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Joined March 2008
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    2 Mar 2018

    Report: We Don’t Make Any Money If You Don’t Click The Fucking Link

    746 replies 5,989 retweets 35,487 likes
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  2. 36 minutes ago

    Teen Crafting Marketable Persona In Garage Hoping To One Day Win Grammy

    14 replies 62 retweets 941 likes
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  3. 2 hours ago

    Pro Bowl Players Not In Game Asked To Sit In Stands To Make Stadium Look Less Empty

    27 replies 156 retweets 2,105 likes
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  4. 5 hours ago

    Department Of Transportation Announces New Highway Concert Series

    16 replies 71 retweets 828 likes
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  5. 7 hours ago

    Farberware Releases New Nonstick Eggs

    25 replies 159 retweets 1,809 likes
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  6. 9 hours ago

    God Admits Humans Not Most Impressive Creation

    48 replies 318 retweets 2,465 likes
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  7. 18 hours ago

    Trump Lifts Obama-Era Protections Trapping Gangthor The Malevolent In Tomb Deep Within Murky Depths Of Pacific Ocean

    39 replies 724 retweets 3,969 likes
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  8. 19 hours ago

    Wedding Guest Blissfully Unaware She Barely Made The Cut

    19 replies 208 retweets 3,898 likes
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  9. 21 hours ago

    Justice Roberts Sternly Admonishes Impeachment Participants To Remember They’re At Complete Farce Of A Trial

    36 replies 648 retweets 2,956 likes
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  10. 23 hours ago

    This Week's Editorial Cartoon: "Civil Whites Movement"

    6 replies 32 retweets 262 likes
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  11. Jan 25

    Report: Economy Must Be Doing Pretty Well If Entire Season Of ‘Bones’ Online For Free

    10 replies 100 retweets 1,168 likes
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  12. Jan 25

    Contrarian ‘New York Times’ Travel Section Breaks With Paper To Endorse Deval Patrick For Democratic Nomination

    8 replies 34 retweets 569 likes
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  13. Jan 25

    Marine Biologists Train Highly Intelligent Octopus To Profitably Manage Mid-Size Aluminum Goods Supplier

    32 replies 345 retweets 2,503 likes
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  14. Jan 25

    Kellyanne Conway Suggests Martin Luther King Jr. Would Have Traveled To Ukraine For Dirt On Biden

    49 replies 335 retweets 2,613 likes
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  15. Jan 25

    Authorities Abandon Search For Missing Girl After Finding Huge Bass While Dredging Lake

    26 replies 518 retweets 5,203 likes
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  16. Jan 25

    ‘They Can’t Impeach Someone They Can’t See,’ Say Trump Boys Cramming Dad Into Homemade Bunker Under Oval Office Desk

    18 replies 306 retweets 2,541 likes
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  17. Jan 24

    New Study Finds Staring Out From Balcony With Best Friends Strongest Indicator That This Your City, Your Time

    40 replies 845 retweets 6,719 likes
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  18. Jan 24

    "You’re going to hear a lot of wild claims about my client’s alleged behavior, but none of that should distract you from the issue hand: Samuel L. Jackson is absolutely unforgettable in his climactic redemption scene."

    Weinstein Defense Attorney Implores Jury To Remember How Fun ‘Pulp Fiction’ Is
    13 replies 86 retweets 1,218 likes
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  19. Jan 24

    Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

    24 replies 167 retweets 2,341 likes
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  20. Jan 24

    For more world-renowned reportage, visit .

    12 replies 30 retweets 510 likes
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  21. Jan 24

    8th Grader Impregnated During Trip To 'March For Life' Event

    112 replies 255 retweets 2,613 likes
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