beatles) (273.8 K) Ja, ja, ja
Spongebob Schwammkopf (649.7 K) Spongebob uber alles
Sugar (2.2 MB)
The Coffee Song (Hildegarde Knef) (1.8 MB)
The Wall (Vierzhen Stein) (10.4 MB)
Town Without Pity (Gene Pitney) (505.8 K)
We Didn’t Start the Fire (3.5 MB)
Where Did Our Love Go (The Supremes) (437.5 K)
Wishin’ and Hopin’ (Dusty Springfield) (518.8 K)
Surrey with the Fringe on Top (Marlene Dietrich) (3.25 MB)
Walk on By (Dionne Warwick) (2.54 MB)
I Only Want To Be With You (Dusty Springfield) (2.56 MB)
The Summer Wind (Little Peggy March) (3.22 MB)
Peppermint Twist (Caterina Valente & Silvio Francesco) (3.22 MB)
Let’s Get Together – from The Parent Trap (Lill-Babs & Peter Alexander) (3.8 MB)
Shock the Monkey (Peter Gabriel) (5.31 MB)
Total Eclipse of the Heart (8.67 MB)
I Want to Go Home (Beach Boys) (1.98 MB)
California Sun (Beach Boys) (1.55 MB)
Barbara Ann (Beach Boys) (1.50 MB)
Memphis, Tennessee (2.01 MB)
Vaya con Dios (Connie Francis) (4.09 MB)
Delilah (Peter Alexander) (3.04 MB)
In My Room (Beach Boys) (2.10 MB)
Never on Sunday (Lale Andersen) (2.64 MB)
Quando, Quando, Quando (Peter Alexander) (2.97 MB)
Guantanamera (Manuela) (3.60 MB)
Too Much Time on My Hands (Juliane Werding) (6.13 MB)
Itsy Bitsy Bikini (1.99 MB)
Surf City, Here We Come (1.83 MB)
What’s up, Pussycat? (Erdmöbel) (2.37 MB)
Hey Joe(Jimi Hendrix) (6.05 MB)

Brat-Way

German covers of show tunes

Beauty and the Beast (German cast) (2.70 MB)
Be Our Guest (Thierry Gondet, Simon Pohl) (3.38 MB)
The Lion King (German cast) (4.38 MB)
Kiss Today Goodbye – from A Chorus Line (5.03 MB)
Memory – from Cats (5.19 MB)
Don’t Cry for Me, Argentina – from Evita (7.30 MB)
I Am What I Am – from La Cage aux Folles (7.30 MB)
Some People – from Gypsy (Angelika Milster) (3.87)
Everything’s Coming Up Roses – from Gypsy (Angelika Milster) (3.58 MB)
Let Me Entertain You – from Gypsy (Susie Eisenkolb ) (2.55 MB)

Italian Covers

Yesterme, Yesteryou, Yesterday (Solo Te, Solo Me, Solo) – Stevie Wonder
My Girl – The Temptations
I’ll Be There (Gira, Gira) – The Four Tops
The Way You Do The Things You Do (Sei Solo Tu) – The Temptations
Can’t Help Myself (Piangono Glo Vomini) – The Four Tops
Can’t Hurry Love (L’Amorre Verra) – The Supremes
What Becomes of the Broken Hearted (Se Decidi Cosi) – Jimmy Ruffin
You Keep Me Hanging On (Chi Mi Aiutera ) – The Supremes
Walk Away Renee (L’ Arcobaleno) – The Four Tops
Major Tom (Ragozzo Solo) – David Bowie

Other Foreign Language Covers

Oh, What a Beautiful Morning (Unknown) (1.11 MB)
Sweet Transvestite (Rocky Horror) (395.15 K) Icelandic cast
Beds Are Burning (Eläkeläiset) (302.8 K) Finnish Midnight Oil cover, polka-style
It’s Not Unusual (Marta Kubisova) (227.2 K) Yes, that’s Czech
Oh Mein Papa (Bjork) (1.24 MB)
Highway to Hell (Vopli Vidopliassova) (408.8 K) Ukranian cover version
Love Potion Number 9 (449.9 K) Classic Chinese rock and roll
Yiddish Light Opera Company (458.6 K) He is the very model of Der Modern Groyser General
YMCA (Cantonese) (610.9 K) I have no idea.
Bob Esponja (704.8 K) Spongebob Squarepants (Spanish)
Fun, Fun, Fun (French) (2.91 MB)
Jive Talking (Chinese) (2.35 MB)
Wouldn’t it Be Nice (Swedish) (3.73 MB) Sung by Frida from Abba
Bruce Lee Rap (Chinese) (4.84 MB)
I Go to Rio (Claude Francois) (3.17 MB)
If I Had a Hammer (Claude Francois) (2.58 MB)
I’ll Be There (Claude Francois) (2.40 MB)

Abba in German

Dancing Queen (425.2 K)
Mama Mia (389.9 K)
Take a Chance On Me (466.5 K)

Abba in Hindi

Hai Ye Pyar Ghazab (The Name of the Game) (566.4 K) Salma and Sabina
Ho Jayegi Badnami (Money, Money, Money) (556.3 K) Salma and Sabina
Hum Rahi (Fernando) (680.5 K) Salma and Sabina
Kahbi Kahbi (Honey Honey) (347.9 K) Salma and Sabina
Mitha Maze Dar (Dancing Queen) (677.8 K) Salma and Sabina
Pehil Pehli Preet (Super Trooper) (491.6 K) Salma and Sabina
Toba Toba (Mama Mia) (614.4 K) Salma and Sabina

Teen Spirit Covers

Smells like something, all right

Erdmöbel (5.5 MB)
Opium Jukebox (9.77 MB) From Music to Download Pornography By
Lullaby Version (5.07 MB) From Rockabye Baby!
Ituana (5.93 MB) Argentine piano lounge version
386DX (1.6 MB) Text-to-speech version by Lassigue Bendthaus, aka LB, aka Senor Coconut, aka 386DX
Abigail (3 MB) Dance version
Dokaka (3.2 MB) With the emphasis on kaka
Gregorian Chant (3.5 MB) Smells like nap time
Paul Anka (2.5 MB) Makes you want to drink Nyquil and crawl behind the armoire
Polka Version (3.5 MB) Thank God Kurt’s dead because this would have killed him
Ragnar Bjarnason (1.6 MB) If I could only have one piece of music on a desert island, it would be this. But I would probably kill myself after two weeks.
Rumal Noorkuu (3.1 MB) Ring-Ding G’Dang G’Dang!
Scala (3.9 MB) Belgian girl’s choir
Smells Like Electro (3.5 MB) By the fabulous Dsico
Smells Like Teen Booty (Soulwax) (3.1 MB) Nirvana/Destiny’s Child Mash-up
String Quartet (3.6 MB) Whatever. Nevermind.
The Bad Plus (5.2 MB)
Espiritu Adolescente by Mandragora Tango Orchestra (unreleased demo) (5.3 MB)
Ukelele Orchestra of Great Britain (2.4 MB)
Weird Al (3.4 MB) Still the best

Happy Birthday

You’ll wish you’d never been born
Birthday Holler (278.8 K)
Birthday Polka (Walter Ostanek) (298.7 K)
Birthday Song (The Gobos) (148 K)
Happy Birthday (barking dogs) (164.7 K) Excerpt
Happy Birthday (Tagalog) (276 K)
Happy Birthday (The Arrogant Worms) (225.7 K)
Happy Birthday (The Smurfs) (368.4 K)
Happy Birthday, James (Elvis Presley) (286.5 K)
Happy Birthday, Jesus (640.4 K) Wait, I thought that was Christmas
Happy Birthday, Little Pal (168.3 K) From all the fucking freaks in Fairyland
Happy Birthday, Tina Sinatra (405.9 K) As performed by The Rat Pack
Put Another Candle on Your Birthday Cake (Sheriff John) (956.3 K)
Stevie Nicks at a Birthday Party (137.3 K)
Tanti Auguri (Italian) (593.2 K)
The Birthday Song (552.1 K)

Corporate Music

Music by companies for companies

Andy Williams for Aji-No-Moto seasoning (MSG) (3.26 MB) See the picture disc here
Dryclean When you Care (514.6 K) The stirring anthem of the International Fabricare Institute
Mary Kay Cosmetics: Inspirational Songs (969.9 K) By The Vickaroos
Keep Your Restrooms Clean, Men (309.8 K) From the Red Lion Gasoline Company
My Bathroom (American Standard) (375.1 K) It’s a special kind of place
Plymouth 65 (884.3 K) Announcing the 1965 Chryslers
Get the Feel of the Wheel (of a Ford) (7.16 MB) from the Ford Pavilion at the 1964 World’s Fair
Rappin’ With Gas (439.4 K)
Recruit, Train and Motivate (328.7 K) Either an Amway song or the gay anthem
Sand (451.1 K) From the 1973 G.E. Industrial, Got to Investigate Silicones!
What is this Thing Called Amway? (241.4 K) Where there’s hope, there’s soap
Nobody Can Do it Like McDonalds Can (1979) (6.93 MB) Flexi-Disc sent to franchisees announcing new jingle. BONUS: A message from Ray Kroc, who is either drunk or dead

KFC Employee Training Tapes

You are responsible for making QSC happen!

QSC: Quality, Service and Cleanliness (3.22 MB) BONUS: Unbelievably bad acting
Bacteria (2.35 MB) Larry and Gary chat about Salmonella
Cleaning the Lobby and Kitchen (2.11 MB) Tom can’t stop to talk, he’s got to clean those walls
Cleaning the Windows (2.52 MB) Ammonia? That went out with Ivy League Pants!
Extra Crispy (1.70 MB) The wonders of science
Good Service (3.52 MB) Think of your employees as a football team, and you’re the mascot with the giant head
Internal Audits (4.62 MB) I think Dennis is hot for Andy
Manager Bob’s Pep Talk (2.86 MB) I’d like to knock Manager Bob’s teeth down his throat
Original Recipe History (2.69 MB) It’s all about that 11th ingredient
Suggestive Selling (3.85 MB) If he really looks hungry, suggest some corn!
Taking Orders (3.0 MB) Just remember to push the corn
The Talkin’ Chicken (1.80 MB) Charlene wishes she was good enough to be killed
Using the Star System (5.5 MB) Mr. Davis and Tony talk about orientation

