oh to be a little dog sprinting at top speeds around the house with reckless abandon to release all the stress pent up from your extremely harrowing bathtime
me: i have demons
16th century doctor: you should do leeches about it
me: why did i not cry about my own trauma until i saw it replicated on a tv show
the tiny simone de beauvoir who lives in my left ear: the fictional woman is a vehicle for the ineffable traumas of your feminine self.
me: thank you madame de beauvoir
artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.
its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post
pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs
Im in iowa right now ask me anything
any milfs
This AMA is now closed. Thank you so much for your thought provoking and interesting questions
unexpected eye exam finding
60y/o man presents for adult well-visit.
Me: All right, cover your right eye for me. Can you read the bottom row of letters?
Patient: [reads them perfectly]
Me: Awesome! Now cover the other eye, and let’s do the same thing.
Patient: [covers other eye] I can’t see anything.
Me: How about the top row?
Patient: Nope.
Me: Even the big E?
Patient: What E?
Me: [worried but hiding it] All right. Let’s try something else then. [holds up index finger] Cover your right eye and follow my finger with your left eye.
Patient: [follows instructions perfectly]
Me: Excellent. Now let’s try the other one.
Patient: [right eye does not move]
Me: [worrying even more but still trying to hide it] Okay. [picks up ophthalmoscope] I’m going to check your left eye first, okay?
Patient: Okay.
Me: [performs fundoscopic exam on left eye] All right. Everything looks good here! Let’s try the other one.
Patient: Okay.
Me: [attempts fundoscopic exam, but light bounces back at me]
Me: I- [working hard to conceal panic] Your right eye is interesting.
Patient: Yeah, it’s a glass eye.
Me: …what?
Patient: [clearly trying not to laugh] It’s a glass eye.
Me: Were you planning on telling me at some point?
Patient: [bursts into fit of giggles] I wanted to see you freak out first!
jojo 2.0 is me when i went to chicago and hung out with pigeons at the train station and then a cop yelled at me for giving money to drug addicts
a body count not as in homicide nor as in sexuality but as in the trail of people from my childhood and adolescence i should’ve been a better friend to and taken better care of but i was too busy being caught up in my own heartache to recognize their own and therefore our relationship tapered off in an extremely unsatisfying way that continuously manifests itself as a thrumming sense of grief in my chest. anyway which restaurant chains have the best free pre-meal bread?
love this post because a third of the replies are sad and the other half are like “olive garden” and nothing else
Women boxing on a roof, circa 1930s
THIS IS LITERALLY THE RADDEST PHOTO I’VE EVER SEEN
LIKE SHIT
ARE YOU KIDDING
can we talk about those cute as heck outfits though
all this history is buried and we’re lead to believe that women just sat around prim and proper until the 70s
Very interesting.
Lots of stuff that the Consumer Culture tries to hide from us.
Thankfully today we now have the internet to bring on the truth.
Train and fight!
WarriroMale
I can honestly say these gentlemen are enjoying fighting far too much for their own good.
Edited to add this from the reblogs:
