Ian Bone

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The revolt against the virus has begun…in the South Atlantic. Info from local contacts.

Yesterday the Falklands had its first case – a soldier from the British base. Immediately on receipt of the news the Trstan council issued this statement’
‘From 12 noon today no ships will be allowed to come within 800 metres of Tristan nor will any people be allowed to land nor any landings by helicopter

The whole population of Tristan comes from 6 families and they fear a complete wipe out if the virus arrives. They will fight as they did before after the volcanic erution in 1962.

The British adnistrator is thought to have access to
arms and the Tristans have old weapons and hand grenades kept since the 2ww and complemented from passing whaling fleets and guns frm the Stoltenh off landing in 1892.

‘The working class are only heros when they’re dead’….
FIVE BUS DRIVERS IN LONDON DIED OF THE VIRUS THIS WEEK. Hardly a surprise in that they must have infected breath shed all over them all day and night. Not heard a word about their lack of personal protective requirements…….no doubt now they’ll get a round of applause and a medal.
Just seen COMICAL ALI on telly assuring us all is well followed by a doctor saying all is awful and nothing has changed.

Anarchy Islanders may be the last people left alive after Corona Virus sweeps the world.
Tristan Da Cunha, population 243 as of 9am GMT this morning. Although a British Colony for over 150 years, the islanders have always had a healthy disregard for all forms of authority. Until 1939 there were no police, laws, money , economy, a Governor, Representative or any form of government at all. In astonishment, a British Government Spokesman wrote in 1903, “there is an extraordinary state of affairs on Tristan, in that there is no form of authority of any kind and the population is curiously averse to have anyone possess any more authority or influence that anyone else.”
But that’s enough of history. At the moment Trsitan da Cunha is one of only 5 countries that are virus free. It is likely that the Tristanians will once again re-assert their traditional community values and anyone turning up a in luxury yacht seeking sanctuary from the Covid 19 is likely to be severely disappointed on two grounds: Firstly there are no harbours where yachts can anchor, and secondly the Tristinians won’t be ‘avin it. So…. only anarchists will be left alive.

Uninhabited islands round the world big enough to sustain an anarchist community
1. CLIPPERTON ISLAND . named after the English Pirate JOHN CLIPPERTON,………..SO THE JOLLY ROGER would be appropriate also the island most likely to have buried treasure after english privateers looted gold from the Spanish in Panama and needed somewhere to stash it

Been trying to fathom who Matt Hancock reminds me of……GOTCHA! – it’s COMICAL ALI. Good news is all you get and yesterday’s statistics and promises are totally forgotten
Comical Matt – the man who has missed more targets than Robin Hood
Yesterday’s conference in full……….Good Morning…bounces up the step like Joe Biden….full of vim and vigour.
‘Today can announce the biggest testing programme ever attempted in the known world. By Maunday Thursday – late afternoon …we will have tested 250,000 men women and ..yes men and women..
Now questions – Laurna from Radio Solent. TESTS FOR WHAT MINISTER? Great question – testing front line staff for rabies…er no…….STDs……we have 75,000 doses for the clap – don’t forget to clap tonight for THE SUN..NEXT QUESTION.ROBERT PRESTON NORTH END..What happened to the 30,000 dyson ventolators promised yesterday..er….GREAT QUESTION…ROBERT we had to try them out frst it would be remiss of me to pay upfront for 30,000 ventilators without trying the out first. Preston – so what happened? ‘Hancock – they didn’t work – thay got most of the dust up but no good on the stairs – next quesrion
YOU CAN READ MORE ON COMICAL MATT THROUGHOUT THE DAY.

DITOR DAILY MAIL IN A STATEMENT
Ahem….in the past we my have given the impression that we have thought the working class to be a gang of workshy layabouts on benefits. Nothing could be further from the truth. We now realise that this army of cleaners, nurses, binman, lorry drivers are in fact the SALT OF THE EARTH and not the SCUM OF THE EARTH’

HOORAH FOR THE BLACKSHIRTS