Advertising

Jingles and commercials

Pepsi is for Swingers! (Mel Torme) (1.86 MB)
Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (Big Band Version) (305.1 K) Sammy Davis, Jr.
Plop Plop Fizz Fizz (Rock Version) (314.9 K) Sammy Davis, Jr.
Cold Power (Lou Rawls) (957.8 K) Dirt don’t seem to jive with Cold Power!
Mystery Date (226 K) Will he be a dream? Or a dud?
Ancient Chinese Secret (Calgon) (592 K)
Bounty (Nancy Walker) The Quicker Picker Upper (533.67 K)
Good Morning, World (Levis) (1.12 MB)
Candy Clusters (Kraft) Swinging! (1.17 MB)
Things Go Better With Coca-Cola (The 5th Dimension) (1.26 MB)
ABC Promo (Ernie Anderson) (9.1428 K) Great 70’s clip promoting the Saturday prime time line-up

TV Theme Covers

Strange and/or wonderful
Show Me That Smile Again (Growing Pains) (821 K) Acapella
Meet the Flintstones (Dots Will Echo) (2.31 MB) Beautiful piano version
You Can Count on Me (Hawaii 5-0) (375.5 K) Sammy Davis, Jr.
Love is All Around (Mary Tyler Moore) (290.4 K) Sammy Davis, Jr.
Theme from Quincy (with lyrics) (314.33 K) (Unknown)
Mario Brothers Theme Acapella (Unknown) (1.91 MB)
Mario Brothers Theme Concerto (Unknown) (4.48 MB)

Spoken Word

Thought for Today (Ceasar Romero) (484 K)
Good Taste Tip (The Shangri-Las) (1.5) Dating courtesy
Good Taste Tip (The Shangri-Las) (1.0 MB) Gift receiving
Welcome to my Fan Club (David Cassidy) (6.31 MB)
Learn to Take Dictation (instructional recording) (1.98 MB) Never buy a cake from those bastards at Newmarket
Train Your Parakeet (276.4 K) From Hartz Mountain
We Love You, Call Collect (Art and Diane Linkletter) (5.44 MB) Well, at least the record ends nicely
Helen Gurley Brown: Love Lesson 1 (711 K) “Admire her character, even if she doesn’t have any.”
Helen Gurley Brown: Love Lesson 2 (940.8 K) “How do you find a man if you’re not pretty?”
Helen Gurley Brown: Love Lesson 3 (552.4 K) Advice for short men
There are no life forms here (249.3 K) Let Dr. Spock leave your outgoing message
Six Million Dollar Man: Part 1 (883.1 K) How Steve Austin got that way
The Fortune Teller (Haunted Mansion) (194.3 K)
Personals Ad #1 (425.2 K) What exactly is a “very unique endowment”?
Personals Ad #2 (44.7 K) Yeah. I’ll get right on it, Joe
Personals Ad #3 (238.2 K) Ken and Karen need a little help
Personals Ad #4 (43.6 K) Ricardo and Maria are hot and ready to… zzzzz
Bedwetting Hypnosis Tape (female) (223.4 K) From a tape purchased on eBay
Bedwetting Hypnosis Tape (male) (373.7 K) From a tape purchased on eBay
Mary Romantic (383 K) Hard to believe she hasn’t been snatched up yet.
Erotic Aerobics (Pierre Raymond) (720.6 K)
Gary Coleman Phone Sex 1 (226.3 K) “Imagine my tiny body crawling all over you.”
Gary Coleman Phone Sex 2 (155.1 K) “I’m laying on the floor, playing with my model trains.”
Mike Tyson (182.95 K) One of the great orators
Masturbation Tips (517 K) New York Health Systems Auxiliary (717-843-0747, ext. 5683)
I am like, so not home (357.8 K) Let Brittney Spears leave your outgoing message
Hamlet’s Soliloquy (William shatner) (671.2 K) To be or not to be a gas bag
K-Tel Disco Lesson (451.8 K) Step left, around, together with the right
Vincent Price Cooking Lesson 1 (536.2 K) Pickled Mushrooms
Vincent Price Cooking Lesson 2 (426.8 K) Roast pork with prunes
Vincent Price Cooking Lesson 3 (300.5 K) Re-edit: How to cook a small boy

Audio Collage and Mash-ups

Shut the Fuck Up (Streisand) (1.8 MB) Barbra’s outburst during a concert, remixed by Revo Lucian
Ann Coulter Remix (573 K) I edited together all of Ann Coulter’s stammers from a 20 minute phone interview. She’s never sounded so coherent
Eminen vs. Ragtime (Uncensored) (501.6 K) Remixed by “Freelance Hairdresser”
Tom Comes Out (remix) (1.70 MB) I remixed a phone interview to create the moment we’ve all been waiting for
Star Spangled Bologna (Evolution Control Committee) (153.5 K)
Pork Chops (Vincent Price) (981.8 K) Song using clips from Vincent Price cooking records
Rub My Roast (Vincent Price) (541.4 K) Another song using Vincent Price cooking records
Bacteria (Jonathan Coulton) (304.4 K) Music from the Kentucky Fried Chicken training tapes
It’s a Living (4.21 MB) Song made with clips from my KFI radio show by listener Brian
I Feel Good (Dictionaraoke) (3.11 MB)
I Wanna Be Sedated (Dictionaraoke) (2.77 MB)
I Wanna Rock and Roll All Night (Dictionaraoke) (577 K)
Happy Birthday from Stephen Hawking (496 K) A piece I made for Mr. K’s 40th birthday show
Martha Stewart Spanking (773.4 K) Audio collage
Moon Landing Re-Mix (Unknown) (228.75 K)
Ask Not Waltz (JFK) (957.8 K)
This is Missy Country (349.7 K) Missy Elliot vs. Foggy Mountain Breakdown
Dan Rather on Election Night (305 K)
Dan Rather Rap (Evolution Control Committee) (797.3 K)
O-S-C-A-R (970.1 K) Strange and wonderful

Songs About Insanity

They’re Coming to Take Me Away (Rose Brooks)(2.44 MB)
I’m Happy They Took You Away, Ha-Haaa! (Josephine XV)(2.50 MB)
Venqono A Portarci Via Ah, Aah! (Italian)(2.62)
Ze Nemen Me Eindelijk Mee, Ha-Haaa! (Dutch)(2.40 MB)
!Aaah-Ah, Yawa Em Ekat Ot Gnimoc Er’yeht (B side: backwards)(2.46)
Ellos Me Quieren Llevar (Spanish)(3.18 MB)
Insane (Unknown)(2.77 MB)
Rubber Room (Porter Wagoner)(3.70 MB)

Those Darn Homos!

Propaganda and “comedy” from the dark ages

A Naughty-Cal Tale (Max Minty and the Gay Blades) (1.1 MB)
Ballad of the Camping Woodcutter (John and Kay Holmes) (1 MB)
Down By The River Drive (292.4 K) “Homophile humor”
Homer, The Happy Little Homo (Byrd E. Bath and The Gentle Men) (1.3 MB)
Homosexuality (educational film soundtrack) (355.9 K) From “Only In America” on Arf Arf Records
I’d Rather Swish Than Fight (B. Bubba) (1.6 MB)
I’m So Wet (968 K)
Mixed Nuts (Byrd E. Bath) (1.2 MB)
Stanley the Manly Transvetite (1.7 MB)
Swish, Nelly, Queen (654.7 K) From “Homosexuality In The American Male” on Probe Records
These Boots Were Made For Walking (Teddy and Darrel) (1.8 MB)

Celebrities Who Insist On Singing

Can’t you just be happy with one career?

On the Road Again (George Takei) From the mercifully canceled Hidden Talents of the Stars
Apples and Oranges (Richard Dawson) (582.2 K)
Boy Wonder (Burt Ward) (371.5 K)
Orange Colored Sky (Burt Ward) (476.2 K)
Growin’ Inside Me (Sylvester Stallone) (4.92 MB) Whatever it is, it’s malignant
Believe (Morgan Fairchild) (1.9 MB)
Both Sides Now (Leonard Nimoy) (513.3 K) Terrifying,no matter how you look at it
Call Me (Bai Ling) (1.2 MB) From VH1’s But Can They Sing?, which is clearly a rhetorical question
Down Home American Girl (Catherine Bach) (419.2 K) Daisy Puke
Chihuahua Choo Choo (Ricardo Montalban) (3.3 MB)
Hot Dog Heart (Jim Nabors) (332.7 K) She was a T-Bone talkin’ woman, but she had a hot dog heart
I Can’t Give You Anything But Love (Joe Pesci) (3.9 MB) With additional torture by Marisa Tomei
I Want To Be A Hulkamaniac (Hulk Hogan) (521.7 K) Hulk Hogan and His Pythons
I Want To Believe in This One (Anson Williams) (630.1 K) Sorry, Potsie
It’s a Sin To Tell a Lie (Brent Spiner) (464.1 K) BONUS: Patrick Stewart cameo
Kinky Boots (Patrick MacNee and Honor Blackman) (287 K)
Lu (Peggy Lipton) (293.6 K)
Mr. Tambourine Man (Jerry Springer) (880.5 K)
Nature Boy (Tony Randall) (367.5 K) An extremely strange recording
Put a Little Love in Your Heart (Leonard Nimoy) (446.3 K)
Summertime (Mary Hart) (253.8 K)
Take Your Love and Shove It (Joe Pesci) (2.5 MB) Pure Klass.
Turn Me Loose on Broadway (Bette Davis) (427.4 K) I feel sorry for Broadway
Theme from Star Trek (Nichelle Nichols) (623 K) Who even knew this had lyrics? BONUS: The most frightening last note ever sung by a human being
Time to Change (The Brady Bunch) (375.5 K) Classic puberty anthem
Try Me (Jasmine Guy) (578.3 K)
You’re So Vain (The Odd Couple) (582.9 K) Worse than you can imagine
Johnny One Note (The Odd Couple) (271.4 K)
Satisfaction (Phyllis Diller) (514.8 K) If only Jagger did stand-up in his version
Your Cheatin’ Heart (Joey Bishop) (469.3 K)
The National Anthem (Carl Lewis) (312 K) At a New Jersey Nets game (12/1/93)
These Boots Were Made For Walkin’ (Crispin Glover) (661.8 K) Or for stomping this record into tiny pieces
Unforgettable (Ani DiFranco and Jackie Chan) (458.3 K) Believe me, I’ve tried
People Are Strange (Edward Furlong) (692.9 K) I’ll sa
There’s a Tavern in the Town (Wally Cox) (420.9 K)
Pop You in the Pooper (Jeff Stryker) (1001.5 K) Gay porn icon Jeff Stryker (Excerpt)
As Time Goes By (Lorne Greene) (2.29 MB) Play it again, Mr. Cartwright
Razmatazz (John Travolta) (3.49 MB) Post-sweathog, pre-Xenu

Celebrities who can’t sing, so they talk to music

And it’s not any better

Ruby (Walter Brennan) (3.11 MB)
If (Telly Savalas) (560 K) Perhaps the finest example of the genre
You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling (Telly Savalas) (550.5 K) And I think we know why
Rubber Bands and Bits of String (Telly Savalas) (451.8 K)
You (Farrah Fawcett) (640.5 K) Maybe she has asthma
Thank Heaven For Little Girls (Ed McMahon) (532.1 K) Wrong on so many levels
To Remember Me (Wink Martindale) (528.5 K)
What Ever Happened to Women? (Mr. Blackwell) (528.5 K) Like he cares
What is Love? (Anthony Quinn) (580.9 K) Not this
The Raven (Christopher Walken) (3.9 MB)
Hi Guys (Ted Knight) (390.2 K)
Intelligence (Alan Rickman) (488.8 K)
Uri Geller: I Cannot Answer You (669.7 K) I said, “Why are you singing?”
Zsa Zsa Gabor: Love is Hard (754 K) Not as hard as listening to this
Teenagers (Dick Clark) (568.8 K)
Who Put The Crack in the Liberty Bell? (Mohammed Ali) (329.1 K)
Why Do People Have to Fight? (Herve Villechaize) (480.7 K)
You Don’t Bring Me Flowers (Liberace) (816.2 K) WARNING: Choking hazard
Maybe It’s . . . (Esther Rolle) (336.1 K) From The Garden Of My Mind
Desiderata (Leonard Nimoy) (3.58 MB) Go placidly and prosper

Hollywood Affair: The Lost Kim Basinger Album (Produced by Prince)

If only it had stayed lost

2 Naughty
Color of Sex
Come On
I Wanna
Action, Action
Love at First Sight
My Love Will Find U
Show Me
Will U Stay With Me

Click here for CD art

Things You Probably Weren’t Supposed to Hear

Outtakes and meltdowns

Barry White (204.2 K) Barry White loses it while trying to record a promo
Thundercats (329 K) Explicit outtakes from recording sessions
Paul Moyer and Ann Martin (1.73 MB) A nasty spat just before the news goes live
Haunted Mansion (3.29 MB) The original recording session
Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis (3.29 MB) Things go south while recording commercials for The Caddy
Waylon Jennings (290 K) The Dukes of Hazzard
Jim Backus (448 K) Dropping the F bomb
Marlon Brando (1.78 MB) Badmouthing Burt Reynolds on the set of Guys and Dolls
Sid Luft is an animal (Judy Garland) (31.22 K)
Being Judy Garland is quite a chore (Judy Garland) (57.55 K)
Judy’s crazy! (Judy Garland) (27.34 K)
Jack Palance (822.50 K) They asked him for one take too many
Alec Baldwin (2.0 MB) Father of the Year
Joan Rivers (2.4 MB) She is not a racist!
Colonel Sanders (1.23 MB) Why Colonel Sanders doesn’t do KFC commercials. Well, plus the fact he’s dead

Beatles Covers

Because the originals were missing something

I Feel Fine (Carlos Malta) Peppy!
The Night Before (Carlos Malta) Zippy!
All My Loving (Alvin and the Chipmunks) (396.8 K)
Day Tripper (Swingle Singers) (2.37 MB)
Within, Without (Anthony Newley) (2.37 MB) BONUS: Intro by Tony Randall
Blackbird (Kevin Spacey) (796.9 K)
Can’t Buy Me Love (Peter Sellers) (269.7 K)
Hard Day’s Night (Peter Sellers) (314.9 K)
She Loves You (Peter Sellers and Spike Milligan) (551.6 K)
Come Together (Robin Williams) (815.2 K) A crime against humanity
Fool on the Hill (Bjork) (383.6 K)
Got To Get You Into My Life (Joe Pesci) (561.5 K)
Hard Day’s Night (Mrs. Miller) (422.2 K)
Hard Day’s Night (Goldie Hawn) (1.55 MB) So very, very terrible
Hard Day’s Night (Count Basie) (2.2 MB) From Basie’s Beatles Bag
Hey Jude (Assagi) (5.26 MB)
Hey Jude (Bing Crosby) (676.4 K) Pom pom pom pom
Hey Jude (Edmundo Ros And His Orchestra) (1.13 MB)
I Am The Walrus (Jim Carrey) (744.8 K) I believe him
I Want To Hold Your Hand (Cathy Berberian) (342.6 K)
Quiero Estchar Tu Mano (Los Xochimilcas) (2.79 MB)
Ella Te Ama (Los Xochimilcas) (2.8 MB)
I Want to Hold Your Hand (The Latin Beatles) (526 K)
I Want to Hold Your Hand (The King’s Singers) (241.5 K)
Let it Be (Tennesee Ernie Ford) (715.6 K)
Love Me Do (The Barkers) (451 K) Barking dogs
Love Me Do (The Brady Bunch) (379.1 K)
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (William Shatner) (531.1 K) Star dreck
Maxwell Silver Hammer (Jessica Mitford) (653.3 K)
Mission Impossible/Norwegian Wood (Alan Copeland) (521.9 K) This won a Grammy. No, really
Nowhere Man (Klaus Beyer) (317.7 K) AKA “Nirgendsmann”
Something (Telly Savalas) (474 K) It’s something all right
Something (Tommy Spanos Show) (689.5 K) Stellar organ cover
Das Gelbe Unterwasserboot (Klaus Beyer) (1.28 MB)
Yellow Submarine (Milton Berle) (497 K) The definitive version
Yerrow Submarine (582.5 K)
Eleanor Rigby (John Denver) (2.94 (MB)

Stairway to Heaven

A growing collection of strange covers

Dixie Power Trio (758.1 K) Tuba and banjo
Dolly Parton (764.9 K) Pickin’ and a grinnin’ and a tokin’
Etcetera Theatre Company (2.1 MB)
Leonard Teale (483.6 K) Finally, an Australian spoken word version
Melbourne Symphony (575 K)
Nashville Super Pickers (5.4 MB) Gee-tar version
Neil Pepper (356.2 K) Elvis style cover
Pardon Me Boys (4.7 MB) Bluesy lounge version
Pat Boone (880.9 K) Pat Boone, for God’s sake
Rolf Harris (557.3 K) Australian cover
Sandra Hahn and Michael Turkic (766.5 K) Opera cover
Stairway to Gilligan’s Island (Little Roger and The Goosebumps) (569.1 K)
The Australian Doors Show (715.6 K) Doors style cover
The Beatnix (486.8 K) Beatles style cover
The Rock Lobsters (344.5 K) B52s style cover
Those Darn Accordians (3.8 MB) Yeah. I don’t get it either
Tiny Tim and Brave Combo (883.8 K) Like Mr. Ed at a piano bar
Vegemite (735.2 K) Reggae cover

Learn Italian With Fabio

That’s why they call it a “Romance Language”

Lesson 1 (318 K) “I can part my hair with my tongue.”
Lesson 2 (344 K) “There is a party in my pants, and you are the guest of honor.”
Lesson 3 (333.8 K) “Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?”
Lesson 4 (394.3 K) “You are as beautiful as Venus de Milo. Except for the arms.”
Lesson 5 (312.9 K) “All those curves, and me with no brakes.”
Lesson 6 (322.5 K) “Can I get some fries with that shake?”
Lesson 7 (286 K) “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.”
Lesson 8 (321.5 K) “If you don’t kiss me now, I’m going to throw up.”
Lesson 9 (291.3 K) “I’m not wearing any underwear.”
Lesson 10 (346.8 K) “I like what you’re wearing. Can I talk you out of it?”
Lesson 11 (311.9 K) “Please give me some clothes. I’m naked.”

Completely, Irredeemably Heinous

There’s no other way to put it. Sorry.

I’ll Always Love You (Demo) (3.33 MB)
Colors of the Wind (Marla Weiner)(4.98 MB)
Joy to the World (Unknown) (2.35 MB)
My Life (Bjorn Thor Karlsson) (722.4 K)
Eres Tu (Jimmy Mitchell) (436.1 K)
Mack The Knife (Jimmy Mitchell) (409.2 K)
Why Doesn’t Daddy Come Home? (368.1 K) Because you won’t stop singing
Pammie’s on a Bummer (Sonny Bono) (941.8 K) And I don’t feel so good either
She Loves Another, I Cry (Unknown) (3.20 MB)
You Needed Me (2.59 MB) Demo given to me by a guy who sold me some lamps

Chicken Songs

I don’t know why, all right?

Ain’t Nobody Here But Us Chickens (Phil Harris) (470.1 K)
Born To Be Wild (Chickenwolf) (446.5 K)
Chicken Rhythm (Slim Gaillard) (390.8 K)
Chicken Squawk (MDC) (459.7 K)
Chicken Strut (The Meters) (564.2 K)
Slim Gaillard: Chicken Rhythm (390.8 K) Buck buck buckaw
Funky Chicken (828.6 K)
Honky Tonk Woman (345.5 K) I know, they’re geese. Deal with it
In The Mood (Ray Stevens and the Henhouse 5) (479.7 K)
Pickin’ Chicken (Eve Boswell) (390.9 K)
Psycho Chicken (575 K)
Shanghai Rooster (The Cackle Sisters) (271.7 K) Chickens and yodeling
The Chicken Song (David Carradine) (1000.1 K)
The Chicken Yodel (Kerry Christensen) (426.9 K) My theme song on KFI
Theme from The Ghost and Mr. Chicken (Vic Mizzy) (433 K)
When a Man Loves a Chicken (Bob Rivers) (526.1 K) Can’t keep his mind on nothin’ else
You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Chicken (523.4 K)

Terrifying Christian Recordings

Dear Lord, make it stop

A Cowboy For Jesus (281.5 K) CAUTION: SMALL CHILD SINGING
Amazing Grace (Tim Gibson as Donald Duck) (1.98 MB)
Brady Bunch (Righteous Pop) (1014.5 K) Here’s a story, of a girl named Mary…
Cup of Jesus (Joel R. Cooper) (2.79 MB) Fill it to the rim… with Him
Daily Irritations (434 K) Marge Champion and Colleen Townsend Evans
Diary of an Unborn Child (785.8 K) Unintentionally hilarious
Drunk Driver (Ferlin Husky) (427.8 K)
God Will Fuck You Up (2.61 MB) I shit thee not
Happy Birthday, Jesus (Little Cindy) (266.1 K) Those nasty, awful men!
J-E-S-U-S (461.1 K) I’m S-C-A-R-E-D
Jesus Loves Me (Baby Lu-Lu) (863.7 K) See the album cover and the nightmare inducing back cover
I Feel So Good (Larry and The Golden Heirs) (498.5 K) I’m INSANE!
I’m Proud To Be a Jew (344 K) Something to offend everyone
Jogging For Jesus (956.5 K)
Lord, Send Me an African Maid (533.1 K) Marge Champion and Colleen Townsend Evans
Menstruation is God’s Plan (652.9 K) From The Christopher Recordings
Premature Ejaculation (689.2 K) From The Christopher Recordings
Rappin’ Rabbit (87.6 K) Rappin’ with Rappin’ Rabbit is a Christian Habit!
Royal Telephone (392.9 K) I’ll get back to you
Sabbath Song (965 K) From Harry the Hamster Sings the 10 Commandments
The 10 Commandments (364.8 K) Thou shalt not let your wife sing back up
The Deal (625.6 K) You, your wife, your kid, I’ll take anyone
The Ballad of Jim and Tammy (Tammy Faye) (527.6 K)
The Joy of the Lord (Tammy Faye) (527.6 K) A new level of creepy
The Devil’s After Me (Tammy Faye) (969.6 K)
The Joke (Kenny Hicks) (296.1 K) Go ahead and laugh!
The Monkey Song/The Ecumenical Movement (989.2 K) Little Crystal Bernard
The Real Sin Savior (732.4 K) I hope God can forgive this guy
Then I Start to Yodel (Princess Ramona) (276.2 K)
This Little Light Of Mine (279.6 K) Puppet evangelism with Phyllis Barnard and Joey
Two By Two (Tammy Swindell) (632.4 K) “My son Michael sings on the chorus”
When I Gave My Heart to Jesus (861 K) Can’t keep my mind on nothin’ else

Bizarre Covers

Darth Vader’s Theme Not as scary on ukelele and toy whistle
007 Theme (Tokyo Panorama Mambo Boys) (291.7 K) Shaken, not stir-fried
Yes Sir, That’s My Baby (Japanese Jukebox) (309 K)
Do the Hustle/Shake Your Booty (The Brady Bunch) (432 K)
Do You really Want to Hurt Me? (Gerty Molzen) (741.1 K)
Stayin’ Alive (Pan Flute) (2.1 MB)
Aqualung (Prozak for Lovers) (569.3 K) Buy the CD here
Black Hole Sun (745.3 K) Steve and Eydie. God help us.
Louie, Louie (Julie London) (3.14 MB) The Narcoleptic version
Crazy (Margarita Pracatan) (277 K) Visit Margarita’s Offical Website
Disco Accordion (Myron Floren) (533.3 K)
Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina (Mike Flowers) (661.4 K)
Downtown (Mrs. Miller) (515.8 K) It’s all about the whistling
Everybody Loves My Baby (Bridgette Bardot) (387.7 K) “Patootie”
Girl From Ipanema (527.9 K) By Kompressor
Goodbye to Love (Wing Han Tsang) (358.7 K) From Wing Sings The Carpenters
I Got You Babe (Bowie/Faithful) (587.4 K) Just a terrible idea.
Kung Fu Fighting (Tom Jones and Moog Cookbook) (462.7 K)
Mr. Tambourine Man (The Chipmunks) (379.8 K)
Mary Schneider Yodels Classic Overtures (913.5 K)
My Heart Will Go On (The Lounge-O-Leers) (3.84 MB)
Oh Danny Boy (1.41 MB K) The farting Irish
Purple People Eater (Judy Garland) (418.1 K) Why Liza drinks
Queen of the House (Mrs. Miller) (432 K) Mrs. Miller’s take on “King of the Road”
Send in the Clowns (Mel Torme) (711 K) Kooky!
Star Trek: The Techno Mix (687.2 K) German “tekkno” remix
The Coffee Song (Soul Coughing) (431.3 K)
The Gumby Song (Frank Sinatra, Jr.) (359.3 K) Gumby: The Vegas Years
Dance a Little Closer (Charo) (775.4 K)
Personal Jesus (Johnny Cash) (3.86 MB)

Sounds dirty, but it’s not

Or maybe it is

The Sensitive Song (Deven May) (3.40 MB)
Siren (Sex Alarm) (5.4 MB) Filthy track found in an Amsterdam music store
My Washing Machine (Sikk) (4.4 MB) Another disturbing track found in an Amsterdam music store
Her Vagina (The Four Skins) (274.4 K) STDs in four-part harmony
How’s Your Whole Family? (Red Peters) (582.5 K)
The “F” Word (583.6 K) A short history
The Scottsman (Bryan Bowers) (563.3 K) What’s under a Scottsman’s kilt (artist’s website here)
I Love Little Pussy (Little Marcy) (922.5 K) Who doesn’t?
Boom-Biddy-Boom (Peter Sellers and Sophia Loren) (518.5 K) From The Millionairess
Frankfurter Sandwiches (The Streamliners) (333.7 K) Sent in by a listener for no apparent reason
El Touchy (Luie Luie) (723.2 K) There’s a new dance called The Touchy

Paul Winchell Archive

A collection of recordings made by my father

WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show (14 minutes) (7.98 MB) Dad and Jerry call Mrs. Jaspin (NOTE: This show was his audition)
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show (15 minutes) (8.47 MB) Dad and Jerry call Mrs. Lloyd
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show (14 minutes) (8.45 MB) Dad and Jerry call Mrs. Maidel: Part 1
WOR Radio Musical Quiz Show (14 minutes) (8.37 MB) Dad and Jerry call Mrs. Maidel: Part 2

The Paul Winchell and Jerry Mahoney Show (29 minutes) (16.77 MB) Jerry’s Birthday Bicycle

The Friendly Polka (2.35 MB) 1952 RCA Victor
When I Get Back From Vacation (3.3 MB) 1952 RCA Victor
Jack and the Beanstalk 1952 RCA Victor (2.94 MB)
M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I 1952 RCA Victor (3.1 MB)

Ice Cream 1954 Decca Records (2.99 MB)
Colors 1954 Decca (3.25 MB)
Winchell-Mahoney Time 1954 Decca (2.91 MB) The Winchell-Mahoney Time theme
Friends, Friends, Friends 1954 Decca (2.76 MB) The Winchell-Mahoney Time closing song
Knick Knack Band 1954 Decca (2.88 MB) Rare recording without Jerry Mahoney

Anything You Can Do 1957 RCA Victor (2.84 MB) The classic Winchell-Mahoney rivalry

When You Come to the End of a Lollipop 1961 Epic (2.74) A tearjerker

Soft Drinks in Cans (Part 1) 1962 US Steel (1.18) Dad and Jerry write a song to get people excited about those new fangled soda cans
Soft Drinks in Cans (Part 2) 1962 US Steel (1.18) Knucklehead joins the campaign
Soft Drinks in Cans (Part 3) 1962 US Steel (1.38 MB) Jerry and Dad sing their song

Stop That Pigeon! (Dick Dastardly) 1969 (216.56 K) Theme from CBS animated series, Dick Dastardly and Muttley in Their Flying Machines

Shooby Taylor: The Human Horn

Shroppy, doppy, poppy!

Folsom Prison (311.8 K)
I’m Busted (265 K)
Peg O’ My Heart (387.6 K)
Shooby in the studio (428.8 K)
Softly and Tenderly (631.1 K)
Somewhere Over The Rainbow (399.9 K)
Stout Hearted Men (629.4 K)
Tico Tico (355.6 K)
Who’s Sorry Now? (510.2 K)

Eilert Pilarm

Sweden’s foremost Elvis impersonator (also Sweden’s only Elvis impersonator)

All Right Mama (514.4 K)
Are You Lonesome Tonight? (644.9 K)
Blue Hawaii (595.4 K)
Blue Suede Shoes (518.7 K)
Hound Dog (506.5 K)
In The Ghetto (669 K)
Love Me Tender (813 K)
Now Or Never (687.1 K)
Release Me (666.8 K)
Teddy Bear (258.1 K)

Fabio After Dark

“Buon giorno. I am Fabio, and I am very interested in what makes romance work”.

Fabio: Ciao (192.6 K) “When I have to leave my special woman, I always count the moments until I can see her again.”
Fabio: On Film (244.1 K) “I like to take a special lady to the cinema, where we can hold hands in the dark.”
Fabio: On Humor (237.1 K) “One of the most important things about a woman is her sense of humor”.
Fabio: On Inner Beauty (356.8 K) “I can be very shy when I first meet a woman.”
Fabio: On Romance (456.4 K) “I want to share with you my recipe for a perfect evening; an evening for two luffers.”
Fabio: On Slow Dancing (370.1 K) “A long, slow dance can be the best way to bring a woman close to me.”
Fabio: On Surprises (337.4 K) “I like nothing better than to supress my lady.”
Fabio: On Tropical Islands (375.3 K) “Sometimes there is no place I’d rather be than on a tropical island.”
Love Attack (791.7 K) “There is no turning back, once you have a love attack”